Tibetan education: how to grow a full-fledged personality? Reviews of the book by Leonid Surzhenko A fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it

Do you want to raise a full-fledged personality out of your child?

Crazy dad will now give advice on raising a full-fledged personality.

You will be able to raise a simply excellent Person!

child-personality. How?

So, the full development of the child. What is needed for this?

10 tips on how to grow your personality:

1. Simply amazing friendly family climate. Going “to the left,” losing each other’s nerves, contemptuous and humiliating attitudes, constant tears of despair and other signs of “bad weather” between parents are simply not acceptable. A little person should grow up in a wonderful family climate!
2. Unambiguous always present optimism of each parent. You should not allow any bad thoughts about the future. Everything will be fine. You have to instill this in yourself and believe in it no matter what happens. A child must believe that his parents can do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING! In this case, he will automatically “copy” this style of behavior of his parents, and it will be easier for him to overcome any adversity in life.
3. Communicate with your child! How sometimes it’s not enough for a child’s happiness. Neither books, nor toys, nor other entertainment without parents will NEVER replace a child’s communication with his mom and dad. Give him time, have fun with him, make new discoveries, develop! A child should feel not only the material care of his parents, but also their genuine interest in him and his affairs! It seems to you that he is doing some unimportant nonsense. For a child, his activity is the most important event in his life! Take a break from your work and chat with your baby!
4. Talk to your child and talk to other people in front of him! It is extremely important for a little person to know how you - his inimitable example - communicate with OTHER people. Your intonation and manner of speech are important to him. Also, an invaluable gift for any child is the constant replenishment of vocabulary. When talking to your Miracle, introduce new words for the child and use old ones. However, please note that you should only use words and expressions whose meaning you understand.
5. Develop your child's creativity! Listen to a variety of music with it (from classical and national music of different countries and cultures to rap and various dance music); sculpt from plasticine and paint; when playing with toys, speak on their behalf and encourage the child in a playful way to speak on behalf of the toys he is playing with, etc. Creative abilities will help you find a full-fledged personality non-standard solutions to any problems!
6. Develop your child's imagination! Look at the stars and clouds; develop his imagination with questions about what you will do with him in the near future; ask about the child's wishes. Fantasize about anything: what grandma will wear tomorrow, in what mood dad will return home today, discuss options for holding a child’s birthday, what you can give to a friend for his birthday, etc. Make him think! The Little King may still be saying the most absurd things, but he is developing his imagination. In his future world, Developed Fantasy will find way out of any even the most difficult situation!
7. Develop your child's physics! Play outdoor games with him, take him to various sports clubs, swim in a pool or pond, wrestle in a playful way, do exercises and do other things related to the development of sports fitness. The more flexible the Human body is, the more developed it is, the purer the thoughts become and the easier it is to control one’s consciousness. Moreover, a developed body culture is simply beautiful and attractive both for the opposite sex and for superiors/partners.
8. Teach your child several daily activities! Exercising upon waking, brushing your teeth at night and other actions should be done at the same time. Make your child’s life easier—teach him at least a basic daily routine. In the future, this will allow a full-fledged personality achieve long-termgoals, maintaining discipline if necessary.
9. Get your child used to being part of a group! The child must communicate with peers! Only through interaction is success and self-realization possible in any society. Make every effort to ensure that your child easily finds a common language with other children. Ability to communicate never won't let the child be alone if he doesn't want it and allows it effectively manage communications with other people.
10. Don't force your child to do anything! You can call not just your rejection from the child and his internal resentment, but also to instill negative attitude to this lesson. You should learn to present classes either through a game form, or through necessity or simply given. But under no circumstances put pressure on the child’s psyche! Also shouldn't baby constantly pull back and all the time try to ban everything: study AGREE with the baby. Remember: even the smallest child should feel the power of words and be able to negotiate with other people! Neither shout nor be capricious, but communicate with others constructive conversation about how to get what you want.

We looked at 10 basic tips on how to grow a full-fledged personality.

I hope you can follow these tips! You will succeed! Go for it!

