Let's go on a visit: what to take with us from food, what to take to the table, boyfriend and girlfriend, what to buy for the child? Guest etiquette rules for adults and children. Politeness for every day What products to buy when visiting

You need to visit in the right way. This will determine whether you will be invited again or avoided in every possible way. The article will give advice on what to take, how to behave, and how to refuse culturally.

Going on a visit is an event, although rare today, but very responsible. Your subsequent visits to this house depend on how you behave when visiting and whether you follow the rules of good manners.

The same applies to the hosts - guests will happily come again if you welcome them warmly. To prepare for this event properly, it is important to know some simple rules and adhere to etiquette.

What to buy when you go on a visit?

It is indecent to go on a visit empty-handed. But not every gift will come in handy.

If you are not very close to those you are visiting, do not visit with the following gifts:

Very expensive things. An expensive gift obliges the owners and implies a return gift.
Cosmetics or hygiene products. Such things are chosen individually and may simply not be suitable
Dishes, decorative elements. Many people don’t like random things in their home and carefully think through the interior

What then should you take as a gift? Perfect for:

If there is a child in the house, be sure to buy sweets, fruits or a toy
It is advisable to give flowers to the hostess of the house. It doesn't have to be a luxurious bouquet, a modest bouquet will suffice
You can also take a cake, tea, a bottle of alcoholic drink, something you made yourself

What to cook when visiting?

In Europe, it is considered the norm for guests to bring their own food. In our country, this rarely happens. Usually the hosts treat the guests. Guests may bring their own food in some cases:

If you have known each other for a long time and agree on dishes in advance
If this is a large close-knit company and, again, by agreement
If you are asked to take something with you

If you have not been asked to prepare food, do not do so on your own initiative. In the end, this may offend the hostess.

But if you decide to take food, remember that your dish should not overshadow the treats of the hostess of the house. Therefore, think in advance what to cook when visiting. Food should be uncomplicated, as the rules of good manners say. For example:

Salad
Sliced foods (cheese, sausage, ham)
Appetizers on skewers
Cake, pastries

Going to visit with children: what can a child visit and what can’t?

You can come to a house where there are children with your children without the consent of the owners. If you are going to a place where there are no children, then agree on this point. If the child is quite an adult, explain to him the rules of behavior in someone else’s house:

You cannot take any things without permission
Jumping on beds, sofas, armchairs is taboo
It is also not allowed to be in rooms where there is no one

If the child is just a toddler, the parents' task is to monitor him. It’s unlikely that anyone will like broken figurines, overturned flower pots, a scared cat under the sofa and other “cute” pranks of the little ones.

A child should not run around in a T-shirt tucked into tights. You're dressing up. The child should be dressed comfortably, but at the same time smartly.

I’m going to visit: what should I buy my child?

As mentioned above, visiting a child without a gift is indecent. A gift for a child depends on his age:

A rattle is suitable for the baby
Older children can buy fruits, sweets, toys

Important: It is better to agree in advance whether the child can have sweets. Many children are allergic to chocolate and citrus fruits. Also choose a toy according to the child's age, otherwise he will not like it.

Let's go visit: rules of etiquette

When visiting, follow the rules of etiquette:

If you come to visit and see your friends there, do not rush to smile at them and exchange greetings. First of all, greet the hosts.
Don't rush to meet strangers in the house, let the owners introduce you.
Don't walk around the house uninvited. If the owners decide to give a tour of the house, compliment their taste.
Don't come visit with your friends unless they're invited.
Do not take things without asking and do not twirl figurines, souvenirs, or other little things in your hands, do not open cabinet doors.
Please sit at the table only by invitation.
If you are left alone in a room, wait for the owners while standing.
Compliment the hostess's cooking skills.
Even if you don't want to eat, out of decency you should eat at least a little. Your refusal may offend the hostess.
Don't stay too long if you see that the owners are tired. You can stay as a guest until a maximum of 23.00. Exceptions are weddings and New Years.
Don't stand at the threshold saying goodbye for a long time. They thanked us, got dressed, said goodbye, and left.
Be sure to let them know that you successfully got home and thank them again for the invitation.
Cultural guests make a counter-invitation. If it is not possible to invite you to your home, then they invite you to a cafe or cinema.

