How to explain to a child that his parents love him? Childhood jealousy Is it possible to avoid childhood jealousy

They don't understand the reason for your separation. Before such a serious conversation, you will need to find out how stable the child’s psychological state is.

Parents who understand all the responsibility need to think first of all about their children, about their welfare, but at the same time they should not forget that they also have the right to happiness. Parents who are divorced will still need to communicate with each other in order to know what is happening with their child. And it won’t matter who the child stays with (mom or dad). They are jointly responsible for raising the child, even if they are divorced

You can, coming from the street or a store, start a conversation with your child in the form of a fairy tale or a game: Once upon a time there lived one family (mom, dad and their son). He was as old as you are now. And now mom (dad) says that he wants to tell him some important news. And ask him to express his thoughts about what they want to tell him. Just listen to him carefully.

1. The child may assume that you will go somewhere to travel abroad or go on a visit. That a big pleasant surprise awaits him, which he is really looking forward to. If so, then his soul is calm and there is no reason to worry, you can safely start a conversation with him.
2. If your child thinks that someone close to you has died or is seriously ill, then you need to think about it. Then there is no need to rush into announcing your decision. You need to wait a little so as not to harm or cause psychological trauma to the child. The child's soul is too vulnerable.

When you see that the child is ready for such a conversation, then you should not put the conversation on hold, because if the child lives in ignorance, it will be even worse. Just be sure to say in the conversation that you didn’t break up with your dad because of him.

If the baby has not yet reached the age of three, then you can simply tell him that you and dad will not live together. That dad will now live separately from you.

If the child is over 6 years old, then you will have a more difficult conversation. And it is important to know how to explain to a child that his mother will live with another person without traumatizing him.

You will need to tell your child that you and dad are breaking up for one reason or another. That this happens often in life, that people have to separate, but this does not mean that the child is not loved by the parents. Try to have this conversation in a calm environment and there are no strangers with you. Explain to the child that they will still go somewhere with dad as before, but he will not live with them. That dad will always help in any difficult situation. There is no need to turn a child against his father and say all sorts of nasty things about him. That everything will remain the same as it is now, the only thing that will change is that you will live separately. And the hardest thing is to tell your child that another person will now live with you and him.

The child may be wary of your chosen one. It is possible that the child may in every possible way resist having another person appear in your life. Children over seven years of age respond very well to their mother's condition. If you are calm, then the child will feel calm. In any case, the child should feel that he is protected.

Before you are going to bring a new chosen one, there is no need to ask your child if it is possible for “this uncle” to live with you. After all, with this question you will shift all responsibility onto the child. Under no circumstances should this be done. Dating should only happen when your relationship is already so serious and you are completely sure that you want to connect your future destiny with this person. You should not introduce your new chosen one to your child as his new dad. After all, he already has a dad. He can make friends with him and become a good friend for him. Your child may want to be like him in some way in the future. But don’t expect this right away, because for the child he is a complete stranger. And he faces the difficult task of getting used to a complete stranger. Therefore, if the child has a negative reaction to the fact that another person will live with his mother, treat it with understanding. The person you want to start living with must find an approach to your child. Try to become a good friend for him so that the child can trust him. Then you will not have problems in later life. But he must understand perfectly well that he cannot replace the child’s own father. Sometimes a child may try to reconcile mom and dad, because he would really like mom and dad to be together. And you must remember that you have a full right to privacy and happiness.

To make your child feel loved, give him more attention. Hug him, kiss him and tell him that you love him. Always try to tell your child the truth so that he knows that you trust him. Then in the future it will be easy for you to solve any problems and find a quick and correct solution in any situation. If your child is over 10 years old, try to communicate with him as an equal, so he will understand you better in certain situations.

If you decide to remarry, you must protect your child whenever there is a reason to do so. This way your child will know that he is protected. After all, you are now a more significant person for him than a stranger.

Without a mask

“Once on a walk, I did not allow Vadik (1 year 8 months) to take off his shoes and run barefoot, like in summer, on the sand. The sand was quite cold, and I was naturally afraid that he would catch a cold. I began to explain that you could get sick, but Vadik did not give in to persuasion. He started pushing me with his hands, crying and shouting, “Mom, bad!” says Natalya. “What should I do in such situations, do I need to react somehow?”