Note. If you have anything to add to the advice on growing your personality, add it! Because Personalities like Ksenia’s Mark are something :)

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Reflections on... Every child is talented, probably even a genius. Just turn around and see how wonderfully the girl draws with crayons on the asphalt, it’s just a real masterpiece - I’m sure she will become a famous artist or designer. But the boy does such somersaults on the horizontal bar - even though now he can be sent to the Olympics, he will not disgrace the honor of the country! And these kids cannot pass by a single stray dog, they will definitely feed them, take pity on them and try to place them in good hands - probably future veterinarians.

Be that as it may, it is important that adults notice in time what the child’s soul is drawn to and begin to develop this side of the child’s personality, even if it goes against their desires. But there are also some generally accepted moral standards, qualities, aspects of personality, character traits, by developing which parents will help their child become successful, a leader in life, a person whom they can later be proud of. Yes, it’s unlikely that we can mold a child into everything we want, because he’s not plasticine. But it is quite possible to adjust, smooth out and develop many qualities of a child’s character. In no way do I want to pretend to be a teacher who says what the right thing to do is, but I would like to hope that my article will help or at least give parents some ideas.

A fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it

In my opinion, one of the most important human qualities is the ability to empathize. If parents did not teach their child this in early childhood, then there is a high probability that over time their child will have fun torturing a street kitten or tearing off the wings of butterflies. And these are just flowers, the berries will come when this little man transfers his selfishness to people. Cruelty, violence, indifference to the grief of others - all this will be inherited by the child as he grows older. But cultivating this quality is not so difficult. Of course, you need to read more children’s fairy tales and parables, so that reading turns into a kind of lesson, because every fairy tale has a moral that you need to help the child understand. And to do this, you just need to ask your child a few simple questions after reading, for example, what does this fairy tale teach? And during walks, try to draw the child’s attention to everything beautiful, for example, a flower. Just explain to the child that there is no point in picking it, because it is alive and it will also hurt him, and also, if the flower is picked, then no one else will be able to admire its beauty. By the way, in this way you also develop the child’s aesthetic perception of the world. Only here, the main thing is not to overdo it, otherwise daily walks, reading and games can turn into an interrogation and an endless lesson, which will very quickly get boring for the child and lead to the opposite result.

Beauty will save the world

Well, since we are talking about aesthetics and beauty, it is worth saying that the ability to notice the beauty of the world around us or the beauty of other people’s actions is an important quality. By developing the ability to perceive beauty, parents develop the child’s intelligence and cognitive activity. First, the child notices an object, then begins to analyze it (in his own way, of course), and as a result, he concludes, without knowing it, whether this object is really beautiful or whether it simply evokes some kind of emotion. In everyday life, try to draw the child’s attention to some, albeit insignificant, objects, but at the same time do not forget to express your emotions, your attitude towards them, but not in monosyllables, but always by arguing your point of view. Moreover, this subject can be anything: a nice house, comfortably located on the edge of the street, or a tree that stretches its branches towards the sun. And if you turn it into a game, the baby will definitely get carried away. For example, my son and I are still walking, trying to find ten objects that are either unusual, stand out from the crowd, or simply attract attention with their beauty. But they definitely need to be described and said why they attracted attention. By the way, this technique develops speech and imagination well.

Habit is second nature

Another important quality is a sense of responsibility. Parents often hear their child’s request to buy some kind of animal, a puppy or a kitten, for example. But, as a rule, they simply refuse her, citing who will look after him. But it is precisely such a living creature that will be the first step towards your baby growing up as a responsible person. Yes, everything will not work out right away, and at first you will have to constantly remind the child that the animal needs to be fed, walked and cleaned up after it. And at the same time, you will need to restrain yourself from doing everything yourself - of course, it’s just as simpler. Over time, the child’s need to take care of his pet will become a habit, and after that this habit will transfer to other areas: household chores, schoolwork, etc. Believe me, it will all come back a hundredfold.

And talk and joke...

Of course, if you want your child to have as many friends as possible, teach him to see the good in other people. And here again the game will come to the rescue. Give your little one a task: talk to as many children as possible in the kindergarten or playground and find some common interests with them or the same character traits. And talk to your child all the time, help him learn how to have a proper conversation. Try to use new words and jokes that the child will remember and then be able to use himself. Naturally, he must understand their meaning.