What to take to your boyfriend's house?

If a guy invites you over, ask whether he will be home alone or with his parents. In the second case, take care of a gift for parents
It could be sweets, flowers for mom, a cake. If you are alone, prepare something with your own hands, this way you will show your best side
You can buy some minor but useful gift for your boyfriend. What exactly it will be depends on the guy’s interests. He might like a world map or a new computer mouse.

I'm going to visit a girl: what to give?

As for men, they should also think in advance about a present for relatives and their chosen one. Be sure to present your mother and girlfriend with a bouquet each. In addition, you can take cake, sweets, delicious tea in beautiful packaging.

Guys, remember, not all girls love soft toys. Keep this in mind when you visit.

Should you always take flowers when visiting?

Flowers may not be purchased in certain cases:

You are going to a man
The hostess doesn't like flowers
You go to your close friends to sit in a cozy family atmosphere
You came unexpectedly or did not make an appointment in advance

In the event that you are going to an official event (wedding, birthday, christening), you need to buy flowers.

Sister goes to visit brother: what to take with her?

If relatives go to visit each other, it is easier to decide on gifts and refreshments. It is important whether the brother is married and has children. Provide nice gifts for family members.

You can buy clothes, toys, and sweets for children. For my husband's wife - cake, tea and coffee, her favorite flowers. You can cook your brother’s favorite dish, buy a treat for tea.

I don’t want to go visit: what can I say?

There is nothing worse than promising to come and not showing up.

If you cannot come, please let us know in advance, preferably not on the day of your visit, but several days in advance. If there is a good reason, tell the truth. Eg:

Urgent matter (explain which one)
Illness of you or your loved ones
Urgent work matters

Never say:

That you have changed your mind and are going to visit others
What do you host?
That you don't have money for the visit

If there is no specific reason for not wanting to visit, you still need to refuse in a cultural manner. For example:

Call it a headache
Say that there is a breakdown at home and plumbers, electricians or other services should come
Say you're out of town if you travel frequently. But in this case you shouldn't get caught

Be sure to express your regret and apologize.

You can tell your close friends the truth. For example: “I don’t want to spoil everyone’s mood and holiday, since I’m going through hard times.” Friends will definitely understand and support you.

Toast to the assembled guests

Toasts are usually made at the table. You can say it in your own words, in prose or poetry. Options to note:

“I want to say a toast to the guests,
For family and friends.
You allow in your honor
It's a fun toast to read to you.
To wish you good health -
This is the first. Second -
Wish you fulfillment
All your hopes and accomplishments!”

“I propose to drink to the guests who bring so much joy and fun to our home! It’s scary to even imagine how uninteresting and boring our life would be without guests. How pleasant are the worries and troubles, the noise and fun during those festive moments when we are expecting guests! Today I raise my glass to our pleasant and welcome meetings, to dear guests visiting us with joy, to Happiness and Joy never leaving our home. To welcome and long-awaited guests!”

“With all my heart I want to thank the guests gathered at this festive table. Thank you for sharing this celebration with us, for your generous gifts and kind words. Be happy, dear guests!”

Receive guests warmly and cordially, visit with a good mood and nice surprises. Then your life will become brighter and more interesting, and there will be people in it who can share your joys and sorrows.

Video: rules of etiquette at a party

When visiting someone else's home - relatives, friends, distant relatives, colleagues, or just renting an apartment - it is important to know and follow some rules, even if you pay for room and board. It depends on this whether you will become a welcome guest, or whether you will no longer be allowed on the threshold. Let our advice help make your stay in someone else’s home enjoyable for both you and the owners.

1. Notify in advance about the exact date of arrival

2. Be specific with both your arrival and departure dates.

Don’t tell the owners that you’ll live for a couple of weeks, and then we’ll see.

