1. Set limits

YOUR HOUSE IS A MODEL OF THE BIG WORLD into which a child is preparing to enter, a society in miniature. By introducing certain restrictions at home, you accustom your child to the existence of rules, laws and prohibitions. If a child learns to follow and respect the rules from a young age, he will be able to avoid many problems in the future. The rules should be formulated briefly and clearly so that they are easy to understand and remember. The child must know the boundaries that cannot be crossed, and understand that going beyond the limits will lead, as in the real world, to negative consequences. A negative consequence or punishment is any action caused by a child's misbehavior and expresses your negative attitude towards such behavior. This can be ignorance, prohibition, or deprivation of privileges.

However, we should not forget about positive consequences, that is, actions or rewards that encourage the child to behave correctly (for example, praise, a material reward, or time spent with a parent).

By setting clear boundaries, you teach your child to monitor his own behavior.

2. The consequences must be immediate

HUMAN BEHAVIOR IS DIFFICULT TO PREDICT and even more difficult to control, especially when it comes to children. But there are still some techniques that help us cope with this difficult task. In particular, we know that the parent's immediate response is most effective. For example, it is better to immediately praise the child for good behavior. Say: “Well done, you did your homework well” or “I’m proud of you for telling the truth.” This way you encourage your child to continue to behave well. Also, punishment, such as temporary isolation, should, if possible, be applied immediately after the child’s offense. Don't look for excuses to delay punishment. If it's fair, then you're doing everything right.

Immediate punishment or praise is the best way to reward correct behavior and discourage incorrect behavior.

3. Go all the way

WHATEVER METHOD OF EDUCATION YOU CHOOSE, you must go all the way. Whether you praise or punish your child, never go back on your words - do what you promised to do. When a child under 2 years of age misbehaves, you can use the ignoring technique. At the same time, make sure that all sharp and dangerous objects are kept out of the reach of the baby.

Sometimes keeping promises is quite difficult - it is a real test of endurance. One of my patients, the mother of a ten-year-old boy, could not cope with her son’s disobedience. For example, one day he broke a plate of spaghetti against the wall. In response, the mother sent the child to his room and ordered him, after he calmed down, to clean up all the dirt after himself. The boy sat in his room all night.

Mom couldn’t stand it and removed the remaining spaghetti herself. As a result, the boy realized two things: firstly, he can manipulate his mother and, secondly, remain unpunished. Never allow your child to evade responsibility for their actions. In the real world he will not have such an opportunity. Teach your children to respect your words and decisions by always keeping what you promise.

4. Be consistent

CONSISTENCY IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT IN EDUCATION. Children understand what is good and what is bad by the reaction of their parents. When your child behaves correctly, be sure to praise him. Conversely, he should be punished for bad behavior.

The child will continue to test your patience and seek boundaries until you begin to clearly and consistently respond to his behavior. You can control his behavior only if you pay attention to both the good and the bad, reward what is right and punish what is wrong. Both are equally important.

POSITIVE CONSEQUENCES

5. Praise immediately

RECEIVING A REWARD FOR HIS EFFORTS, the child is more willing to behave well next time. And the best reward is the reward that immediately follows a good deed. What could it be? You have a lot of choice.

The most common rewards used are candy or something tasty, verbal praise, hugs and kisses, and even money. We advise you to vary your reward methods. For example, if a parent always limits himself to “edible” rewards, the child may develop a “cult of food”, which over time can lead to serious health problems. You should not abuse material rewards either: the more often you resort to this type of incentive, the less effective and more expensive it becomes.

Your praise- this is the best reward for a child. Verbal praise is so important that you should not forget about it, no matter what method of encouragement you choose. With its help, the child becomes clear what exactly he is rewarded for.

For example, you could say, “I liked the way you folded your books when you came home from school.” Please note that in this way you approve of the child’s behavior. We advise you to avoid phrases like “You are a good boy (girl).” A child is neither bad nor good - only his behavior can be bad or good.

As already mentioned in the introduction, proper education teaches correct behavior and weans away from incorrect behavior. In turn, the child’s correct behavior directly depends on your praise. So praise your child as soon as possible, and very soon you will notice the result.

6. Find time to play with your child

GAME IS THE MOST RIGHT TIME TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO BE GOOD: just you and the child, one on one. Here your possibilities are endless. Playing hide and seek, Easter cakes in the sandbox, dresses for dolls or learning a new song - there are a lot of options for entertaining small children. With older children, you can have a picnic, ride horses, go to a pet store to look at puppies, build a snowman, play a board game (such as Monopoly), do a crossword puzzle, or go shopping together.

Parent-child play is important for many reasons. Firstly, this is an excellent opportunity to give your child the attention he so needs (especially at a young age). Children often behave badly (and then get punished for it) in order to attract attention.

Secondly, games are a good way to maintain health child. For example, if you want your child to spend more time outdoors, play catch with him outside.