Well, the baby can really be very upset. Children, and many adults, cannot mask their emotions - they say everything as it is, what is in their head at the moment. A child may not be allowed to play with a cherished cell phone, or may not be allowed to insert a pen refill into a socket, or may not be able to buy a racing car with a remote control. In this case, rude words addressed to the mother are the same manifestation of emotions as silence, throwing toys or slamming the door. As a rule, this reason can prompt a child to offend his mother, even when he is not even two years old. If the baby cannot yet pronounce words, he will replace them with his fist. Until the age of two, the little explorer is only groping for the boundaries of behavior, trying out what he can and cannot do, and showing accumulated aggression.

In many ways, children simply watch how their parents react to their actions. And if you stop blows, spitting, biting, and harsh words at an early age, then problems will not arise in the future. It is impossible not to pay any attention. Pretending that the baby is small and does not know what he is saying is easy, but very dangerous. Ignoring your child’s behavior, believing that he is seeking your attention in this way is also wrong! Indifference will build a thick wall in your relationship and make the situation worse.

But there is no need to “give back” to the child, scold him or punish him. If you spank him in a fit of anger, he will only be convinced of the correctness of his statement. Explain to the child that you can’t talk to your mother like that, calm him down, make sure that the words “Mom is bad!” changed to a phrase meaning that the baby is upset and offended. Don’t just tell your child, “You can’t say that,” but give examples of how he can say things differently to express and explain his negative feelings and emotions. Sit down, get down on the same level as the child, look into his eyes, hold him close to you if he allows. Tell your little one about what upset him: “I understand that you really want to run barefoot, but it’s cold now. I love you and don’t want you to get sick!” Repeat these words several times and remain calm.

big ear

“My mother-in-law always teaches me how I should raise my child! This makes me angry, I’m a mother, and I should know better what to do and how! - says Elena. - But now I have a question. When she next came to our house, Dasha (2 years 8 months), instead of saying “hello,” told her to leave and not teach us how to live! Grandma was offended and left. Does the child really understand that she is wrong? How can I explain to my daughter so that she doesn’t talk to adults like that?”

By the age of three, another reason is added to the first. Psychologists call it “joining a support group.” The child calls names or hits a person (and most often this is not the mother, but another adult) who is in conflict in the family, for example, with the same mother. He hears what you say in the kitchen to your husband or girlfriend, he understands what you are talking about, how you speak about this person, and takes your side. Don't think he realized that grandma was making too many comments about his upbringing. No, he only expresses the opinion of his parents! The child is still too young to understand all the intricacies of the conflict and maintain neutrality.

Even if the mother is happy with such support for the child, this will not last long. Having allowed himself to snap at his elders, the baby will not forget to offend her, only a little later. You need to try to deal with your adult problems as quickly as possible, and in the meantime, do not make your child a participant in them. If you simply forbid being rude to your grandmother, but in your heart rejoice at the children’s support, there will be no point.

The show begins!

“My 3-year-old son cannot stand comments,” Inna complains. - I said that if he doesn’t give up the stick with which he runs after other kids, I will take him home. He didn’t listen, and when I was about to leave, he started shouting and calling me names. I stayed - he calmed down. And I involuntarily thought: “Yes, in the end he would run with a stick, why did I forbid him!”

A common reason for aggression towards parents is the desire to demonstrate their resentment, influence mom or dad, and convey to parents that they are wrong. He plays the role of the offended - “sulking” at the whole world! And he doesn’t consider the possibility of getting what he wanted through hurtful words. But with our help, he quickly understands how and when to act. “You’re bad, I don’t want to live with you!” - and the baby suddenly unexpectedly gets what he wanted. The confused mother is ready to fulfill the child’s wish - remaining bad is not so pleasant. At 3 years old, the baby already skillfully takes advantage of our weaknesses, and in the future he only improves in this art. One of the biggest mistakes in parenting is allowing a child to do something that was forbidden, just so that he doesn’t think that you don’t love him.

Strictly follow the rule: if you said that you will punish, punish, if you have punished, do not cancel your punishment, especially if the child begins to achieve this by shouting or swearing at you. Think carefully about the methods of punishment: if you know that you still won’t leave the walk because the child needs fresh air and you don’t want to return to a stuffy apartment, don’t threaten to go home! Break stereotypes, make sure the child understands: his mother’s word will not change because of his screams!

