ANGER AND AGGRESSION.

taken from the website of the ANO Psychological Center “Resources”

Outbursts of anger in a 2-3 year old child can be quite strong and literally take his parents by surprise. Most often, the first reaction of parents to these negative feelings will be to prohibit and blame the child for experiencing them.

What is the best way for parents to act? Which position is most justified from the point of view of child psychology?

Almost all caring parents think that a child surrounded by the love and attention of his family, just has no reason to be angry. And this “groundless” anger, in their opinion, makes them think about whether everything is okay with their child: “Maybe it’s our fault? Spoiled?" The question naturally arises: “How should we approach this?” Not paying attention - won't this encourage aggression? Explain and punish? But how do you explain such complex things to a baby? And if he doesn’t understand, then why punish him?

In the causes of children's aggression we have to understand, as well as develop the correct onetics of parental behavior. To begin with, we just need to define what we mean by the word “aggression”. First of all aggression will mean ah aggressive actions, committed by a child in relation tocommunication with other people. This could include biting, pinching, scratching, hitting, or other ways of physically hurting them. Aggressive actions can also include a child’s intentional damage to toys and other items in a fit of anger and rage. “Swear words” that a child utters to loved ones - “I’ll kill”, “throw away”, etc. - are manifestations of verbal aggression. The words “anger” or “anger” will actually refer to the emotional state of the child, the negative feelings he experiences.

Well, now let's try to understand what motivates a baby who attacks his beloved mother, grandmother and others with his fists.

What happens to a child by the age of two - the age at which aggression against parents most often begins to manifest itself? The child is growing up: he has learned to control his arms and legs, has mastered his body enough to move independently and explore the world around him, and has learned to use simple words to express his desires to his parents. And I realized that to some extent he controls his parents. He cried - mom came up, wet himself - mom changed his clothes, got hungry - mom fed him, etc. As the child develops, he improves his ways of attracting attention to himself, remaining for the time being in the happy delusion that his mother will continue to guess all his desires and satisfy all his needs.

And then one day he is faced with a situation in which mom tells him no. Sooner or later, it becomes difficult for the mother to adapt to the ever-increasing needs of the child. Her refusal to fulfill one or another desire of the child can cause quite strong anger. According to the child’s inner feeling and the previous experience of his life, the mother “has no right” to refuse him. He is used to getting what he wants, and does not understand why it should be different. The child begins to protest and get angry, resorting to simple aggression.

Is this normal? Absolutely normal! Anger is a normal reaction of a healthy body to an obstacle that prevents you from getting what you want. However, the child does not yet understand what his parents learned well in childhood. We can't always get what we want right away.. Sometimes we have to not only endureto wait, But And make significant efforts for achieving what you want, enduringwith all sorts of inconveniences. Moreover, sometimes, Despite all efforts, we cannot satisfy our desire. And in this regard, we must also learn to cope with negative feelings. It is precisely this experience of humility, of postponing one’s desires “for later” that the child still lacks.

Our public social life is subject to many restrictions and prohibitions that are still unknown to the child. Although for parents these prohibitions have long become the norm and operate automatically. And they expect the same from their child. “How does he not understand, this is impossible!” But he doesn’t understand, or rather, he hasn’t understood yet. A child is not born with the ability “endure” and “wait”, he will need to learn this. And he will study throughout preschool age (and then throughout his life). The task of parents is help him with this, without pandering, but also without rushing him and without judging.

He will also have to learn to restrain his aggression. In addition to the ban on aggressive actions towards others, society has an even stronger ban on aggression towards close people - relatives and family members. Sometimes parents are ready to understand their child’s aggression directed at a stranger, but they are “offended” by him if these actions concern themselves. Sometimes, on the contrary, the mother “will not notice” the child’s aggressive behavior towards her, but will be ashamed if the child starts doing the same thing at a party or on the street in the presence of strangers.

By the way, by expressing anger, a child can cause harm not only to others, but also to himself. A child can direct anger both at those who caused it feelings - that is, on parents, and on “replacingliving" objects - toys, furniture, etc. But sometimes the child directs his anger and rage at... himself. For example, he may start hitting himself, pulling his hair, and even hitting his head against the wall. In child psychology there is a special term for this behavior - auto-aggression, or aggression directed at oneself. We will not delve into this topic now; we will only note that auto-aggression receives its development/feeding when other ways of expressing aggression are strictly prohibited. “You are bad, you beat your grandmother,” the parents tell the child. “I’m bad,” the child understands to himself. This means that you need to punish yourself. As we see, the child behaves very “logically”. However, very quickly his parents feel sorry for him. And not in vain, auto-aggression is unsafe for the child’s psyche, and its manifestations should be a signal to parents about his internal troubles.