And most importantly, games with parents help improve children’s self-esteem, and healthy self-esteem is the key to a child’s future happiness, his success in school and in life.

So, take your time - play regularly with your children and while playing, do not forget the following:

Your joint games should be appropriate for the child’s age and physical abilities.

Choose games that would allow the child to show his capabilities, talents and uniqueness.

Try not to criticize or scold your child during play - this is the time for encouragement and praise.

When playing with your child, you remind him: “I love you.” You mean a lot to me". You help your child achieve harmony with himself, which means becoming a better person.

7. Promise a reward

ANOTHER WAY OF INCENTIVENESS is the promise of a reward (the best method of reinforcement is an immediate reward, but the promise of a reward can also be effective). In this case, the amount of remuneration can be absolutely any. I knew a girl whose parents promised a large sum of money if she would not touch alcohol or drugs until she turned 21. Naturally, many parents cannot afford large monetary rewards, but a small amount of money can be a good incentive. For example, pocket money given once a week is an effective way to get a teenager to do his homework.

The reward does not have to be money; it can be any thing valuable to the child. You can promise to spend the evening together playing your favorite game, or, for example, to go to the park, to the beach, to the cinema. When a child has beloved grandparents, going to visit them can be a reward. A new toy, a book, a delicious dessert, extra time to play or watch TV - there are countless options.

Use all the “positive” ways available to you to shape your child’s correct behavior. Instead of allowing your child to do whatever, whenever, wherever, teach him responsibility and self-control. Let your child learn to earn rewards for good behavior. A worthy reward will become an incentive for worthy behavior.

8. Use a point system

THE POINTS SYSTEM IS A SIMPLE AND FUN WAY to help your child control his behavior. He will probably be interested in the table you draw, and, in addition, he will expect a reward for his good behavior. And you will watch how your offspring's behavior improves day by day. When creating a table, try not to focus on what not to do (for example, it is forbidden hit your brother), focus on what you can and should do (for example, play calmly with your brother). We propose four stages for creating a points system.

Step One: Make a Table assessments behavior.

Select 2-3 manifestations of your child’s bad behavior that cause the most trouble. (You can add as many behaviors as you like to the table, but I suggest limiting it to three so that the number of demands does not become overwhelming for the child.) For example, you want your child to clean his room, not tease his younger sibling, and do his homework during. Draw a table on a large sheet of paper. Write down the selected behavior options in the column on the left and indicate the names of the days of the week in the top line of the table (cm. rice. A).

Point system

Poisoning behavior
Cleans the room
Plays calmly with his brother
Total points (earned in a week) =

Correct Behavior
Cleans the room
Plays calmly with his brother
Completes homework on time*
Total points (earned per week) = 18

* Each cross on this line is worth 2 points.

Step two: select "currency" For "storage" of points.

For these purposes, something small, light and durable will do, such as playing chips, cards or paper money. At the end of each day, you will give your child chips earned by good behavior.

Step three: assign a price to good behavior.

In our example, we agreed that the child would receive a point for cleaning the room and playing calmly with his brother, and homework done on time would earn him 2 points.

Step four: come up with a reward.

Together with your child, decide what worthy reward will await him for his efforts. If you lived in southern California, for 50 points you could promise your child a trip to Disneyland. Other options: something tasty for dinner, new toys, new clothes, or a party with friends.

So now you are ready to start the balloon system. Talk to your child and set a date and time for her activities to begin (say 8 a.m. on Monday). Carefully observe your child’s behavior and give out the points you earned at the end of each day. Don’t forget to record the results in the table: put a cross in the appropriate box (cm. rice. B). Count and indicate the total number of points received.

Such a table will help you track your child’s progress, and when you fill it out completely, draw new. (Warning: Give your child at least a week to get used to the points system; don't expect immediate results.)

As your child's behavior improves, you can replace some items on the list with new ones. If you have other children, include them in the table as well. In the meantime, try to gradually wean your child off rewards, simply assign fewer points or give them out once a week rather than every day. Eventually you will be able to stop "awarding" points entirely.

The main advantage of the points system is its positive approach to parenting. You don't need to scold or punish your child for disobedience - he will just lose a few points. And next time he will try harder.

NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES

9. Learn to use the baby holding technique

“HOLDING” A CHILD involves physically restricting the child’s movement. At This should under no circumstances cause pain to the child. Wrap your arms around the child, not giving him the opportunity to move. Ensures that the child can freelybreathe. You can stand in an embrace with your child or sit him down on a chair and hold him there.

The “holding” technique is usually used in cases where a small child needs to be protected from danger, for example when the child wants to approach a stray dog ​​or is heading towards the road. In such situations, if a verbal warning does not work, the consequences can be dire: the child may be bitten by a dog or hit by a car. The “hold” technique allows you to quickly prevent a dangerous situation.