Young talents

One of the main characteristics of any child is the desire to create. Draw, sculpt from plasticine, make crafts, but only so that mom and dad are sure to appreciate this masterpiece. In principle, there are now a lot of opportunities for children’s, and safe, creativity, you just need to want to find them, and they don’t cost that much money. What if parents and their child start making something interesting? How about doing a painting together? Let the baby draw trees, mom - a house, and dad - the sun and clouds. Or maybe it will be a dough craft? The detail is the mother, the detail is the dad, the detail is the child. This is so cool! And then it will be possible to arrange such a unique vernissage for family members. And even if the baby doesn’t succeed in everything right away, he is trying, and you are helping him. And even if the wallpaper in your apartment is covered with writing by a young artist, you shouldn’t scold him for it, you just need to redirect his energy in the right direction. By the way, the wallpaper in our hallway is still full of my son’s masterpieces. But this is such a small thing compared to the fact that you will receive incredible pleasure from communicating with your child, and he will once again be convinced that you have no one more dear to him in the world. And even if he does not become a famous artist, one must not deprive the child of the opportunity to express himself.

Yes, the article turned out to be very instructive. But you know, in my opinion, in a family where there is an atmosphere of mutual understanding, kindness and love, where children can always turn to elders for help and receive support, and not a slap on the head, where the child’s opinion is valued, spiritually healthy, full-fledged individuals will certainly grow up. Individuals in every sense of the word. Listen to your child, do not brush off his little problems, considering them insignificant, because who, if not you, will help him understand this complex and cruel world. Become an example for him, showing him what is right and what is wrong, where the line between good and evil is. If you lose your child now, you will not regain his trust in an instant.

Irina Vaganova

Leonid Anatolyevich Surzhenko

How to grow a Personality. Parenting without screaming and hysterics

Introduction

You speak:

- Children tire us.

You're right.

You explain:

– We must stoop to their concepts.

Go down, bend over,

bend, shrink.

You are wrong.

This is not what makes us tired.

And because you have to get up

to their feelings. Get up,

stand on tiptoe, stretch.

So as not to offend.

Janusz Korczak. When will I be little again

This book is not for children. Although about them. And even some of its fragments are written on behalf of the child. This book is for adults. Not for all adults. For adults who have become (or want to become) PARENTS. That's right: BY PARENTS. People related to their child. People who love and understand him. Or trying to understand. Or at least they would like to understand. If you don’t have this desire, don’t read this book. She just won't help you. As well as other publications, seminars, lectures and other smart information.

This book is written for adults. Children, as a rule, learn the language of adults and very quickly master it. Children are forced to adapt to adults, just as the weak are forced to adapt to the laws of the strong. But we, adults, on the contrary, forget the language of childhood, because childhood has passed and we no longer think in its categories. But the language of childhood is different. Different, like childhood itself. And to understand the child, we must go back to the far forgotten. To return to where we all came from - to childhood.

Children learn to speak early. By the age of one, they are already babbling something, imitating adults, and by two or three, they can express themselves quite tolerably, albeit with the help of a “translator,” who most often is their mother. Of course, this is not yet adult speech, and often it is not so easy to understand what the baby wants to convey to you. But we are adults, we are not afraid of difficulties and have some experience in life, so baby talk is not an obstacle to communication for us. We were like that ourselves.

And when the child grows up, the problems disappear altogether: our child already speaks well, we have a common language and, as a result, there should simply be no difficulties in mutual understanding.

But they exist.

Moreover, it is not difficult to understand what the child is telling us. But the questions “Why?”, “Why?” and “What should I do?” it doesn't get any smaller.

Why, exactly, do you need a book that doesn’t promise to give you answers to important life questions? Moreover, does it guarantee the emergence of new ones? Yes, no book can teach you how to live, because you cannot learn to live from books. How can you not raise a child using books? Parenting requires experience, and experience comes with practice. The rule is simple: if you want to learn something, you need to do it. Even in such seemingly purely theoretical things as education, in fact, only practice decides everything. And it is precisely in education that practice gives rise to theory, and not vice versa.

But to practice something, you need to know how to do it. This book just suggests the paths along which you can get somewhere. And you'll have to go yourself.