So, speaking about the attitude of adults to manifestations of children's aggression, we noticed that at the core indignation most often lies behind the idea, the child already has the ability to control chowl anger, which means he hurts them on purpose, “osozNanno." That is why the first thing parents should remind themselves of when faced with a manifestation of aggression on the part of a child is that he really “does not realize what he is doing” and does not control himself sufficientlyexact measure to restrain your aggressive pulse. He does not yet understand that he is committing a bad act, just as he does not understand that you are in pain; the baby may still not understand (not remember from sensations) what pain is in general. That is why it is very important for parents to indicate what is happening - embracerealize that they are in pain and calmly explain to the child, that “you can’t fight or hit people.”This ban and the explanation must be repeated again and again, preventspeaking to the child at the time of implementation aggressive actions- catch his hand raised to strike, dodge bites, etc.. Until the child realizes what is happening and learns to restrain himself of his own free will.

In response to the child’s aggressive action, the mother, as a last resort, can resort to light corporal punishment - a slap on the bottom, squeezing the child’s hand in the forearm, etc. This punishment will be, so to speak, symbolic in nature. Its purpose is to indicate to the child the seriousness of his offense. This remedy should not be abused. It will be effective if used occasionally, when it seems that such punishment is appropriate. Of course, a 2-3 year old child is already able to partially understand his actions, but very often he still cannot slow down his aggression at the moment when he is overcome by a feeling of anger. Although later he realizes what he did and sincerely repents. For example, a child may make comments to toys: “You can’t fight, you can’t offend your mother,” although he himself may continue to swing and hit his mother.

In this case, some mothers begin to get annoyed with the child even more: “How is it - he knows what he shouldn’t do, but still does it. So, on purpose." However, these mothers are simply rushing to conclusions. Such a situation should be treated not as a “pedagogical failure”, but as an intermediate success of its influence. The child’s behavior shows that he has already memorized the rule, knows what is expected of him, but is simply not yet able to fulfill it whenever it is required. While emotions are stronger than him. And that's okay too. Any study takes time. And you need to give this time to both yourself and the child.

Thus, a preliminary conclusion can be drawn. The fact that the child is angry, swears and maybe aggressive - normal. This is not a sign of corruption or improper upbringing. Anger in its own way origin is the same natural feeling as rahappiness or sadness. Anger is also energetically a charged feeling that in many situations helps to fight difficulties, overcome obstaclesactions. Anger may be needed for self-defense, to assert one’s rights. Anger sends a signal to a person that some important need is not being met. That's why The child is faced with the task of not suppress your anger altogether, and learn to express itin a safe way for yourself and others. Ideally, you need to learn not only to express your anger in a civilized manner, but also to turn this negative energy into constructive actions to overcome obstacles.

By forbidding a child to be angry and angry in general, by imposing a “taboo” on this feeling, parents can do their children a disservice. How does a child feel if his parents shame him for being angry? “I’m bad, there’s something wrong with me.” Because anger occurs naturally over and over again, the child may begin to fear being rejected for having these “wrong” feelings. Thus, in place of anger come guilt and a feeling of one’s own inferiority.

At the same time, anger does not evaporate anywhere, but remains unconscious, suppressed, which is fraught with inappropriate outbursts of anger in situations where a person’s self-control is weakened, for example, during illness. This outburst of “forbidden” anger leaves behind a very severe state of guilt, demoralizing the person even more and depriving him of the strength to fight stress and ill health. Guilt and shame may be even less constructive than anger. And unlike anger they don'tgive a person strength, but, on the contrary, weaken him,causing you to doubt yourself and your capabilities.

To teach a child to control his anger and managing it, it is worth sharing the feeling of anger and aggressive actions committed by the child. When you condemn a child's aggressive actions, you do not condemn him for his feelings. “You have the right to be angry, to be dissatisfied, to declare your disagreement,” you tell him. “But you shouldn’t hurt people and all living beings.”

This way you ban aggressive actions, not feelings. At the same time, it is good if you indicate to your child an “allowed” action that will allow him to get rid of accumulated tension: beat a punching bag (or a special “hitting toy”), have a pillow fight, have a fight with inflatable swords, tear up old newspapers, crush plasticine and etc. Thus, scientifically speaking, you “channel” his anger, which means you control it.

Now a few words about curse words. Parents have an equally negative attitude towards manifestations of both physical and verbal aggression in children. Although from the point of view of child psychology, oddly enough, the expression of verbal aggression is preferable. Because it's a more "civilized" and more "adult" way to be angry. Agree, saying is not doing. This is why parents can initially teach their children to replace their aggressive actions with words. This will be the first step towards coping with your aggression.

It is great if a child learns to recognize his anger when he himself can understand that he is angry now. And he can learn this if you, his parents, first recognize and indicate his anger for him. When you notice that your child is unhappy and angry, you need to tell him about it (without judgment, calmly): “I see that you are angry.” And then the next question-assumption: “Are you angry because... it doesn’t work out / you can’t / I don’t allow you, etc.?”