It is also used in less dramatic, but potentially dangerous situations. Imagine that a small child is running around the house, his mother asks him to stop running, but the child ignores her request. The baby may accidentally fall and hurt himself or get injured. If the mother is unable to get him to stop with words, she can use the “holding” technique and hold the child until he agrees to behave well. When his mother lets him go, he can start running again. (This is quite natural for a baby to test your strength, so be prepared to hold him again.)

And most importantly, you must control yourself at all times and remain calm. This will help the child calm down as well. And, naturally, your self-control is necessary so that “holding” for the purpose of protection does not develop into physical punishment.

10. Use temporary isolation

TEMPORARY ISOLATION IS A PRETTY EFFECTIVE FORM OF PUNISHMENT if used correctly. For us adults, self-control is something that goes without saying, but for a child it is an important and difficult goal to achieve. Using the technique of temporary isolation, you remove the child from the “crime scene” and send him to some isolated corner.

An ideal place for temporary isolation may be a corner or a small room where there is no TV, toys or other children, that is, a place where the child cannot entertain himself with anything. (During the period of temporary isolation, you can sit the child on a chair.) Some parents send the child to his room for disobedience. We do not recommend doing this for two reasons. Firstly, a child's room usually has a lot of opportunities for entertainment, so it will be difficult for the child to calm down and think about his bad behavior. Secondly, the children's room (ideally) should be the child's inviolable refuge, a place where he can relax and have fun. And he should not associate this place with punishment.

Besides, never Do not use a closet or other dark place that causes fear in the child for temporary isolation. In such a place, he will focus on his worries instead of thinking about his bad behavior. Such punishment is too cruel and can cause psychological trauma in the child.

It is also important to think about how long to isolate the fidget. You can use the following rule: the isolation time in minutes is equal to the child’s age. That is:

Five years= five minutes

Six years= six minutes

Ten years= ten minutes

Please note: the temporary isolation technique should not be used with children under 2 years of age.

Temporary isolation is especially useful in cases where a child’s behavior can harm something or someone. Let's illustrate this with an example. Imagine a six-year-old boy teasing another child, say his younger brother.

Mom asks the boy to leave his brother alone, but he does not pay attention to her. Then the mother calmly tells the boy that he will be punished and takes him to a corner or another room. The child may resist, so the parent should be prepared, if necessary, to forcefully (but without causing harm) to remove him, despite screams and attempts to escape. The mother should explain to her son that he will not be standing in the corner for long, and during this time he should calm down and think about his behavior. (You can even set an alarm so the child can keep track of the time.) After the temporary isolation is over, the child returns to his place, but the mother needs to be prepared to send her son to the corner again (and maybe more than once) if he behaves badly again.

Temporary isolation can also be used outside the home. If a child behaves badly in a store or restaurant, calmly tell him that he will be punished and take him to the car (a child under 5 years old can be carried in your arms).

Stay in the car with your child. Sit quietly in the car for the time necessary for isolation, while the child can read, play quietly, or just relax.

Advice: If your child is particularly resistant to being put in a corner, use the ignoring technique and send your child to bed half an hour earlier. Before bed, explain to him that because he refused to stand in the corner during the day, he will have to go to bed earlier.

The purpose of this technique is to teach the child to control himself. And don’t forget to show him a good example in this. When performing the temporary isolation technique, keep yourself in control.

11. Take away from the child what he cannot use correctly

TEACHERS AT SCHOOL ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR HABIT OF REMOVING things from children for bad behavior in class. They take away chewing gum and candy, notebooks and notes, comics and magazines from schoolchildren, since these items distract children and interfere with their work. When your child plays with an item, try to pick it up. You can take away an item from a child under 2 years old because he does not yet know how to use it correctly. (In this case, this is not a punishment, but simply a way to avoid damage to the item and harm to the child.) Take the item from a child aged 2 to 5 years for one day, from 6 to 12 years old - for 2 days, from a teenager - for a week . Clearly explain to your child why and for how long you are taking this item away.

Never deprive a child of basic necessities as punishment.(That is, food, clothing and a roof over your head.) You can take away certain items from children in various situations. Here are some examples:

Take away a toy from a child if he hits other children with it.

Take away your child's video game if he plays all night.

Take the animal away from your child (and place it in the care of an adult for the time being) if the child is not caring for it properly.

Take away your child's skateboard, bicycle, rollerblades, etc. if he is skating in prohibited areas.

You, like the teacher at school, will, of course, return all this, on the condition that the bad behavior will not be repeated. And if it happens again, be prepared to deprive your child of his favorite thing again and do this as many times as necessary for your offspring to stop behaving incorrectly.

12. Let your child make amends.

COMPENSATION FOR DAMAGES IN THIS CASE; IMPLIES THE REPLACEMENT OR REPAIR of something that has been broken or lost. So, when the boy hit the window with the ball, his father told him: “You, young man, will have to pay for the broken window from your pocket money.”