3. Don’t show up earlier than the agreed time

The receiving party may not be ready yet, and you will cause considerable inconvenience. If you suddenly have a couple of free days a little earlier than your planned vacation, do not rush to buy tickets right away - first call back those you are going to. If their agreement to accept you sounds uncertain, then it is better to say that the original agreement remains in force, and you will find other things to do. Here the situation also depends on who you are going to: if these are parents, then they are unlikely to object, but if this is a colleague, then it is better to postpone the visit.

4. Avoid being several hours, much less days, late.

This can greatly disrupt the plans of the owners. Besides, they may be worried about you. They could change their work schedule to meet you. Being late without warning will bring tension to the relationship. If you are already late, then call and indicate the reason. People will understand you if you give a reasonable and reasoned explanation.

5. Don’t abuse your visit time

The hosts who invited you may not be on vacation at this time, and, accordingly, need rest. By kindly inviting you into their home, they have already caused themselves some inconvenience, so try not to increase it. Understand that their hospitality requires both moral and material costs (energy and time for excursions, explanations, costs for additional food, utilities).

6. Bring a souvenir or gift as a thank you.

Think carefully about this gift; it should not be cheap or meaningless. It shows your appreciation for the fact that they give you the opportunity to relax and save on a hotel. Gifts can be inexpensive, but thoughtful: good wine, sweets, a fruit basket, flowers. If you don't want to take it with you, buy it on the way.

7. Be flexible and adapt

The living space that is provided to you is designed for the fact that you are staying there temporarily and is primarily convenient for the owners. Make an effort and try to adapt to their preferences. To make it clear what is expected of you, discuss this with the inviting party in advance: how late you can come, how you will pay for your share of food, etc.

8. Try to keep the room you are given clean.

Don't drag your suitcase around the house. Be careful - don’t eat a sandwich with butter on the bed, don’t walk around in dirty shoes. Make your bed before you go to breakfast. Don't let your suitcase and belongings lie around, especially if you and the owners share part of the room. Be careful. Simply closing the door to a dirty room is not an option. Place dirty laundry in a bag if you can’t wash it. If you need closet space, let the owners know before you start occupying it.

9. Sharing a bathroom should not cause inconvenience to anyone

If there is only one bath in the house, ask when you can shower. Show flexibility in this matter: it is quite possible that the family is going to work in the morning - don’t get in the way, wait until everyone has left, you can take a shower a little later. Don’t leave toothpaste splashes, rinse off the water behind you, and don’t throw a wet towel on the floor.

10. Maintain good hygiene

The owners are unlikely to like hosting dirty people. If you get sick before your trip, it is better to cancel it so as not to infect your invitees. Nothing ruins a friendship more than the stomach flu brought in by a careless guest.

11. Don’t keep your hosts late

It doesn’t matter how long you haven’t seen each other, and how many interesting stories you have accumulated during this time. Let your friends have the opportunity to sleep. Besides, you're probably tired after the trip. But don’t go to extremes and go to bed too early so that your owners tiptoe around you. If you have different tastes in music and television, bring some headphones.

12. Offer to help during lunch/dinner

There are few things more exhausting and stressful than hosting guests who are sitting and waiting for the next dish to arrive. This is what makes a holiday at home different from a holiday at a hotel. This rule does not mean that you should crowd the kitchen, but you can offer to collect dirty dishes, help serve dishes, wash dishes, take out the trash. You can even offer to cook lunch yourself a couple of times. If you don't know how to cook, just ask how you can help! Even if the owners claim that help is not needed, believe that this is not so. And they will be grateful to you for your participation.

13. No assumptions!

If you want to help tidy up your refrigerator or closet, ask the owners if this is necessary. Without such a question - no action! This rule applies to both expensive items and ordinary food in the refrigerator. If you don’t have the opportunity to ask now whether you can take this piece of sausage, then take it, but buy exactly the same one in the very near future. It’s difficult to draw a line with regard to products: perhaps the store is nearby, or maybe even a couple of tram stops away; Perhaps the owners do not save on food, but it may just as well be that their level of income forces them to count food costs. In any case, the polite owner will remain silent, but will note to himself your incorrect action. In addition, never look for anything in drawers and cabinets that contain household items. Just ask for what you need and they will show you the location of that item.

