Why do men forget about their children after a divorce? Why husbands don't need children after divorce Why men don't need children after divorce

oP, CHPF, VKhTY, UPRHFUFCHHAEYE RTPGEDHTE TBCHPDB, HMEZMYUSH, Y CHUFBEF CHPRTPU P FPN, LBL VHDEF ULMBDSCHBFSHUS PVEEOYE “RTYIPDSEEZP RBRSHCH” AT DEFSHNY. l UPTSBMEOYA, DBMELP OE CHUE RBRSCH RPUME HIPDB YY UENSHY TEZKHMSTOP OBCHEEBAF UCHPYI NBMSHCHYEK Y DESFEMSHOP HYUBUFCHHAF CH YI QYOY. dBCBKFE TBVETENUS, RPYUENH RPUME TBCHPDB NEOSEFUS X PFGB PFOPEOYE L TEVEOLH.

UHEEUFCHEOKHA TPMSH YZTBEF ZBLF UNEOSH TPMEK: RPLB UENSHS VSHMB UENSHEK, PFCHEFUFCHEOOPUFSH EB DEFEC (TEYUSH IDEF YNEOOP PV PFCHEFUFCHEOOPUFY, B OE P THFYOOSHCHI PVSBOOPUFSI D) EMYMBUSH RPRPMBN NETSDH TPDYFEMSNY. h UYFHBGYY, LPZDB NHC YYOB PFDEMYMUS PF UENSHY (CHEDSH, DEFY H TPUUYY H 95% UMHYUBECH PUFBAFUS U NBFETSHA), PO, ЪБУБУФХА, “PUCHPVPTsDBEF” UEVS PF VPMSHYEK YUBUFY PFCHEFU FCHOOOPUFY ЪB RPFPNUFChP. h PUOPCHOPN, VSHCHYIE NHTS ShS PRTBCHDSHCHBAF UEVS FEN, YuFP, CHUE TBCHOP, OE NPZHF RPMOPGEOOOP KHUBUFCHPCHBFSH CH TSYOY DEFEK, F.L. OE TSYCHHF U OYNY RPD PDOPK LTSHCHYEK. ABOUT DEME, CE, NHC YYOB RPMSH'HEFUS UYFKHBGYEK, YUFPVSH OBUMBDIFSHUS IPMPUFSGLPK UCHPVPDPK. yЪ PFGB UENEKUFCHB PO, LBL VSH, RTECHTBBEBEFUS CH UFBTYEZP VTBFB, LPFPTSCHK "PRETYMUS Y KHMEFEM YY TPDYFEMSHULZP ZOEDB". MAVPCHSH L DEFSN RPDTBHNECHBEF, YuFP TPDYFEMSH IPUEF CHYDEFSH, LBL SING TBUFHF Y HYUBUFCHPCHBFSH CH YI QYYOY. OP NOPZYN NHTS YYOBN LBCEFUS, YuFP CHUE EEE "HUREEFUS", SING OE ЪBDHNSCHCHBAFUS, OBULPMSHLP CHBTsOP YI RPCHUEDOECHOPE RTYUKHFUFCHYE CH TSYOY NBMSCHYEK - CHEDSH, DEFY FBL VSHUFTP TBUFHF.

oKHTsOP ЪBNEFYFSH, YuFP CH ECHTPREKULYI UFTBOBI - UPCHETYEOOP DTHZBS LBTFYOB. pFGSH ZMKHVPLP CHLMAYUEOSCH CH TSY'OSH DEFEC Y RTY TBCHPDE RTDDPMTsBAF OTBCHOE U NBFETSNY OEUFY PFCHEFUFCHOOPUFSH JB NBMSCHYEK: SING RTPCHPDSF U DEFSHNY, RTBLFYUEULY UFPMSH LP TSE CHTENEOY, ULPMSHLP Y NBFETY. rBRSH RPUEEBAF TPDYFEMSHULYE UPVTBOYS H YLPME, UPRTPCHPTsDBAF NBMSHCHYEK RTY RPUEEEEOYY URPTFYCHOSHI UBOSFIK Y F.R.

h PFMYYUYE PF ECHTPRSHCH, CH OBYEK OBGYPOBMSHOPK FTBDYGYY YUYFBFSH CHUA DPNBIOAA THFYOH, CHLMAYUBS Y ЪBVPFH P DEFSI - “ZEOULINE DEMPN”.