A child can compensate for the damage and make amends in various ways: with money (as in the example with the ball), replacing a lost item, deeds (carrying out additional chores around the house), and words (by apologizing).

The parent can ask the child to apologize to those he has offended. A friend of mine gave me a wonderful example of her mother using this technique in practice. When the mother heard that her daughter was calling her brother names, she would force her to say five good things to him as punishment. (The rule applied to her brother too.) For example, she could say “You have beautiful hair,” “You dance well,” or “You are very smart.”

Receiving compensation teaches children the ability to take responsibility for their behavior. They learn to correct their mistakes and atone for their guilt.

13. Deprive a child of a privilege

“SUSPENSION” is a favorite type of punishment for children in our time. By removing a child from an activity, we are depriving him of a privilege - the ability to take part in a picnic or play video games, talk on the phone or watch TV, rollerblade or skateboard, bike or the family car (if the child already has a license). This opportunity should be denied reasonable period of time. I recommend limiting it to one day with children 2 to 5 years old, two days for children 6 to 12 years old, and a week for teenagers. Take the trouble to explain to your child why and for how long he will be deprived of this or that opportunity. Explain why his behavior was wrong. Don't generalize - give a specific reason.

Never deprive your child of food as a punishment.(Every child has the right to food.) You should be careful about depriving children of pocket money, because children most often work off this money (by performing household chores). Pocket money serves as a kind of reward for efforts, and if the child tries, he should receive his pocket money - this is the agreement between parents and child. There is no point in mixing punishments for other offenses here.

As for the opportunities mentioned above, there is no agreement here; the child receives them without much effort. So you can deprive him of these opportunities at any time. Experiment and try to understand what works best for your child.

Advice: If your child continues to misbehave, try to deprive him of some other opportunity. Again, it's important to go all the way, so be prepared to remove the TV from the room or hide your skateboard or video console for a while if necessary.

14. Use Natural Consequences

A NATURAL CONSEQUENCE is what will naturally follow a child's misbehavior. For example, a child who refuses to eat dinner will go hungry, or a child who eats too much candy will get a stomach ache. Watching horror movies on TV in the evening can cause nightmares, and refusing to wear a warm sweater can lead to a cold. If you leave a bicycle on the street all night, it will either rust or be stolen.

What is the natural consequence of a broken toy? The child will no longer be able to play with her. In this case, you can say: “Ah, what a pity that you broke the toy.” You really liked playing with her. I'm sure you'll be more careful next time."

The power of natural consequences is usually so great that parents do not need to scold or punish the child further. All you need to do is find such a natural consequence and use it. This is a very simple way to teach your child to be responsible and think before doing something.

15. Use the technique of fair punishment

IF YOU WANT TO PUNISH A CHILD FAIRLY, GIVE HIM the opportunity to choose his own punishment. Children like this approach, and parents can be sure that the child is ready to consciously bear responsibility for his or her misconduct. You are simply giving him time to think about his actions and assign himself a punishment. Naturally, you should not allow the punishment to be excessive (young children are prone to being too strict with themselves).

Unfair punishment is considered to be inappropriate for the age and level of development of the child. Punishment should not be too harsh or cause great emotional and/or physical suffering to the child: temporary isolation for several hours, breaking a favorite toy, or any form of corporal punishment are all unacceptable.

And on the contrary, fair punishment is a punishment commensurate with the crime committed. It was chosen taking into account the age and level of development of the person being punished. Examples of such punishment: a period of temporary isolation is assigned correctly, the thing with which the child indulges is taken away from him for a while, the child is allowed to make amends, and for bad behavior he is deprived of any privilege. Here are some more specific examples:

Preschool age:

Behavior: A child hit another child.

Fair punishment: The child must apologize.

Behavior: Sitting at the table, the child throws food.

Fair punishment: Temporary isolation.

School age:

Behavior: The child didn't do his homework.

Fair punishment: The child is deprived of the opportunity to watch TV for two days.

Behavior: The child left the roller skates outside all night.

Fair punishment: The child is deprived of the opportunity to roller skate for two days.

Adolescence:

Behavior: The child refuses to come home for dinner.

Fair punishment: The child must prepare his own dinner.

Behavior: The child comes home later than the permitted time.

Fair punishment: The child is deprived of the ability to talk on the phone for a week.

The last technique can be very effective for a teenager; such punishment can be useful, and it also contributes to the development of his sense of responsibility and justice. However, it is not recommended to use it too often.

16. Use logical punishment

TO TAKE THIS APPROACH, parents must come up with logical, rational punishments for misbehavior. Taking logical punishment is the highest form of education; it teaches the child responsibility and control over his actions. The parent presents the child with a choice: behave well or suffer the consequences of his disobedience. For example:

If a child refuses to eat dinner... he will not get sweets.

If the child screams loudly or fights... he will have to go to another room.

If a child does not fulfill his household duties...

he will not receive pocket money.