14. Offer to share expenses

Even if you buy your own groceries, you can sometimes buy some detergents/cleaning products (after all, you use toilet paper every day?!). And besides, the owners probably spent a lot of time and money to prepare for your visit. Surely, they bought additional products, prepared dinner or lunch to celebrate the arrival of the guest. If the owners are confused by the fact that you are offering to contribute to the common pot, simply leave the money in a visible place, while clearly stating that it is for food and general needs. If you live for more than a couple of days, then such an act, or buying the necessary little things, is simply necessary. Or you can take them to a restaurant of their choice as a thank you.

15. Be aware of your family's cultural/culinary/personal preferences.

Perhaps you cannot live without meat, but those who invited you to visit may turn out to be vegetarians. So - no criticism of their way of life.

16. Be grateful

Praise local attractions and local cuisine. Even if they are much better in your region. Don't criticize or compare.

17. Washing

Don't be shy to ask how you can wash your laundry. The owners understand perfectly well that in a couple of days you will have a set of dirty laundry. Don't pose the question in such a way that they will be forced to wash it with their laundry. Don't calculate when the washing machine will be free, just ask! Find out this by emphasizing that you do not want to disrupt the established order in the family.

18. The guest’s entertainment is not the host’s concern.

People can offer you their home, but not their time. They may not have free time to show you around the city or spend a couple of evenings with you. Don't feel obligated to accompany you to a museum or monument or downtown. There is public transport and taxis, right? Even if they have a car, they are not obligated to take you on excursions. Rent a car if you want to see as much as possible. Those who invited you have most likely seen local attractions several dozen times, in addition, you often have to pay to visit them (museums, art galleries, etc.), that is, their costs increase even more. If the receiving party has the time and desire to accompany you, then try to thank them with lunch at a restaurant.

19. Be home on time

Immediately clearly agree on the time when you can leave and come when the family is used to having dinner. Let me know if you're going to be late. If you are having dinner together, then come half an hour before they start setting the table: this way you will have time to help the hostess. If you come back late, don’t expect that someone is obliged to wait for you with dinner, take pizza with you (and preferably with the expectation that the hosts will also get a piece). If the owners are already asleep, then do not make any noise, make sure to lock the door and turn off the light behind you.

20. Be careful with Internet access and telephone

If you use the hosts’ phone for calls, then check the rates for long-distance and international calls (depending on where you are going to call). It will be less intrusive to check your email in the Internet club than from your host’s computer. And it’s the height of indecency to sit on the Internet all night if the owners have a traffic limit.

21. When leaving, leave a small gift of gratitude.

Again, nothing expensive or pompous. Just a token of gratitude for their hospitality. The cost of gifts is directly proportional to the length of stay. Flowers, wine, fresh fruit, souvenir. Something that will make you remember your visit fondly. Do you want to be invited to visit again? If you can't buy flowers, call the delivery service. Remember that in different cultures, gifted flowers can have completely different meanings (their color, variety).

22. Before leaving, collect the bed linen and towels you used.

You can simply put them in a neat pile at the foot of the bed or in a place reserved for dirty laundry. But if you have already used a washing machine, you can wash it. It would also be a good idea to clean the room you were occupying.

23. Leave the house quietly and unobtrusively

If you leave early in the morning, say goodbye the night before. If your departure is scheduled for late evening or night, call a taxi in advance. Don't expect your hosts to be obligated to take you to the airport, even if you're leaving at a reasonable time. If you are leaving while the owners are at work, then make sure that you lock the apartment door well, leave the keys in the designated place, and fulfill all agreements.

24. Don’t prolong your stay

A short visit is a pleasant visit, it leaves only pleasant memories. Ben Franklin said: “Fish and guests begin to smell on the third day.” If you are coming for a longer period, then try to organize it on a business basis, or find a way to stay somewhere else, divide your stay so as to give the family that invites you a couple of days of rest.

25. Send a thank you card

A small card or postcard is enough to thank the hosts for their hospitality. Yes, this is just a sign of gratitude, but it will open hospitable doors more than once for you, and your visit will be remembered on a positive note.