In other words, you appeal to the child's mind, inviting him to determine the cause of the anger. This is the most valuable lesson for a small child: he can UNDERSTAND , maybe not right away , that there is a specific reason for his experiences. Over time, he will be able to determine this reason himself, thereby moving from the expression of emotions to their analysis, which, of course, will allow him to learn to restrain his aggressive impulses. The next step for him will be the ability to enter into a contractual relationship with his mother, that is, to negotiate to get what he wants under certain conditions.

Thus, scheme for teaching a child educationalmanaging your anger looks like this:

1) first you indicate to the child his condition - “you’re angry” - and name a possible reason;

gradually the child learns to understand that he is angry and associates his feelings with a specific reason;

at the same time, he learns to express his desires and needs in words and to ensure that others understand what he needs: “I want...”, “Now I want you...”, “I don’t want you...” ";

Common mistake parents is to suppress the child’s feelings of anger and impose an absolute ban on any aggressive actions on his part.

Reason This is due to the fear of parents. They are afraid that their child will grow up to be an “asocial type” and will not love his parents. A deeper reason lies in the parents’ inability to manage their own anger, which they were similarly “forbidden” to feel as children.

Parents should not shame and scold their child for his feelings and for the fact that he is not yet able to cope with his aggression. It’s bad if the child concludes: “I’m bad because I’m angry; but since sometimes I can’t help but get angry, I get even angrier, and I’m also angry that I’m forbidden to be angry.” As a result, he does not learn to control his aggression, he only learns to suppress it, which weakens him and deprives him of important experience - the opportunity to learn to control himself.

Correct Actions parents are to stop the child at the moment of his committing aggressive actions and inform him that it is unpleasant and painful for you. For example, a mother can physically prevent the “attacks” of an infant: remove the nipple from his mouth when he tries to bite, stop his hand raised for a spanking, And etc. In the future, an older child should be taught to replace his aggressive actions with words, telling him what he is angry about. The child can also be taught other ways of expressing his anger, ways that are safe for him And for others, it is to “channel” their aggression.

If a child is able to recognize his feeling of evility, identify and name the reason, and also talk about this to others, that means he's doing a great job with the difficult task of controlling their negativefeelings, knows how to manage them.

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Every parent will definitely remember at least one or two cases when he lashed out at his child, yelled, slapped him on the head, humiliated him with a rude word, or severely punished him over a trifle. Most often, after an outburst of anger, and sometimes even at the moment of it, parents understand perfectly well that the child’s offense was not worth such a violent reaction, but they cannot help themselves. The situation is repeated again and again, and each of the participants in the conflict suffers: children - from the injustice and cruelty of their dearest and most beloved people, and adults - from their own helplessness and painful feelings of guilt. How to cope with aggression towards a child and learn to control your anger, rage and irritability?

Why do parents experience aggression towards their own children?

Aggression towards one’s own children and irrational anger are found not only in dysfunctional families, but also among loving, caring parents. However, this topic is perceived as inconvenient and shameful to discuss, especially since the so-called strict upbringing and rigid position of parents is still the norm. Although most fathers and mothers are aware of how destructive negative emotions are, they are unable to control them or explain where they come from.

Aggression and anger are reactions caused by internal discomfort. In fact, they are triggered not by the child’s prank or his misdeed, but by other, deeper reasons, which often originate in childhood, in the parental family.

Parental anger is often associated with disappointment and disappointed expectations. Parents often picture an ideal child in their imagination and try to adapt the baby to their inner ideal. When a child shows his individuality and does not behave the way his parents “should”, the parent experiences extreme disappointment and strives with all his might to take control of the situation.

Parents often unconsciously copy the behavior of their own parents towards them. The child assimilates the parent’s behavior model as the only possible one and, growing up, repeats it, since he does not know how it could be different. It is not easy to destroy this mechanism, but it is possible, and awareness of these patterns is the first step.

How to help yourself cope with your aggression towards your child

Aggression towards their children, anger and other negative emotions are one of the main problems for which parents turn to psychologists.

There are some general tips for learning to cope with anger directed at your children.

Find reasons

First of all, you need to understand the causes of anger. Perhaps you are irritated due to overwork, chronic fatigue, troubles at work, or you have to worry about some important event in life. If aggression is caused by other reasons that are difficult for you to understand, this is a reason to seek psychological advice.

Work on yourself

You need to learn to recognize and recognize your emotions, express and control them correctly. Aggression often manifests itself in parents who grew up in dysfunctional families, did not receive and do not receive support from their loved ones, and simply do not know how to live their feelings correctly. Change! Learn to feel and empathize, love not only your baby, but also yourself.

Accept your child exactly as he is

Understand that your baby doesn't have to be just like you or what you want him to be. Let him have his own characteristics, his own experiences and his own difficulties. Don’t break it, don’t remake it, don’t cut it “to suit yourself,” don’t protect it from real life. By accepting your child and recognizing his individuality, you will protect yourself from disappointments and disappointed expectations, and therefore from unnecessary reasons for anger.