lTPNE FPZP, CH TPUUYY, LBL RTBCHYMP, TBCHEDEOOSCH UHRTKHZY OE UYYFBAF OHTSOSCHN VSHFSH UPAYOILBNYY UPPVEB TEYBFSH CHPRPTUSCH, LBUBAEYEUS DEFEC. yuBUFP NSCH OBVMADBEN PVTBFOHA LBTFYOKH: CHNEUFP RBTFOETULPZP UPFTKHDOYUEUFCHB, TPDYFEMY RTPSCHMSAF OERTYYOSH RP PFOPYEOYA DTKhZ L DTKHZH Y YuFPVSH DPUBDYFSH PRRPOOFH — "CHUFBCHMSAF RBMLY CH LPMEUB." OBRTYNET, TBURTPUFTBOOEOB UIFKHBGYS, LPZDB PDYO YЪ TPDYFEMEK OE RPDRYUSCHCHBEF TBTEYEOYE ABOUT CHEVD TEVEOLB U DTHZYN ABOUT PFDSCHI.

rTYYUYOSCH FPZP, RPYUENH RPUME TBCHPDB NEOSEFUS H PFGPCH PFOPYEOYE L TEVEOLKH, NPZKhF ЪBCHYUEFSH PF OEULPMSHLYI ZBLFPTPCH:

- pRShchF PFGB CH TPDYFEMSHULPK UENSHE, CHPURYFBOYE.

eUMY NHC YUYOB CHSTPU CH UENSHE, ZDE PFEG RTYOINBM DESFEMSHOPE HYUBUFYE CH PURIFBOY Y HIPDE UB DEFSHNY: LHRBM NBMSHCHYEK, LPTNYM YI LBUYEK, ЪBOYNBMUS YI TBCHYFYEN - RE TEOINBEEF FBLHA NPDEMSH RPCHEDEOYS. y, VPMEE OETSEO, PFCHEFUFCHEOEO RP PFOPYEOYA L UPVUFCHEOOSCHN DEFSN, RP UTBCHOYA U PFGBNY, YUEK PRSHCHF CH TDYFEMSHULPK UENSH OE VSHM FBLYN RPMPTSYFEMSHOSHCHN.

- “Kompufsh Myuuopufy” NHC Yuyoshch: OSULPMSHLP YUMPCHEL ZPFPCh VTBFSh about Uevs PFCHOFCHOOOOOOOOPUFSH Kommersant FP, YuFP RTPPDIPHIPHIP CHAP Tsiyo, b -bovpy oshos oshpya defect.

l UPTSBMEOYA, OELPFPTSHCHE NBNSCH OBUFPMSHLP ZHBOBFYUOSCH CH MAVCHY L UCHPYN USCHOPCHSHSN, YuFP ZPFPCHSH DP UFBTPUFY RTOYNBFSH ЪB OYI CHUE CHBTSOSH TEYEOYS Y TECHOPUFOP PVETEZBFSH PF LBL PZP-MYVP DYULPNZHPTFB. h YFPZE - CHTPUMSHK, RP RBURPTFKH, NHC YYOB, PUFBEFUS, RP UHFY, LZPGEOFTYUOSCHN TEVEOLPN. po OE ZPFPCH PFCHEYUBFSH ЪB UCHPY RPUFHRLY, RTEDRPYUYFBS RTSFBFSHUS Y PVCHYOSFSH PE CHUEI VEDBY VSHCHCHYKHA TSEOH.

- zPFPCHOPUFSH VSHCHYI UHRTKHZPCH L RBTFOETUFCHH CH PFOPEOOYY DEFEC.

TBCHEDEOOSCHN TDYFEMSN ChBTsOP PFTYOKHFSH MYYUOSCH CHBYNOSHCH RTEFEOOJY PE VMBZP TEVEOLB. lBL FPMSHLP TEVEOPL RETEUFBEF VSHFSH PTHTSYEN CHP'NE'DYS VSHCHYENH NHTS X (TSOEE), B CHPCHTBEBEFUS CH UFBFKHU MAVYNPZP NBMSCHIB - LBUEUFChP EZP TsYOY TELP RPCHSHCHYBEFU S. eUMY X TPDYFEMEK EUFSH RPOINBOYE FPZP, YuFP POY DPMTSOSCH PUFBCHBFSHUS UPAJOILBNY CH PRPTPUBI, LBUBAEYIUS PVEYI DEFEC - OBKFY PVEYK SJSCHL UVBOPCHYFUS OE FBL HC Y UMPTsOP.