Little repeat

“I didn’t buy Alice (2 years 9 months) a toy in the store. And she told me that I was bad, that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore, wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t love me – that’s the point! – Evgenia is indignant.”

Have you ever thought that your baby might just be repeating phrases that are used against him? When you are dissatisfied with your child’s behavior, try to call it bad not him, but the action or deed that he committed. There is, for example, a big difference between the phrases “You are bad! Why did you hit the boy? and “Fighting is very bad!”

In addition, never tell your child that you don’t love him or may stop loving him. Mother’s love for a baby should always be unchanging, constant, it should be the basis of the little man’s life - do not destroy it under any circumstances, the consequences will be felt for many years to come. And in order not to hear offensive phrases addressed to you, do not say them to your baby - after all, he is just copying you!

Never threaten something that you cannot fulfill: the baby will not take your words seriously.

Life history.

If a child says that he doesn’t love you, don’t answer: “If that’s the case, go look for another, good mother!” In some situations, the child is ready to really go looking for another mother! The cruelty of parents: groundless constant reproaches and punishments, beating, neglect of the child, throwing away his favorite toys in anger - gives him the right to say what he is truly convinced of. If the mother is constantly irritated, yells at the baby, and does not participate in his life, then those phrases that the child may shout out with resentment will be the hard-won truth.

Love your child in words, affectionate touches, appreciate and cherish them! After all, you must admit, there is nothing more pleasant than hearing: “Mommy, I love you so much!”

Divorce of parents is a great stress for a child. The usual rhythm of life is changing. It is very difficult for a little person to get used to the understanding that their family is no longer there, mom and dad will never be together. Time passes, children get used to it, accept the positions of adults, and continue to enjoy life. Parents arrange their personal lives, make new acquaintances, and fall in love.

In most cases of divorce, children remain to live with their mother. Time passes and the woman meets her new life partner, they decide to get married.

Not an easy question. How to explain to your child about your second husband?

In order to start a difficult conversation, you must follow these rules:

1. Introduce your boyfriend to your son or daughter. Establish trust between them.
2. Choose a special time to talk. Do not convey the news casually; the child may doubt his importance. Tell your child the news yourself, regardless of his age. Children 2 - 3 years old understand perfectly what is happening and will react painfully if their mother does not consider it necessary to talk to them.
3. Be honest and forthright. Tell your son or daughter the news joyfully. Children should know that mother's marriage is a big event. It will change your life for the better. that every person on Earth must have a couple to be happy. The baby will grow up, fall in love and leave the family, and the mother should have constant support and support.
4. Be confident in your choice. If the mother herself doubts the correctness of the decision, think about it: maybe there’s no need to rush?
5. Start the conversation by saying that you love your child very much. Let him know that your love for him is endless. No one will ever take the place of a son or daughter in a mother’s heart.
6. Talk to your child about the biological father. Tell him that the new husband will not replace his own father. Just a companion for your mother, he will become a reliable friend and support. During the conversation, do not speak badly about your son or daughter’s father, do not compare him with your new chosen one.
7. Ask your child what qualities he likes in his mother’s future husband, and what qualities he is not satisfied with? Talk to your partner about how you can improve mutual understanding between him and your baby.

The new husband is the child's first friend and companion!

To ensure that the news about the mother’s marriage does not become a blow to the baby, it is necessary to introduce him to the chosen one in advance. The future husband must understand all the responsibility that he takes on his shoulders. His main task is to become a little friend, assistant, protector.

Time spent together is priceless. It is very good if the future chosen one can find common hobbies with the child. Fishing, swimming, sports, cycling - children love all this. However, you should not think that all guys are the same. Your mother will help you choose a joint activity. She, like no one else, knows the hobbies and talents of her young fidget.

Don't worry if your first relationship fails. In most cases, a child needs time to get used to, trust and let a stranger into his life. Don't rush and insist. A stepfather does not need to take on the role of a father. There is no point in giving advice and moralizing to a child; he will take them with hostility. Wait until the baby feels the authority of the mother’s companion’s opinion and asks for help.

Remember, the main thing for a son or daughter is the happiness of their mother!

What can you expect after the conversation?

Children do not always perceive the world the way their parents do. That is why, after an important conversation, the mother should be prepared for a response. Depending on age characteristics, type of temperament, attitude towards the future companion, a child may behave differently.