How to accept your child

Strong families are built on the foundation of love, respect for each other and mutual acceptance. Loving your child means, first of all, accepting the child, which means recognizing his right to be himself. When we are talking about a tiny person who does not yet know how to walk or hold a spoon in his hands, this is quite simple - as long as he fully meets the parent's ideas about a child and is easy to control.

But the older the baby gets, the brighter his personality manifests itself, and, alas, it does not always suit his mom and dad. Parents always try to give their child what they didn’t have, to protect them from the bad things that happened in their life. Expectations and fear for their child pushes them to live their child’s life instead of the child himself. They are afraid to give him the opportunity to gain his own experience, filling his own cones.

Together with parental anxieties and worries, their phobias are passed on to their children. The more we try to protect our little one from the dangers of the world around us, the more we care for our children, the more insecure they become, because in essence, by doing this we tell them that life is full of unpleasant surprises and dangers.

How can you be afraid for your child? Believe in him, support, love and trust. Help develop strengths and work on weaknesses.

How to learn to perceive him as an independent, full-fledged person? Let go of your expectations for your child, see his characteristics in a real light, loosen control and allow him to be himself.

How to deal with anger at a child: practical advice

Anger is like an explosion: the outbreak occurs at lightning speed, therefore, it is very difficult to catch this moment and pull yourself together. Psychologists advise analyzing the mechanism that forces you to react in this way, and the reasons that serve as the “trigger button”. How to deal with the usual behavior scenario?

Step 1: Stop

At whatever stage of the scenario development you catch yourself, no matter what happens, stop. This way you will give yourself a break during which you can comprehend what is happening. If you learn to stop, then this is already a victory. The ability to interrupt an emotional outburst means that over time you will learn to take control of your emotions. Perhaps this stop will save your child and you from irreparable consequences.

Step 2: Find the trigger

Remember what was the impetus that launched the usual scenario. Answer the question, what feelings did you experience then? Was it pain? Resentment? Helplessness? Anger? Were these feelings caused by the child and his actions, or were you actually experiencing them towards someone else?

Step 3: Feel your baby

What is he experiencing now? Fear? Pain? Guilt? Feeling of injustice? How adequate is your anger to his behavior? Is he really trying to piss you off, make you suffer, or is this just an attempt to get your attention? Does he have troubles with other family members or friends? Is he healthy?

Step 4: Create a new script

If you manage to conduct a qualitative analysis of the situation and see the mechanism of anger in real light, you will be able to separate your feelings and emotions from the child’s behavior and realize his true motives. It will become clear to you that your reaction largely projects old ones onto the present situation, and your baby’s actions are not directed against you and are not at all as terrible as you think. Based on this, you can now develop a new script for your behavior and follow it every time you start to get angry. Over time, the new behavior mechanism will become a habit, and reactions to certain events that previously drove you crazy will become adequate on their own.

What to do if you lash out at your child

If an outbreak of aggression has already occurred, and it was clearly incommensurate with the child’s offense, in no case should the situation be left as it is. Any conflict must be resolved.

1. Calm down, come to your senses.
2. Calm the baby down, take pity on him. If he is scared and does not make contact, do not insist. Ask other family members to calm him down.
3. Apologize.
4. Try to explain your behavior.
5. If the child was wrong, calmly explain why. Refrain from making accusations.
6. Tell your baby that you love him.

Don't read lectures, don't get nervous, don't start shouting. Be calm, honest and sincere. Do not fall into the temptation to make amends by allowing your child to do something that was previously prohibited.

Later, alone with yourself, conduct a “debriefing” - analyze the situation, try to find out what caused your explosion. If you have difficulties on any of these points and you cannot figure it out on your own, as well as anger at your child, seek qualified psychological help.

Working on any relationship, including relationships with children, is first and foremost working on yourself. Therefore, if aggression towards children, which you are not able to cope with on your own, is your constant problem, you need to consult a specialist. Most likely, behind your anger is an unresolved conflict with your own parents. An experienced clinical psychologist in Moscow will help you resolve it, and will also teach you how to constructively express your emotions, worry less, and build a healthy relationship with your children.