Ideally, the parent should warn the child about certain consequences of his actions so that the child can consciously decide how to behave. Here is an example of using logical punishment with an older child:

The teenager left his dirty clothes scattered in the room. His mother warns him: “I don’t have time to collect your dirty clothes every day. If you don’t take it to the bathroom, it will remain unwashed.”

Under no circumstances should you yell at the child or nag him - such a consequence alone is enough to stimulate his correct behavior. When using this technique, your tone should remain extremely calm. And remember:

You need to make it clear to your child what you want from him.

Let the child choose how to behave.

Always go to the end - fulfill your promise.

Unlike natural consequences, logical consequences are created by you: you are responsible for justice punishment and his correspondence the age of the child. Parenting experts praise this technique for its safety and effectiveness (when used correctly). This is also an excellent opportunity not only to wean your child from bad behavior, but also to teach him good behavior.

Advice: If your chosen punishment doesn't work, try another type of logical punishment, such as temporary isolation, restitution, or loss of privilege.

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Every parent wants their child to grow up to be a happy and successful person. I'm not an exception. My son Fedor is 5 years old.

The issue of education is extremely important, since according to well-known wisdom " sow an action - you reap a habit; sow a habit - you reap a character; sow a character - you reap a destiny".

The actions of our children create their future and it is extremely important that these actions are their own experience and their choice, and not the coercion of their parents. Only then is the experience acquired correctly and the child’s personality develops harmoniously.

A common technique for many parents is the carrot and stick method. The child does what his parents tell him and gets the “carrot”; if he doesn’t do it, the “stick” is used. But what does this teach children? Do what you're told and everything will be fine! Agree, this is not the best paradigm.

When Fedya was still 2.5 years old, I thought that I would like to find some kind of holistic motivation system for the child. One that would easily and without coercion push him daily to develop, learn new skills and take positive actions that are the result of his own choice. After spending many hours on the Internet, I, unfortunately, did not find anything like this. Then I did the following simple thing. I drew a sign. By the way, this is what she looked like))

To my surprise, Fedor started this game very quickly. For every completed deed from the list I proposed, he received a “smiley” in the table. And having collected a certain number of such emoticons, he received a bonus. As a rule, it was a material gift.

This system is quite simple and is used by many parents in one form or another. And all thanks the following advantages:

1. Game manner. The child perceives this as an exciting game and, with pleasure and of his own free will, does things (puts away toys, brushes his teeth, etc.) that in a normal situation he would have to be forced to do.
2. Regularity of repetitions within a single system. Since this whole game has a regular basis, the child gets used to its rules and then begins to do many things, as they say, “automatically.” What exactly is an end in itself. Moreover, within the framework of this approach, you can instill in your child any useful skills.
3. Ability to achieve goals. The child understands that in order to achieve the desired result, a number of conditions must be met. Just like in adult life: to achieve a big goal, you need to achieve several subgoals. This is a very important skill!
4. Positive motivation (deprivation of privileges). We give a bonus for achieving a goal, but not for failure to achieve it. It's simple. And no whip! We create a privilege and simply deprive it if something happens. It is important that the child also learns a very valuable life lesson - goals cannot always be achieved the first time. But you don’t need to get upset, just start again and everything will work out.
5. And one more positive point: the child is in an unobtrusive form learns the days of the week and generally learns to perceive time.

However, my own experience has shown that this method has a number of features:

1. Material motivation is wrong. If a child is motivated financially, he will begin to perceive the achievement of material wealth as an end in itself, which can be dangerous. It is much better to give the child emotions as a motive - a trip with parents to the circus or the zoo, lunch in a cafe with animators, horse riding, etc.
2. Pictures are better than captions. Young children cannot read, which means they do not perceive texts written by their parents. It is better to visualize what you expect from your child. The child himself will come to you after completing the task and report on his successes. You just need to praise him to inspire him to new victories.
3. Self-control is better than parental control. When the child has completed this or that condition/task, which he informed you about. You can give him a sticker (smiley, flower, star, etc.) so that he can paste it into the table himself, thereby receiving an additional charge of positive emotions.
4. No more than 5 skills at a time. I initially had a fairly large list of requirements for the child (the number of lines in the table). It was difficult for my son to perceive them. Later I found a recommendation from child psychologists that it is better to instill no more than 5 skills at a time. Although I admit that for older children their number may increase.
5. The horizon for achieving the goal is a week. Initially, my motivation table was designed for a calendar month. But for a child this is a very long time. Therefore, it is better to limit yourself to weekly cycles, at the end of which, on the weekend, the child can receive non-material rewards for his successes.

I shared my idea with friends and colleagues who have children. And I realized that I’m not the only one concerned about this issue. There was a desire to make a project. Make sure that all the disadvantages are taken into account and all the advantages are realized. I hope that with your help the project will come to life!

What is the goal of the project?

• Help parents raise happy and successful children.
• Make the process of learning and motivating children less stressful and more fun.