This publication is not about education. Although, of course, it is hardly possible to write about children and not have educational actions in mind at all. This book is also not about psychology. Although, again, psychology is present even in a textbook on higher mathematics. This book is just an example, an illustration, options for communicating with a child, proposed by the author. To some, these options will seem familiar, to others – curious. Perhaps someone will find them not worth their attention or even unacceptable. Anything is possible. But in any case, this publication will be useful to both. Because it's good to have a choice. It's much worse when it's not there at all.

And what else do they need, or Rugrats...

I don’t know and can’t know how parents unknown to me can, in conditions unknown to me, raise a child unknown to me, I emphasize – “can”, not “want”, not “obliged”...

...I want you to understand: no book, no doctor can replace vigilant thought and careful observation.

Janusz Korczak. The child's right to respect

When we were just planning a child, I was sure that I would be a good mother. I thought that my son or daughter and I would have complete understanding - if only because I would love him. After all, the child will be desired...

It was somehow impossible to get pregnant right away, two years passed - and nothing. No children. Of course, both I and my husband were worried. But what can you do here? Many people don’t succeed right away. It seemed like my life was starting to improve, I had new prospects at work, and my pregnancy somehow faded into the background. We decided: when it works out, then okay. But it turned out, as often happens, at the wrong time. I had just been promoted to head of the department when it happened. And we have loans, we just moved into a new apartment, and this, you know, involves renovations and nerves. Yes, and there are great inconveniences. There was just enough money to pay off all the loans and feed my husband and me. And our Volkswagen, with these prices for gasoline and repairs, do you know how much it cost? And here is a baby. Little son. No, of course, we were glad. And the husband too - a son, after all. It’s just a little bit at the wrong time. Unexpectedly.

Gave birth. It was difficult, after all, being the first-born. I would never have thought that giving birth would be such a challenge. But she gave birth. Herself.

She spent the prescribed week in the hospital. The first week with the baby. True, not the last, as we would like. I thought: I’d better go home soon. I'm terribly tired of these hospital walls. Maternity hospital diet. The bed is official. I wanted to go home. Discharged. It turned out that this week in the maternity hospital was the easiest. What happens there: they brought the child, fed him, and took him away. And now he is in my arms all the time. And away we go: diapers - diapers - washing - sleepless nights - bottles - formula. And the crying is constant, as it seemed to me then. In the morning. During the day. In the evening. And the worst thing is at night. I was waiting for something else: tenderness, smiles, mysterious maternal happiness... No, that was there too. But more - fatigue, the desire to sleep and sleep, irritation, confusion, a feeling of complete powerlessness and inadequacy. There was a constant nagging feeling that I was a worthless mother. That for others everything somehow goes as it should and only I am not fit to be a mother. What spoiled my mood the most was the inability to understand my child. She guessed something, but for the most part she acted at random, by selection. Crying? Let's go in order: change the diaper, pick him up, give him the breast... Something will help.

But time passed. I was getting used to it. I understood some things myself, some were suggested by my mother, friends, and acquaintances. Somewhere my husband helped. I thought: when he grows up and learns to speak, then it will definitely be easier. Because you won’t have to guess – he’ll tell you himself.

How to grow a personality
Education plays a very important role in a child’s life - it lays the foundation of his character and personal qualities. In order for the baby to grow up to be an interesting and self-sufficient person, mom and dad need to know the key foundations of his harmonious development.

Many parents believe that in order to raise a child to be self-confident, it is necessary to pay more attention to his intellectual development. But it is no less important for the baby to be independent and free to express his feelings and desires. After all, such important character traits as independence in decision-making, the ability to form one’s own opinion, responsibility, openness, can only be acquired by a child if he has a rich palette of emotions.

Maria Evgenievna Baulina, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Associate Professor of the Department of Clinical Psychology of the Psychological and Social Faculty of the Russian State Medical University, member of the JOHNSON’S® BABY expert council, talks about simple activities with a child that will help develop his strong character traits.

Interesting things

When a baby is still very small, its development largely depends on communication with loved ones and relatives. After all, it is from them that he learns new actions, reactions and forms of speech. The adult conveys to the child not only his experience, but also the desire to perform this or that action, interest in it. Therefore, while staying at home with the baby, involve him in your affairs, tell him what you are doing. This will help the baby learn about the world around him and be active.