The causes of childhood aggression should be sought in the following factors:

• Hereditary predisposition. In some cases, we take a lot from our ancestors, which is natural and understandable. Genetics is a science that explains the influence of inherent inclinations on a child. With aggressive parents, the child often receives heredity of the same kind, which will become a big problem for him in later life.
• Temperament warehouse. Even calm parents may have a choleric child who will begin to violently express their emotions. It can be extremely difficult for him to control himself, because he still lacks life experience and self-discipline. In addition, the hyperactivity of a little fidget often requires an outburst of emotions, which are not always positive for others.
• Wrong parenting model. You need to praise your child, but without obviously going overboard in this process. Excessive indulgence of children's desires and whims can lead to the child's aggression at the slightest refusal of his voiced request. Protest is often expressed in the form of hysterics and even an attempt to hit the weak-willed parent.
• Incorrect criticism. Blame must be present in the educational process of any child, but it must always be balanced and appropriate. A small personality can rebel if it is humiliated in front of strangers. Every adult will not tolerate such an attitude towards himself, but for some reason this is forgotten when it comes to a small person.
• Critical age. Experts say that at certain times children experience some outbursts of aggression. This applies to the period when the child turns three, seven and twelve to fourteen years old. It should be noted that aggression will have a different nature of formation. This is not surprising, because while studying the world around us, the little researcher gains experience, and his wishes change dramatically.
• Imitation of peers. Someone else's example is not always positive when it comes to childhood aggression. Very often, a child begins to copy the behavior of his friend, who seems to him strong and courageous in showing his obvious cruelty. The worst thing happens when such dangerous interest clubs are created.
• Jealousy of parents. Sometimes dad and mom can’t understand what happened to their once calm child, who was simply replaced. The cause of aggressive behavior may be jealousy towards a new brother or sister, because the parents' main attention is now directed to the baby. A similar situation also arises when a new representative appears in a once single-parent family, who encroaches on the love of dad or mom.
• Problems in the children's team. A child can become aggressive if he is under pressure from a large number of peers. This resembles a kind of bullying, which is difficult for an unformed personality to resist. Such persecution can unsettle even an adult, so aggression as self-defense in this case is quite common.

The voiced factors can sometimes influence the calmest child, because the child’s psyche is still being formed. Therefore, there is no need to panic when aggression occurs at this age. However, it is also not recommended for specialists to let the situation take its course.

Types of childhood aggression

Psychologists distinguish several types of manifestations of inappropriate behavior in a child. Experts classify types of childhood aggression as follows:

1. Physical hostility. It can be expressed in systematic provocations to fight, as well as in damage to things. An aggressive child of this type allows himself to treat animals cruelly, which should definitely alarm parents and teachers.
2. Verbal (verbal) hostility. Such noisy children often become a big problem for their fathers and mothers, as well as for representatives of educational institutions. Screaming and swearing is the natural state of little bullies with verbal aggression.
3. Negativism. Being in constant opposition is becoming the norm for young rebels. At the same time, they are not afraid of loneliness, because they are comfortable being in the company of themselves.
4. Indirect aggression. Children with this model of behavior do not rush into fights, but are quite aggressive. They can stomp their feet, become hysterical and organize bullying of their peers, making malicious jokes about them and giving offensive nicknames to peers.
5. Self-injury. In this case, the accumulated negativity or resentment towards the immediate environment can play a cruel joke on the child. Auto-aggression is dangerous because it becomes a destructive factor for an unformed personality.

It is impossible to clearly determine which of the voiced models of behavior becomes the most problematic for parents of rebellious children. Any type can become dangerous both for the child himself and for his environment.

Consequences of childhood aggression

All negative actions have their natural consequences over time. The manifestation of child aggression can lead to the following disastrous results:

• Rejection by others. Nobody likes to be humiliated, causing mental or physical inconvenience. In this case, the child tries to protect himself from his peer-aggressor, which is a normal reaction and protection from the offender. Consequently, in the end, a brawler and a bully may remain in splendid isolation when he is boycotted by other children.
• Unfortunate fate. Accustomed to impunity and indulgence on the part of parents, a small aggressor can grow into a big tyrant. It is not a fact that his life will turn out well, because few people will want to communicate with such a person. We all strive for comfort, so to endure ridicule, humiliation and physical violence against ourselves is clearly too much for an adequate person.
• Possibility of forming informal groups. An aggressive child may not be left alone if he meets children with the same behavior pattern. However, you should not rejoice at this fact, since all this is fraught with problems with the law in the future. Informal associations, which are connected by a dangerous idea for society, are the end of all hopes for the future for every teenager.

Important! If parents are truly interested in their child growing up to be a decent person, then under no circumstances should they allow the child to become aggressive. It is recommended to closely monitor the little troublemaker in order to correct his behavior in time.

Methods to combat childhood aggression

Experts say that a drastic approach to correcting the current situation will only worsen the problem. All this is a logical conclusion, because evil always becomes an additional provocateur of another evil in response.