The makivideo.com service, for a nominal sum, helped make a presentation video that briefly described the essence of the project.

How does the Children's Week benefit work?

1. Post a calendar on the wall in the children's room or in another place accessible to the child. It is important that it is in front of the baby’s eyes, and he can easily reach it.

2. Paste any 5 stickers of tasks (skills) for consolidation in the first week. Select the most relevant tasks for your child from the proposed list:

• Make the bed
• Brush your teeth
• Dress yourself
• Put toys away
• Go to bed on time
• Watch cartoons for no more than 30 minutes
• Learn a poem
• Feed the pet
• Help mom wash the dishes
• Saying "thank you" and "please"
• Don't interfere with parents talking on the phone

By the way, It is planned to add other stickers with tasks for children of different ages. Please indicate in the comments to the project what skills you would like to add?

It is important that the skills are extremely specific and do not interfere with the development of the child’s emotional sphere. For example, you should not use a sticker such as “don’t cry” or “don’t swear on the playground,” since pushing the child’s feelings inside is fraught. You need to understand the source of the problem, and that’s something else. Our manual is focused primarily on instilling specific everyday skills and developing a healthy child’s attitude towards discipline.

3. Explain to your child the rules of the game. Tell us in detail what you will be issuing stickers for. What gift will the child receive at the end of the week if he collects the required number (for example, at least 20).

4. Stock up on stickers for the first week. Put the rest out of reach of the child. It is important that the completed task sticker is always at hand when your child asks you for it.

5. Start issuing stickers for completed actions from the list. At first, it may be necessary to remind you about things to do. In the future, the child himself will know his responsibilities without reminders. And come to you when they have completed the job successfully. Don’t forget to thank your child and encourage him, give him a sticker. Let the child glue it into the desired square himself.

If a child asks you for help in completing some task, be sure to help him. What he does with you now, he can do on his own tomorrow!

6. Summarize the week. This can be done on Saturday. Count the number of stickers your child has put on. Mark those tasks and skills that the child did best (praise), and also mark those that need to be improved. And tell him that he can do this next week. If the required number of stickers have been pasted, then it’s time to give out the declared intangible gift.

If the goal is not achieved, you need to say that there will be no gift this week. However, there is every chance of getting it next time.

Be consistent and fair; under no circumstances give your child a bonus just like that. The child needs this experience. And next week he will try better, knowing that he may again be left without the privilege. Moreover, deprivation of privileges is not a punishment in the traditional sense, but a good motivator for future success!

7. Add new skills. After 2-3 weeks, when the baby performs his duties without reminders, as they say, “automatically,” you can update the task stickers. Don't forget to tell your child about this so that he understands that there have been changes in the game.

On weekends, you can not use the calendar so that your child has the opportunity to take a break from his responsibilities.

What do child psychologists say?

Chernobrovkina Svetlana Vladimirovna

Candidate of Psychological Sciences.
Associate Professor of the Department of Social Psychology, Faculty of Psychology, Omsk State University

<<По поводу проекта "Детская неделя" могу сказать следующее. В психологии это называется "метод жетонов". Разработка метода осуществляется в рамках научно-практического психологического направления - бихевиоральной психологии и психотерапии.

The essence of the method is the accumulation of conditional incentives (in the case of a calendar, these are stickers for the child’s effective behavior) and exchanging them for real incentives (events, objects, etc.).

Psychologists recommend using this method when developing norms and habits of adaptive behavior in young children, as well as when it is necessary to correct the behavior of older children and even adults (for them, of course, the requirements and forms of recording behavioral changes are different).

Within the framework of this project, the principles on which the token method is built are quite accurately reflected (regularity of evaluation, repeatability, game nature, control of a limited number of skills, etc.).

The project is really worthwhile.>>

What is included in the set of motivational benefits "Children's Week" for 970 rubles?

1. Wall calendar board for a period of 16 weeks (4 months).
2. A set of 72 standard task stickers.
3. A set of 36 universal stickers with the ability to include skills that parents consider necessary for the development of their children.
4. A set of 400 stickers indicating completed tasks.
5. Instructions for using motivational benefits and recommendations for use.

What will the money be used for?

1. Finalization of the design layout RUB 18,000.
2. Printing of circulation 125,700 rub.
3. Printing skill stickers and mark stickers RUB 11,800.
4. Commission of payment systems and website 18,167 rubles.
5. Payment for delivery of gifts to sponsors 9000 rubles.

P.S.

I would be grateful for any support for the project, both in word and deed. If the project seemed interesting to you, Please post a link about it on your page on the social network.

Simple black and white calendar for 2015. The calendar is made monthly, with large cells for entries. You can download the 2015 calendar for free in A4 format

Calendar for 2015 monthly

Pros of a monthly calendar for 2015

A large cell is allocated for each day. The date is written in the corner and does not interfere with filling out the cell

Black and white design. The calendar can be printed on a regular printer and decorated as you wish. Or you can leave the calendar in a minimalist style.