- oBULPMSHLP BLFYCHOPE KHUBUFYE CH TSYYOY TEVEOLB NHC YYOB RTYOINBM DP TBCHPDB.

“fP, YuFP DPTPZP OBN DPUFBMPUSH, NSCH MAVYN VPMSHYE CHUEZP”, “nsch MAVYN OE FAIRIES, LFP DMS OBU, B FAIRIES - DMS LPZP NSCH” - CH FYI UMPCHBI EUFSH PDYO YLMAYUEK L YUEMPCHEULYN CHBYNPP FOPYEOYSN CHPPVEE, Y L MPZYLE PFGPCHULPK MAVCHY — CH YUBUFOPUFY. eUMY PFEG DP TBCHPDB CHYDEM UCHPEZP TEVEOLB RP VKHDOSN RP OULPMSHLH NYOHF CH DEOSH - RETED UOPN, B, CH CHCHPDOSH RTEDRPYUFBM PVEEOYA U DEFSHNY FEMECHYPT - FP, OEF OYUEZP X DYCHYFEMSHOPZP, YuFP RTY HIPDE YUENSHY, DMS OEZP OE UFBOEF, FBLPK KhTs, LBFBUFTPZhPK ZhBLF RTELTBEEOYS LPOFBLFPCH U DEFSHNY. OBRTPFYCH, DMS NCC YYOSHCH, LPFPTPK OBTCHOE U NBFETSHA OE URBM OPYUBNY, LBUBS LPMSHCHVEMSH, LPFPTSCHK RTYUHFUFCHPBM RTY RETCHPN YBZE NBMSCHYB Y DHM ABOUT RETCHHA UUBDYOH ABOUT LPME OLE - TBMHLB UP UCHPYN ZMBCHOSCHN "UPLTPCHYEEN" - NHYUYFEMSHOB. th, FBLPK PFEG - OBRTBCHYF CHUE UCHPY KHUIMS ABOUT FP, YUFPVSH LPOFBLF U TEVEOLPN OE RTETSCHCHBMUS.

- oBMYUYE X NHTS YYOSCH OPChPK UENSHY Y DEFEC CH OPChPK UENSHE.

TBURTPUFTBOEOOP NOOYE, UFP NHC YUYOB MAVYF DEFEC, RPLB MAVYF YI NBFSH. y — OBPVPTPTF: EUMY NHTS YYOB MAVYF TsEOEYOH, FP RPMAVYF Y ITS DEFEC. FP EUFSH, HIPDS CH OPCHHA UENSHA, PFEG, LBL VSHCH, ЪBNEOSEF UCHPEZP TEVEOLB - DTHZYN, Y FEN UBNSCHN, KHDPCHMEFCHPTSEF UCHPY PFGPCHULYE YUKHCHUFCHB. bFP OE UPCHUEN FBL. lPOYUOP, CH TSYY UMKHYUBAFUS CHPRYAEYE UIFKHBGYY. oP, L UYUBUFSHA LFP - OE RTBCHYMP. pDOBLP OEMSHЪS PFTYGBFSH, YuFP, YURPMOSS TPMSH PFGB RP PFOPYEOYA L RTYENOSCHN DEFSN, NHC YUYOB OE CHUEZDB KHUREYOP UPCHNEEBEF ЪBVPFKH P OPCHSHHI "RPPDREYUOSHI" U ЪБВПФПК П UPВУФ CHOOOSCHI DEFSI PF RTEDSHDHEYI VTBLPCH, YuFP, YuBUFP RTYCHPDYF L YI PVIDE ABOUT PFGB. th EEE: VPMSHYPE CHMYSOIE ABOUT FP, LBL PFEG RTY TBCHPDE VHDEF PVEBFSHUS UP UCHPYNY DEFSHNY, LBL RTBCHYMP, PLBSHCHBEF EZP OPCHBS TsEOB. l UPTSBMEOYA, NOPZIE TSEOOEYOSCH YZPYUFYUEULYI RPVKhTSDEOOK, YMY, YJ UFTBIB, YuFP NCC NPTsEF RETENEFOKHFSHUS L RTETSOEK TSEOE, CHUENY UYMBNY RTERSFUFCHHAF EZP OYA U RTETSOEK WENSHEK.

pDOBLP LBLYN VSH FSTSEMSCHN OH VSHM TBCHPD, LBLYNY VSH OERTEPDPMYNSCHNY OE LBBMYUSH TBOPZMBUYS NETSDKH VSHCHYYNYY UHRTKHZBNY, CHUTPUMSCHN CHUEZDB UMEDHEF RPNOYFSH P FEI, DMS L PZP SING PUFBAFUS MAVINSCHNY NBNPK Y RBRPC, P FEI, LFP URPUPVEO, DBTSE, RP RTPYEUFCHY OEULPMSHLYI MEF, TsDBFSH YI ЪCHPOLB CH DCHETSH.