The consequences of childhood aggression are always unpredictable, so psychologists offer the following methods of dealing with the inappropriate behavior of a little brawler:

1. Controlling a child's actions. It is possible to hide your head in the sand according to the principle of self-defense of an ostrich, but this will not lead to anything good. If you don’t pay attention to the outbursts of anger of a young bully, then this will transform into such a dangerous factor as permissiveness. The aggressor will understand that his behavior suits everyone completely, and will begin to act even more dissolutely and defiantly.
2. The principle of the "golden mean". The method of the stick and the doubly desired carrot after this has not yet been canceled. At the same time, you need to control your emotions so as not to go too far. The child must clearly understand that he has upset his parents and is behaving incorrectly. Otherwise, he will decide for himself that since adults allow themselves to be aggressive, then God himself ordered him to act on the same principle.
3. Love therapy. We all care about our children, but we don’t always know how to demonstrate this correctly. Trying to harshly raise a boy into a real man, and a girl into an iron lady, we traumatize the psyche of our offspring. The child has a completely logical protest against tyrant adults, which then results in wild antics and outright protest marches.
4. Correctional work with a psychologist. This technique can be very useful if children have persistent and cyclical mood swings. At the same time, parents do not know how to deal with children's aggression on their own. There are many ways to help a child in a difficult situation with the help of properly coordinated influence on the psychological state of the little patient. A traditional role-playing game can change a lot in the behavior of a difficult child or teenager.

Prevention of childhood aggression

It is better to prevent a problem than to bravely fight it later. Prevention of childhood aggression may include the following:

• Calm home environment. In a family where it is not customary to raise one’s voice at each other, the question of dealing with children’s outbursts of anger usually does not arise. Even when scolding a child for an offense, you need to clearly but measuredly explain your complaints to him. Such a model of adult behavior will become a good example for their younger generation and an excellent correction of childhood aggression.
• Organized leisure. If your beloved child is passionate about something, then he will have little time left for meaningless and unproductive outbursts of anger. A boy or girl who is potentially prone to fights can be offered a visit to a sports section. A smart decision would be to assign the little provocateur to a martial arts group led by an experienced and wise coach. In such sports organizations they teach not only hand-to-hand combat techniques, but also the ability to control their emotions.
• Restricting access to the media. At the same time, no one is suggesting a ban on watching the cartoon about the fawn Bambi, because this animation carries only a positive educational charge. However, the same Internet sometimes simply resembles a time bomb in terms of the quality of the information products offered. A child absorbs everything like a sponge, so in order to prevent aggression, it is necessary to monitor what your beloved child is watching.
• Control of the child's environment. Very often, society shapes the worldview of the younger generation. It is useless to fight this, but it is quite possible to correct the situation. There is a great expression that says tell me about your friend and describe yourself. It is very problematic to select children’s social circle by prohibiting any relationship with the local hooligan and bully. All that glitters isn't always gold, and you can simply have a heart-to-heart talk with your child, trying to find out the positives of a troubling friendship.

How to deal with childhood aggression - watch the video:

Childhood aggression is a phenomenon that must be combated. Wise parents will try to prevent the voiced pattern of behavior in their son or daughter, but in life you cannot plan everything at your own discretion. Knowing their child better than anyone, the father and mother will always decide for themselves how to cope with child aggression. In particularly problematic cases, you can seek help from a psychotherapist who will help you find a way out of the critical situation.

To understand the reasons that cause aggressive behavior in a child, you first need to understand what aggression is. Psychologists say that aggression is not an attitude, not a motive, or even an emotion. Aggression is not a healthy behavior pattern that begins in early childhood. The reasons that provoke the development of an aggressive pattern of behavior in a child have a very real basis, so it is extremely important not only to know about them, but also not to ignore the possible consequences.

We have selected the most common causes of aggression in children, according to experts:

Reason #1 - Rejection by parents

This reason is one of the basic ones, since according to statistics, aggressive patterns of behavior most often manifest themselves in unwanted babies. If a child was born to parents who were consciously or subconsciously unprepared for this, he not only intuitively feels the catch, but also “reads” this information from intonation and gestures. Such a child tries to prove that he is good and has the right to exist. However, it usually does this quite aggressively.

Reason #2 - Hostility

It is very difficult for a child whose parents are hostile towards him. Over time, this baby transfers the attitude of his parents to the world around him, which seems far from friendly to him. If parents allow their negativity to be taken out on the child or blame the child for their own failures, the child not only loses self-confidence, he develops fears and phobias. Over time, the lack of a sense of security and stability leads to bursts of aggression that are directed at parents.

Reason #3 - Destruction of emotional connections

If a child is forced to live with parents who treat each other with disrespect or hostility, his life becomes a nightmare. It is especially sad when a child not only witnesses family quarrels, but also takes part in dramatic events.

As a result, the child is either in constant tension, suffering from family disputes and an unstable situation in the house, or begins to harden his soul and become a subtle manipulator with a very aggressive pattern of behavior.

Reason No. 4 - Disrespect for the child’s personality

Aggressive behavior can be caused by tactless and incorrect criticism, humiliating and offensive remarks, especially if they were expressed publicly. Disrespect for the child's personality, and even more so his humiliation, can cause serious complexes that destroy self-confidence.