I made a calendar to write down important things, like remembering a doctor's appointment or going to the movies. I printed out the calendar on colored paper and hung it above the table. Now I always have plans for this month before my eyes.

But the 2015 calendar can be used for other purposes.

Ideas for using the 2015 calendar

1. Child behavior calendar

Celebrate your child's successes every day. On days with good behavior, we draw a star or stick a bright sticker. At the end of the month, count and reward the child for good behavior.

For example, for every 5 stars you get a ride on one attraction.

This will give the baby a clear incentive to behave well.

You can come up with creative ways to achieve desired behavior through rewards. Incentives help family life run more smoothly: “First you go to bed, and then it’s a story.”

A word of warning. Prizes or incentives are a way to entice a child to achieve a goal. The ultimate goal is self-discipline, the child behaves this way because he knows that you expect good behavior from him. He does not expect rewards whenever he exhibits good behavior. A friend of ours who taught her child at home until he was eight years old found that when he went to school he read well, attributing his skills to the pleasure he found in reading. The reward system used by the teacher was not needed by him.
Some children need encouragement to read, but this carries the risk that the child will never read for pleasure.
Reward should be something that your child loves and definitely wants. Ask leading questions to determine your child's wishes.

• “If you could do something with your mom or dad, what would it be?”
• “If you could go somewhere with a friend, where would you go?”
• “If you had a dollar, what would you buy?”

Providing privileges and rewards is a parenting tool: “If you do a good job, you can play in the yard before lunch.” The best rewards are those that children earn for good behavior.

Reward card

The card is a useful tool for motivating a young child. They see their progress and improve in their daily steps towards promotion. The card is displayed as an indicator of good behavior for everyone to see. Flashcards work because they are interactive and enjoyable. Many children will be surrounded by various cards throughout their lives, so they will be able to make good use of them the first time they see them in their home. Of course, there are families who feel uncomfortable using cards. Cards worked well in our family at a certain stage. When no remedy worked, behavior cards provided arguments for changing behavior. If you eliminate unwanted behaviors one by one, your child will gradually feel that he is gaining good behavior, and this feeling will become his self-control. The need for cards will disappear as the child gets older. When using reward cards, follow these guidelines:

• Follow the basic rule - keep them open, make them funny.
• Work with children. Let your child help you create the map and write daily notes on it.
• Create a card so that the child has a visual image of the reward contained in it. We got good results with cards that involved connecting the dots. The child draws the picture he wants. Then dots are placed along the outline of the picture at a distance of 2.54 mm or so.
  Every day with good behavior (for example, if the child remembers that he must take out the trash), the child moves the line to the next point. When all the dots are connected, the child will receive a reward.
• Hang the map where it can be easily seen. (We placed our cards along the aisle between the kitchen table and the refrigerator.) Make the card attractive and make it easy for your child to access. She will often remind you of the need for good behavior and will allow the child to be proud of his achievements.
• Make the map interactive: connecting dots, sticking labels, or colorful stars. The map should be more interesting than just a control map.
• The card may contain positive and negative marks as a reminder of the two types of behavior. I have posted cards in my office to help correct bedwetting in children over five years of age. The child stuck a label with a picture of a happy face if he woke up dry, and with a picture of a sad face if he woke up wet. If the number of happy faces outnumbered the number of sad ones during the week, the child could choose where he wanted to go for lunch on Sunday.
• The period of time for which the child is rewarded should be short enough. Frequent simple rewards are better remembered by the child. For a baby starting to walk, this period is one hour; for a preschooler - one day; for a schoolchild - one week. A month is an unattainable period for any child. A preschool child forms his calendar, tying it to certain events, for example, “after Sunday school.” What's new quickly becomes old for kids. Change cards often.

Creative incentives. In addition to cards, create your own, understandable incentives - motivators. The six-year-old's favorite toy was a toy horse, so the mother chose a piece of horse harness as a reward for cleaning her room every week. She tied rewards to the child's behavior: “When you show me that you can keep your room clean, we will tack your horse.” She periodically reminded: “Keep your room clean, like you keep a horse.”

To maintain order among the group of seven to nine year old boys who meet twice a month at the Cub Scout Jamboree, we use a "good behavior candle." The goal is for the candle to burn completely while the entire group is working. At the beginning of the rally, we light a candle and it burns until a violation occurs.
The culprit of the violation extinguished the candle, and it was not lit until the next meeting. Let us consider what was happening in their impressionable minds. Every time so-and-so extinguished the candle, they stopped their progress towards the promotion. Children did not want delayed rewards, so they had a motive not to violate discipline so that the candle would not go out.