Hints

If you have your own culinary restrictions, or a special diet, then take care of this yourself. Be prepared to cook for yourself separately. If you haven’t found where you can buy a particular product, consult the owners.
From time to time, differences between your habits and those of your hosts can lead to irritation on one side. Remember that you can always find a compromise. Be open, honest, considerate. If it is obvious that your stay is causing discomfort, find out why this is happening and what can be done to restore a friendly atmosphere.
Offer your help in the kitchen. Take a closer look - perhaps only one person reigns in the kitchen, then you can ignore this point and leave him alone, but this happens extremely rarely. But in this case, the guest must find other ways to help around the house. Act as you would like guests to act in your home.
Some people are very clean and picky about neatness. Be careful if you dine alone, don’t forget to wash the dishes after yourself. If you see that it would be nice to wash the floor and vacuum the carpet, then do it.
If the owners provide you with a car, then at least pay for gasoline. Your movement should not be at a loss to the receiving party. It will still be cheaper than using a taxi. Remember that it is considered good form to pay a little more than the owner spent. If you offer a very small amount that does not cover your expenses at all, then it will look like you are taking advantage of the hosts and is insulting. The exception is if in the near future you will be able to provide the same services (that is, accept these people as the owner). It is advisable to leave some amounts during your stay and plus a thank you before leaving. Your friends will appreciate this and will be happy to invite you more than once.

Pay attention

Always make amends. If you break or break something, then refund the cost or buy an identical item, even if you did it by accident. Don't put things off for a long time.
Your personal belongings should be kept separately. It is absolutely unacceptable for your things to block the passage to the room, etc., even if the owner is not neat by nature.
Do not take “Make yourself at home” as an invitation to interfere in the personal affairs of the owners or take their personal belongings. This applies to both friends and close relatives.
Never, under any circumstances, criticize the members of your host family or spread gossip about them. This is extremely disrespectful and rude. Next time, neither these hosts nor the one with whom you gossiped about them will invite you.
Were you invited, or did you ask to be hosted for a while? If the latter, then be sure to adhere to the above rules! But it won’t hurt to do them even if you are invited. This will help you leave a good impression and be invited again.

If you want to be invited over and over again, then follow simple and undeniable rules of etiquette that will teach you how to be a good guest. Always remember to be respectful and considerate of others.

Come visit with a gift

Hosts always prepare for the arrival of guests - they clean the house, prepare food, and so on, so the least you can do for them is to come visit with a gift to show your gratitude. A bottle of wine is quite suitable for this purpose, but it is better to find out more about the owners before giving such a gift. It would be terrible to give a bottle of alcohol to someone who is trying to recover from this addiction. If you don’t know the person you’re visiting very well, then it’s better to take something neutral with you, for example, a basket of pasta and sauces for it or a set of jars of jam.

Buy groceries yourself

You can do this for several reasons: if you are picky about food and are afraid that the owners will not have what you are used to eating, and also because it is simply not convenient to overeat the owners. Once you're settled in, find out where the nearest supermarket is. Choose a time to go shopping for groceries like bacon, eggs, bread and more. Not only will you save money, since you won’t have to go out to eat at a restaurant every time, but the owners will also appreciate your action, especially when you leave and leave them what you bought.

Save bed linen and towels

Hospitable hosts will definitely give you one or two towels, but if this is not enough for you, then take your own towel with you so that you don’t need anything from your guests. For example, it could be a beach towel, which the owners may not have.

Ask about house rules. In every home, people have their own rules. For example, someone might not like you heating up pizza at three in the morning when you've just returned from the bar. To avoid offending the owners of the house, immediately ask about the rules they adhere to. Do you need to lock the door when you leave? Can I put silver cutlery in the dishwasher? Can you take your dog for a walk when the owners are not at home? Most people like things to be in a certain order, so it's best to find out about this as soon as you arrive at their home.

Give home owners personal space

Although the owners of the house may be happy to meet you, they will not want to spend all their time with you. Treat this with respect. Ask them about their city, but expect to do the sightseeing on your own. Of course, you can invite the owners of the house with you if they don’t mind. But don't count too much on their agreement, since they are working and you are on vacation. After all, you can walk around an unfamiliar city on your own, without anyone whining that he is tired, that it is hot outside, and the like.