Reason #5 - Excessive control

As a rule, excessive control over the child’s behavior is established by parents who have a tough and domineering character. However, in an effort to control every step, mom and dad should not forget that by doing so they suppress the personality and hinder the development of their child. In addition, overprotection causes not so much love as fear and the desire to run away. The end result of such harsh upbringing will be the child’s aggressive behavior directed at others (adults and children). A kind of veiled protest against the “oppression” of the individual, rejection of the situation of subordination, the existing state of affairs, the fight against prohibitions. In an attempt to protect his self, the child chooses an attack as a form of defense, even when he is not in danger.

Reason #6 - Excessive attention

When a child is given a lot of attention in a family, he quickly gets used to it and becomes spoiled. Over time, the parents' desire to please the baby turns against them. If the next wish of such a child is not fulfilled, in response the parents receive an outburst of aggression in the form of a thrown hysteria or “quiet” meanness.

Reason #7 - Lack of attention

The constant busyness of parents also gives rise to aggressive behavior in children. In this case, aggression is used as a way to attract parental attention, even in a negative form. The child feels lonely and defenseless, he is frightened by the indifference of his parents and, as a result, aggressive, inappropriate actions.

Reason #8 - Feeling of fear

It should also be remembered that outbursts of aggression can be caused by the baby’s anxious state and dictated by fear. Quite often, aggressive behavior is a child’s cry for help, behind which there is a real tragedy and genuine grief. As a rule, a frightened person acts and thinks inappropriately to the situation. A frightened child also lets the situation get out of control and ceases to understand who is his enemy and who is his friend.

Sergey Vasilenkov for Women's magazine "Prelest"

– verbal and physical activity aimed at causing harm to one’s own health, people, animals, and external objects. Based on negative emotions, the desire to harm. Manifested by disobedience, irritability, cruelty, insults, slander, threats, refusal to communicate, acts of violence (bites, blows). Diagnosed by a psychiatrist or psychologist. The research is carried out using the method of conversation, observation, questionnaires, questionnaires, and projective tests are used. Treatment includes group and individual psychotherapy - training in ways to control emotions and safely express anger.

ICD-10

R45.6 F91

General information

Aggressive behavior is detected in children of all ages. It primarily serves as a way of expressing negative emotions - irritation, anger, anger. Observing the result of such behavior, the child evaluates its usefulness. Secondarily, he demonstrates aggression with a specific goal - to get toys, food, to attract the attention of parents, to prove strength, importance, to subjugate others. The more often the desired is achieved, the more firmly aggressiveness is consolidated in behavior, becoming a quality of character. The prevalence of this phenomenon is difficult to determine, since every child displays aggression throughout his life. In boys it occurs earlier and is open in nature. In girls it manifests itself indirectly.

Causes

The causes of aggression are varied - accumulated emotional stress, the inability to express resentment in words, lack of attention from adults, the desire to get someone else's toy, to show strength to peers. Often children harm others or themselves because they feel helpless, sad, resentful, but cannot understand their own condition and do not have the communication skills to resolve the problem. The following groups of causes of aggressiveness are distinguished:

• Family relationships. The formation of aggression is facilitated by demonstrations of cruelty, violence, disrespect, frequent conflicts in the family, and parental indifference. The child copies the behavior of the mother, the father - argues, provokes fights, openly shows anger, disobedience in order to attract attention.
• Personal characteristics. The instability of the emotional state is manifested by anger and irritation. Fear, fatigue, poor health are expressed through aggression, and feelings of guilt and low self-esteem are compensated for.
• Features of the nervous system. Children with an unbalanced weak type of central nervous system are prone to aggression. They tolerate stress less well and are less resistant to the effects of physical and psychological discomfort.
• Socio-biological factors. The severity of aggressiveness is determined by the child’s gender, role expectations, and social status. Boys are often instilled with the idea that a man should be able to fight, to “fight back.”
• Situational factors. Emotional lability in childhood is manifested by outbursts of irritation and anger when accidentally exposed to external unfavorable events. A child can be provoked by a bad school grade, the need to do homework, physical discomfort caused by hunger, or a tiring trip.

Pathogenesis

The physiological basis of children's aggressiveness is an imbalance in the processes of excitation-inhibition of the central nervous system, the functional immaturity of individual brain structures responsible for the control of emotions and behavior. When exposed to a stimulus, excitation predominates, and the process of inhibition “lags.” The psychological basis of children's aggressiveness is a low ability for self-regulation, lack of developed communication skills, dependence on adults, and unstable self-esteem. Children's aggression is a way to relieve stress during emotional, mental stress, and poor health. Purposeful aggressive behavior is focused on getting what you want and protecting your own interests.

Classification

Many classifications of aggressive behavior have been developed. Based on the direction of actions, a distinction is made between heteroaggression – causing harm to others, and auto-aggression – causing harm to oneself. Based on etiology, there are reactive aggression, which occurs as a reaction to external factors, and spontaneous aggression, motivated by internal impulses. The classification according to the form of manifestation is of practical importance:

• Expressive aggression. Demonstration methods – intonation, facial expressions, gestures, postures. Diagnostically difficult option. Aggressive acts are not recognized or denied by the child.
• Verbal aggression. It is realized through words - insults, threats, swearing. The most common option among schoolgirls.
• Physical aggression. Damage is caused using physical force. This form is common among young children and schoolchildren (boys).