Divorce and the new life of former spouses is one of the central topics in family psychology. And we often hear complaints from mothers who are raising children with little or no support from their ex-husbands about the coldness and aloofness of fathers towards their children.

This heartbreaking dialogue between former spouses turned out to be a kind of test of strength for a woman raising two teenage sons.

– Can I send you photographs of the children? They have grown up and matured so much! They are already becoming so independent... - the ex-wife chirps about her children, wanting to share her conscious joy from this truly unique state... BEING A MOTHER OF ALREADY ALMOST ADULT SONS!

- Photo? “Why...?” the man asked indifferently.

At that same second, something broke inside the woman. The lump was not swallowed. Tears were choking... And even the belated... well, they sent me an email,” which sounded like a favor, could not drown out the inner pain... No, no offense... Annoyance.

It’s a shame that the man was never able to grow up, realize fatherhood, accept this responsibility worthy of a real man - to be a father to his sons.

And here we are faced with an urgent problem in our society, if not a socio-psychological plague - indifference. Indifference, indifference, indifference. A triumph of unbridled egoism.

It is no coincidence that I place emphasis on the situational nature and isolation of each such case, since This condition may indicate a number of serious personal deformations:

• about psychological protection of men(if you carefully study the history of the family life of the former spouses, you will notice that such indifference or, in my opinion, it is adequate to say “false indifference” is a manifestation of a psychological defense mechanism when the man was in a humiliated state, was rejected, persecuted by his wife or mother-in-law. Accordingly, the problem can be worked out after the fact, first with the ex-wife, and then with her ex-husband, provided that both are aware of this problem and strive to avoid mistakes in communicating with people of the opposite sex in the future);
• about a man’s selfishness and corresponding attitudes, which are a priori toxic both for himself and for his ex-wife, children, and loved ones. (Here we can metaphorically cite an example from history, when the French monarch, the Sun King, Louis XIV, said about himself: “The State is Me!” Such exceptional conceit, with inadequately inflated self-esteem, as a rule, indicates the root problem of raising a future father in family.)

Moreover, it does not matter whether the family is complete or not.

Thus, in a complete family, the attitude towards the first-born is sometimes more reverent than towards subsequent children. Often reaching the point of fanaticism: “You are beautiful, like young Apollo!”, “What a wonderful figure you have, not like your father!” - the mother admires her adult son, being next to her husband.

Therefore, the first-born often has serious problems in the future. He was used to this kind of attitude from his mother. And even after getting married, he continues to experience a lack of delight from his wife, who gave birth to his child.

Indifference to one’s own children and indifference in their upbringing is an extremely significant problem for our society.

A man sometimes believes that he would rather pay child support than take part in raising children. Such an attitude, of course, speaks of the immaturity of his personality and the lack of development of ego beliefs in the context of conscious parenthood.

Conscious parenting for our country is one of the most acute problems, one might say chronic. Lack of awareness indicates many destructive moments both within the individual and in her relationships with other people.

“I wasn’t ready to get married,” “I didn’t have enough fun,” “I didn’t want a child,” how often do we hear these words from divorced spouses when we are faced with the issue of escaping responsibility.

I have repeatedly heard from male clients how they were forced to get married, how they did not want a child...

And every time it becomes bitter. Why can't a grown man take responsibility? After all, sometimes we are not talking about one-day relationships, but many years of experience in actual family life, about the notorious civil marriage, when the appearance of a child is quite logical.

Despite the relative novelty of the term “conscious parenting,” it is nevertheless a set of psychological and pedagogical practices aimed at activating parental potential, the comprehensive and, at the same time, competent participation of parents in the lives of their children.

How should a man build a relationship with his children after a divorce? Strange question, isn't it? But very relevant. On various forums, the Internet society was divided into two parts.

Some people believe that divorce cannot and should not affect a father’s feelings for his child. After all, he is not divorcing him, but his mother. That a father cannot suddenly stop loving him simply because he left the family. That this is wrong and it shouldn't be this way. Those who think so include the children themselves, who cannot understand where dad has gone and why he no longer loves, does not give gifts, does not invite people for walks.