Rich Moments

Vivid events associated with positive experiences are remembered by the child better than “neutral” ones. For example, when choosing a book for your baby, pay attention to the fact that it contains a lot of beautiful color pictures. While flipping through the pages, your baby will be delighted by the abundance of colorful illustrations, and this will help him remember the content faster.

Positive emotions “tell” the child what to pay attention to. Therefore, encourage your baby to try everything new and interesting. For example, when a child sees bright pencils or crayons, he will definitely want to “test” them on a blank sheet of paper. When playing with your child, let him try objects and materials that are unusual for him. Activities with sand, plasticine, mosaics, pieces of silk or velvet awaken the child’s imagination and stimulate the development of creative potential.

Also, from early childhood, spend more time with your baby in interesting places: parks, museums, concerts, etc. The child will probably not remember these events, but what is more important is that he will experience new emotions. Pay attention to the music that plays in your home.

Let these be pleasant, kind, cheerful songs. You can also perform them with your baby and even dance. All this will not only strengthen your emotional connection, but will also help the baby learn to distinguish the subtlest shades of experiences.

New emotions

Do not try to hide from your baby the manifestation of your feelings, for example, joy, sadness, irritation or fear. The main thing is that they are justified by the situation, and the baby can understand what the emotions are connected with. Explain to your child why they occur, this will help him more accurately evaluate facial expressions and understand the experiences of other people. When your baby is happy or angry, help him put into words what he feels. Thanks to this exercise, the baby will learn to analyze a variety of situations and in the future it will be easier for him to adapt to the requirements of educators, teachers, and relationships in society. Remember, the richer the child’s emotional experience, the easier it will be for him to understand his own experiences, manage his mood, maintain peace of mind, and empathize with others.

Work with your baby, pay more attention to his emotional state, and even better, become an example for him. And then the baby will grow up to be an open, bright and cheerful person.

The book is one of the good and lively ones, and this fact is somewhat surprising considering that almost nothing is known about the author. The author is a Buddhist and also a science fiction writer. The book is written competently, convincingly, it literally boils with an overabundance of practical advice.

“If a child doesn’t really like touch (we all love affection, but not everyone knows how to accept it), you can disguise it, say, by the need to straighten your daughter’s bangs, or brush off specks of dust from your son’s sleeve. Quite simple actions, but they give They are a lot. Touch, like a look, is extremely important for a little person. It is through touch that the most important emotional information is transmitted: “I love you, I trust you, I like to be with you.” I repeat: the child believes verbal expressions of love and affection. only when they are supported by a warm eye to eye look and a gentle touch. If this is not the case, the child subconsciously feels that he is not really loved and is very often mistaken, because it is quite possible that the parents themselves are simply not ready for this. type of contact (and the reasons for this already lie in the relationship with parents). Anyone who was not stroked on the head, hugged or kissed on the cheeks as a child will experience considerable difficulties with such manifestations of love for his children.”

The author likes the theme of love and trust; he seems to be anew surprised at his own conclusions and infects the reader with his curiosity. The book could be called a method of fighting cockroaches, a high-quality “dust”. In everything related to relationships with children, they suggest not chasing unnecessary thoughts, obeying instincts and reacting SIMPLY, not complicated. If a child extends his hand to you, just take it, and you don’t have to think about what you are teaching him at the moment, whether you are pampering him or not. If a child complains that someone has offended him, take on his emotion (“yes, you are upset, you were offended” - again the Gippenreiter technique), without jumping in with aggressive intonations, without trying to urgently teach life. If your child is afraid to go to the toilet in the dark at night, leave the night light on, and do not increase neurosis with highly psychological methods of overcoming fears. And so on.

The book examines a huge variety of situations, from a bully in kindergarten to sex education for teenagers, when children need a very, very simple reaction, not complicated by the parent’s chronic thoughts about their status and the political picture of the world. I don’t want to agree with every piece of advice, but it’s fascinating reading. The author analyzed all the problems that happen to young and older children, piece by piece, offered options for getting out of them and indicated the “pros” and “cons.” There are many accurate observations that are invisible in everyday life: for example, about the emotional instability of dads (compared to moms), who want to stop children's tantrums in one fell swoop, because they are unable to listen to them day after day. Many examples from life, which are also analyzed with humor and zen. A good book, thoughtful, funny in its emotional intensity, we give the author a high five for courage.