Symptoms

Basic manifestations of aggression are observed in infants up to one year old. In children aged 1-3 years, conflicts arise due to the appropriation of toys and other personal belongings. Children bite, push, fight, throw objects, spit, scream. Attempts by parents to suppress the child's reactions with punishments aggravate the situation. In preschoolers, physical expression of aggression is observed less frequently, since speech is actively developing and its communicative function is being mastered.

The need for communication is growing, but productive interaction is hampered by egocentricity, the inability to accept someone else’s point of view, and to objectively assess the interaction situation. Misunderstandings and grievances arise that give rise to verbal aggression - swearing, insults, threats. Younger schoolchildren have a basic level of self-control and are able to suppress aggression as a way of expressing resentment, displeasure, and fear.

At the same time, they actively use it to protect their interests and defend their point of view. Gender characteristics of aggressiveness begin to be determined. The boys act openly, use physical force - they fight, trip them, “snap” them on the forehead. Girls choose indirect and verbal methods - ridicule, giving nicknames, gossip, ignoring, silence. Representatives of both sexes show signs of low self-esteem and depression.

In adolescence, aggression arises as a result of hormonal changes and the accompanying emotional lability and complication of social contacts. There is a need to prove your importance, strength, and relevance. Aggression is either suppressed, replaced by productive activities, or takes extreme forms - boys and girls fight, injure opponents, and attempt suicide.

Complications

Frequent aggressiveness, reinforced by upbringing and a dysfunctional family environment, is fixed in the child’s personality traits. By adolescence, character traits are formed based on anger, bitterness, and resentment. Accentuations and psychopathy develop - personality disorders with a predominance of aggression. The risk of social maladjustment, deviant behavior, and crime increases. With auto-aggression, children harm themselves and attempt suicide.

Diagnostics

Diagnosis of aggressive behavior in children is relevant when the frequency and severity of manifestations are excessive. The decision to see a psychiatrist or psychologist is made by parents independently or after the recommendation of teachers. The basis of the diagnostic process is the clinical conversation. The doctor listens to complaints, finds out the medical history, and additionally studies characteristics from the kindergarten and school. Objective research includes the use of special psychodiagnostic methods:

• Questionnaires, observation. Parents and teachers are asked to answer a number of questions/statements about the characteristics of the child’s behavior. Observation is carried out according to a scheme that includes a number of criteria. The results make it possible to establish the form of aggression, its severity, and causes.
• Personality questionnaires. Used to examine adolescents. They identify the presence of aggressiveness in the general structure of the personality and ways to compensate for it. Common methods are the Leonhard-Smishek questionnaire, the pathocharacterological diagnostic questionnaire (Lichko).
• Drawing tests. The severity of symptoms, causes, and unconscious emotions are determined by the features of the drawings. The tests used are Non-existent animal, Cactus, Human.
• Interpretive tests. They belong to projective methods, they reveal the unconscious, hidden experiences of the child. The examination is carried out using the Rosenzweig Frustration Reactions Test, Hand-test (hand test).

Treatment of aggressive behavior in children

With severe aggression, correction is required using psychotherapy methods. The use of medications is justified when anger, impulsivity, and bitterness are symptoms of a mental disorder (psychopathy, acute psychosis). It is impossible to cure aggressiveness forever; it will arise in a child in certain life situations. The task of psychologists and psychotherapists is to help resolve personal problems, teach adequate ways to express feelings and resolve conflict situations. Common correction methods include:

• . Presented with express methods of safe expression of aggression. The child is encouraged to throw out anger, irritation, anger without harm to others. Games with a ball, bulk materials, water, and “leaves of anger” are used.
• Communication trainings. Group work allows the child to develop effective communication strategies, ways of expressing emotions, defending his position without harming others. Children receive feedback (reactions of participants), analyze successes and mistakes with a psychotherapist.
• Relaxation activities. Aimed at reducing anxiety and emotional tension - factors that increase the risk of outbursts of aggressiveness. Children learn to restore deep breathing, achieve muscle relaxation, and switch attention.

Prognosis and prevention

Aggressive behavior of children is successfully corrected with the joint efforts of parents, teachers, and psychologists. The prognosis is favorable in most cases. To prevent the consolidation of aggression as the preferred method of interaction, it is necessary to adhere to a harmonious parenting style, demonstrate ways to resolve conflicts peacefully, treat the child with respect, and allow expressions of anger in a safe form. Don't focus on minor aggressive behavior. When discussing manifestations of aggressiveness, it is important to talk about actions, but not about personal qualities (“you acted cruelly”, not “you are cruel”).