Give a helping hand

If the owners of the house do not leave the kitchen while preparing a festive dinner, then offer them your help. Maybe you'll walk the dog or go to the store for a beer or something. At first, the owners may refuse your help out of politeness, but then they will gratefully accept it.

Keep common rooms clean

Never allow yourself to do at a party what you are used to doing at home. Always lower the toilet lid, wash dishes yourself or place them in dishwasher . Make your bed, turn off the lights when you leave the room. There is nothing worse than walking around the house and cleaning up after guests. Most likely, the owners of the house will not tell you anything, but rest assured, next time they will not invite you back to their place.

Treat your hosts

If you know how to cook well, prepare your signature dish and don’t forget to wash the dishes afterwards. If you're not good at cooking, ask the hosts what their favorite restaurant is and invite them there.

Remove bedding before departure

Do your homeowners a favor and put all your bedding, including towels, in a pile. This will save them some time when they are putting their laundry away. Although it is better to ask the owners about this first. Some people don't want guests to see stains on their mattresses and pillows. And although these spots are quite common, people may feel uncomfortable in front of you.

Find out what home owners like or need

Use this information to purchase a small leaving gift that will help you express your gratitude for their hospitality.

Send home owners a thank you note

As soon as you return home, don't forget to send the owners of the house where you stayed a short note thanking them for their hospitality. They were not obliged to accept you and could find a bunch of reasons for refusing. But they opened the doors of their home for you, so thanking them for this again will not be amiss.

This question often comes up in different formulations and cases. And in my life he stood up the other day)) Let's figure it out.
So, first we divide the situation into two types:
1) you were invited, a) for lunch/dinner, b) “just for a visit”;
2) you weren’t invited, a) you “asked for it”), b) they came unexpectedly, without warning

You have been invited.
The principle of equal exchange applies here. That is, "give for give"))
If you are invited to a birthday party, everything is clear here: no need to bring food with you . You “exchange” food at a party for a birthday gift)))
Further. If you are invited to lunch/dinner/tea/beer, etc. (this was voiced), then there is a rule: then you must make a return invitation, that is, then also invite these people to visit (or it is believed that if not to visit, then to a restaurant, to a concert, to a theater, etc. .P.).
And now:
If you are not prepared to make such a counter-invitation,
OR if you are ready to invite, you will be glad to host friends, but you understand that a meeting is impossible (for example, you live very far away; you are now going to visit your university teacher and he will definitely not come to visit you ; you are now going to visit the parents of a very young child and they will not come to you until the child grows up, etc.),
so then you have to "compensate" for this by bringing something with you now - cake, wine, fruit, snacks, etc.
And if you plan to invite someone to visit you later, then you can come empty-handed : You will set the table the same way another time.

If they are waiting for you, there is an agreement to meet, but you were simply invited: “COME IN FOR A VISIT”
By the way, this is not at all a fact that the table will be set))
If it was not announced that there will be dinner, for example, then no one is obliged to feed you when you arrive. But it happens that you go to visit very hungry. In this case it is very It's best if you bring your own food. If you are not hungry but want tea, bring something to go with your tea.
Or, for example, you call your friends and say that you will be in their area on business and want to come visit. Bring something sweet with you for tea: there may not be any treats in the house. If you expect to be hungry, please bring snacks.

You weren't invited. And you didn't warn
In fact, it is definitely indecent to come visit during lunch or dinner. If you come, and the family is sitting at the table and you are politely invited, then it is correct to refuse, citing the fact that you have already eaten. Well, only if they insist, then accept the invitation.
In general, it is indecent to come visit for a long time without prior warning and agreement. Normally - up to 15 minutes.
Of course, it matters how close the friends are and how things are generally done between you. Because it’s great when a close friend rings the doorbell: Hello! I came to you with good wine , let's celebrate that I got a cool job!
And of course, there are still many questions and subtleties in this topic. I invite you to discuss in the comments