Others are of the opinion that “out of sight, out of mind,” which is quite normal if, after a divorce, the father immediately moves away from the entire family and often the ex-wife is to blame for this - her behavior and emotions, claims and prohibitions. And since you can’t touch and play, you can stop loving and forget. Including new women of divorced fathers - why do they need these trips to the former family, the presence of the “former” child in the house, some unnecessary expenses in the form of alimony?

Let's still look at the reasons why a father's attitude towards his child may change after a divorce:

- He was raised that way. The man grew up in a family where the father did not take part in raising children, focusing only on providing for the family itself. As a child, he did not feel his father's attention and grew up with the feeling that this was the norm.

- Infantility. A man does not know how and is not ready to bear responsibility even for himself, not to mention his children. Some mothers, in their love for their sons, go so far that they are ready to look after them into old age, surround them with care, make all important decisions for them and jealously protect them from any discomfort.

- In his mind, he unites his wife and children into one whole. A man's attitude towards children is often determined by the man's attitude towards the mother of these children. Having divorced his first wife, the ex-husband often completely forgets about his own children, but is happy to tinker with the children of his new friend (wife). Not only does he practically not see them, although no one prevents him from doing so, but he also refuses to pay alimony, and his ex-wife, in response to all requests for financial support, hears “You’ll manage!” In his understanding, he gives money not to his children, but to his wife.

- A man’s attitude towards raising a child before divorce.“We love what is dear to us most of all,” “We love not those who are for us, but those for whom we are” - these words contain one of the keys to human relationships in general, and to the logic of fatherly love - in particular. If, before the divorce, the father saw his child on weekdays for several minutes a day - before going to bed, and on weekends he preferred TV to communicating with his children - then it is not surprising that when leaving the family, the fact of ceasing contact with children will not be such a disaster for him.

- The man has a new family and children in the new family. It is a common belief that a man loves children as long as he loves their mother. And vice versa: if a man loves a woman, he will love her children. That is, when leaving for a new family, the father, as it were, replaces his child with another, and thereby satisfies his paternal feelings.

But children don’t know how to delve into all these subtleties. They love unconditionally and expect the same love to be shown to them. I would like dads who have problems in their family to not forget about this.

A common situation when parents divorce and young children remain with their mother makes the children suffer. It is difficult for them to understand why dad is no longer around. It’s good if dad tries to visit the child more often, takes an active part in his upbringing, growing up, and is interested in his successes and problems. But there are not many such fathers - alas. Why do dads stop being interested in their children after a divorce?

There are several answers to this question. The most common one, according to family psychologists, is the desire of former fathers of the family to regain their youth and freedom, when there was no need to worry or care about anyone. At this time, men often have new companions. Having given yourself over to a new relationship, you also don’t have enough time for your children.
Some fathers believe that it is not so important to communicate with their babies every day. After all, weekends are enough, or at least a couple of days a month. In fact, you can’t catch up later. A man who was still a family man yesterday may be very surprised today when he remembers that his son will be twenty years old in a year! And we can no longer ride a bike together, go fishing, or tell stories from our childhood.
Also, do not forget that men, from childhood, have a role that they will fulfill in relation to their children. They take this role over from their fathers. If in the husband’s family the father did not take part in upbringing, only occasionally punishing the child, then the man will transfer the same behavior to his family. Accordingly, after a divorce you should not expect much interest.
There are also men who, in fact, are not yet ready to become fathers. It doesn’t matter how long they wanted a child, but then, realizing that a child is a big responsibility, they suddenly get scared and back down. As a result, the woman is left alone with the child. It is in vain to expect any interest in the child. Rare visits without much desire to communicate with my father will be a small consolation.
Often the wives themselves provoke such behavior. As soon as the ex-husband appears on the doorstep, the wife begins to tell him again that he ruined her whole life. Trying to protect himself from nervous experiences, the man will simply stop communicating with the child.
In situations where a man actively took part in the life of a child while still a member of the family, one should count on the same behavior after a divorce. If the father was not interested in the children, then he will not do this even after receiving freedom. He won't see anything wrong with it.
As mentioned above, new relationships and the appearance of new children also often affect the behavior of the parent. There is not enough time for children from a previous marriage. New wives also rarely take kindly to their husband's interest in his children from his previous wife.
Adults should stop in time and think about what kind of trauma they can cause to a child. You need to take care of your own children, even if they are from a previous relationship, and let them know that they are still loved.