Ticket system. Tina and her four-year-old daughter, Haley, had a close relationship. Hayley was a very developed child with high expectations. Tina corrected Hayley's stubborn behavior in the right direction and enjoyed it.
Hayley and I couldn't get along. Our day seemed to become more and more filled with negativity. All the methods I tried didn't work. So I decided to try what we affectionately call the “ticket system.” It took the stress off me. I was no longer a scary scarecrow for my daughter.
I give her three “free” tickets to start the day. She earns tickets for helping without asking, for completing assigned chores, and for having a good attitude. She loses tickets for whining, complaining, and refusing to listen (which continues after I count to three, a principle I always use). The tickets became like gold, and after a while she began to behave more and more correctly. At the end of the day or week, Haley received a special treat that was planned in advance and corresponded to the number of coupons she collected (frozen yogurt, movie, hamburger, etc.).
The ticket system helped to encourage good traits in her. I began to say more and more often the phrases: “I love the way you smiled when you woke up this morning” or “Thank you for waiting in line for the swing without screaming or crying.” The expected encouragement was much needed for Haley.

Sometimes humor is the best way to educate
When raising a child, parents wear different clothes: you “put on” a policeman’s cap in dangerous situations. This is serious and uncompromising. You “put on” a preacher’s collar for moral lessons, a diplomat’s tie and tailcoat for power struggles, and a doctor’s coat for healing minor injuries. But the “costume” that will help you best during the difficult moments of parenting is the jester’s hat.
The humor is surprising. Frivolity deprives the child of protection and instantly absorbs attention, not allowing him to orient himself in the environment. Humor opens children's closed ears and minds. Thus, one mother turned into a comedian and used humor to get help from her children. Six-year-old Laura and three-year-old Nicholas were in the midst of a quarrel over a toy. This happened at the end of the day, when the mother was already very tired. She had neither the strength nor the time to recover and delve into the feelings of the children. Instead, she took a large toy block and placed it on her head, and the show began: “I'm going crazy. I can’t bear to hear you bicker anymore”: She actually started acting very funny. The children stopped quarreling and began to laugh as their mother's antics dispelled their quarrel. Then the mother sat down next to the children and said, “This is a difficult time of day. Mom is tired. I have to cook dinner. Are you tired; you are hungry: please help me prepare dinner.”
Humor gets the job done. Seven-year-old Aaron's room was a mess. Instead of saying, “Go and make your bed,” his mother humorously spoke to the bed: “I walked with your bed this morning,” she said. The bed cried: “Cover me. I'm cold". Even for adults, humor can be a way to get a person to work. I vividly remember a sign in the surgical changing room at our local hospital: “Your mother doesn’t live here.”
Humor protects. Three-year-old Alan had a habit of running away from his parents, especially in parking lots. The father decided to portray a blind man. As soon as they left the store, the father covered his eyes with his hand, gave the child the car keys and said, “Please hold my hand and walk me to the car.” Of course he saw everything.
Humor is disarming. Children may look at you and know that you are going to answer them “No.” They are already ready to resist. You can break through their resistance by wearing your best comedian mask. Humor helps bring a child out of regressive behavior.
Here's how one mother solved the problem (case study). Four-year-old Monica insisted on wearing lace because her newborn brother had lace. Her mother agreed with Monica's whim, attaching a small piece of lace to her clothes. How they both tried to make the lace appropriate. Monica realized how stupid her whim was.
We use humor quite often to give a child a second chance to obey. Our kids love recorded videos, so we create our own theater show called Rewind. “Matthew, please help me clear the table.” “But dad,” Matthew objects. I immediately say, “Rewind!” I step back a little and start again, this time making the sign to Matthew, giving the call command again. This approach usually results in both laughter and obedience.
Use humor carefully. There are times when the child’s behavior does not cause any laughter. Children are very sensitive to ridicule and sometimes perceive humor as offensive, even if you are just trying to bring some levity to a tense situation. Sometimes you have to be serious and sometimes you can be funny. Both should be in the arsenal of educational tools of every family. Much of the educational arsenal will be fun for children, and it will allow you to have an admiring audience.

Reminders

"I forgot". "I didn't know I had to do this." Just like adults, children often forget and need reminders to keep their behavior within established norms.
Reminders are cues that jog a child's memory. These may be subtle cues in the form of a look that tells a mischievous child, “You know better,” or a short verbal command that triggers the child’s memory, “Ah! Where is this record?” Some situations require a major reminder and should send a message loud and clear in the child's memory: “Remember what we said about crossing the street! A car can run you over! Look both ways!”
Reminders help your child behave in accordance with your requirements. You give instructions, and the child fills in the gaps. You have a lot of housework to do, and you frown disapprovingly. The child receives your message and does his homework without a word.
Written reminders work better for children who don't like to feel in control. You avoid verbal combat. The memo is a reminder for the child to comply with your request on time to avoid verbal instructions. Erin recently read a notice on the door: “Please remove the plates from your room before they become moldy.” Frequent reminders are necessary to promote correct behavior.

Book: Your child from birth to 10 years