Children from 1 year to 3 years.
Most often, kids perceive the news favorably. The main thing for children of this age is the love and care of their mother. The appearance of a new adult friend is viewed with caution by the little ones, but they quickly get used to it. They trust their tiny heart to their new chosen one. Mom should know and understand that if she makes a mistake in choosing a new spouse, she will break not only her heart, but the world of her little one.

Children from 3 to 7 years old.
This group includes guys who understand feelings. They know how to distinguish sincere care from gross falsehood. Children may perceive the news with categorical denial, hysterics, and crying. This age group is characterized by negativism, manifestations of selfishness, bad behavior, and blackmail. Mom needs to remember that it is too difficult for the baby to cope with the flow of feelings on his own. Frank conversations will help relieve emotional stress.

Children from 7 to 16 years old.
Teenagers, despite their age, take the news of their mother’s marriage quite hard. The reaction may be unpredictable. It ranges from completely positive to strongly negative. With a negative reaction, one can expect behavior typical of young children.

Be sure to introduce your child to your future husband in advance and establish friendly contact. Teenage children well understand their mother’s desire not to be lonely. But they are driven by the fear that their parent’s choice will be wrong. Having proven that the chosen one is worthy of their mother’s love, the children quickly get used to him and become friends.

After breaking the news about her marriage, a mother needs to give her son or daughter time to think about it. Don't expect an instant reaction. Say that you are always ready for a frank conversation at any time.

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April

31.10.2009, 19:24

Actually the question is how? :009:

V. Rednaya

31.10.2009, 19:45

do not use the phrases “if you do something, you will be good, your mother will love you”
Praise simply for nothing, and not for some actions..
When scolding, don’t say that if you behave this way, your mother won’t love you..
I don’t know, I somehow never thought about the fact that a child can be “taught” that he is loved for something..

April

31.10.2009, 19:48

So the point is. that my daughter comes up to me and asks (She is 2.6 years old).
-Mommy, do you love me?
-Yes, of course (and kiss)
-For what?
- No, you’re welcome, just that you exist.
-How is it?
I couldn't answer this...

31.10.2009, 19:55

I would say something like this:

Rosa Luxemburg

31.10.2009, 19:57

Why does he think that they love him for something?

It seems to me that it’s difficult to explain in words (of course, you can use the classic: “it’s great that I have you,” but I don’t know if it will help). He may smile more, showing that you are pleased to be with him, hug him, stroke his head, and enjoy playing together.
Well, be careful what you say.
But this is all theory; in practice, for some reason, everything is more complicated...
Good luck in your upbringing)))))

Rosa Luxemburg

31.10.2009, 20:01

I would say something like this:
I always love you - when you behave well, I praise and love you, when you don’t obey, I scold you, but I still love you. This is for no reason, but just because you exist :)
I would also ask “do you love me? And why?” - then I would probably better understand how to explain, based on what and how the child will tell me :)
While I was writing, new circumstances “surfaced”....(I’m talking about my previous post) :)):))
I completely agree with Inna-LIN/

April

31.10.2009, 20:06

A
There is no smoke without fire... which means those close to him often said something like: “If you don’t put away the toys now, then I won’t love you” or “All good children have been asleep for a long time” (and he is bad..) etc.

There is no such thing, we often spend time with the child and often hear that she is loved. when she doesn’t want to put away the toys, she hears in response that she won’t see them again.

Stewardess

31.10.2009, 22:28

Don't you go to kindergarten?

Elena Mikhailovna

31.10.2009, 22:41

IIrinkAAA

01.11.2009, 00:40

Yeah, and I hug and kiss mine, say that I love him, and he breaks out in response and says that he doesn’t love me. Although, they began to go to the garden, and now he himself began to come up and hug...

01.11.2009, 00:53

mine hasn’t asked such a question yet, but I think the main thing is not to answer that you love it when you behave well and obey, etc. With us it’s a little bit the opposite, I ask her: “Do you love mom?” she answers: “Yes, I love dad, and grandma, and grandpa, I love everyone” :)) I tell her accordingly that we all love her very much too love

April

01.11.2009, 10:47

Don't you go to kindergarten?
This started happening to us after kindergarten and I even know why, the child constantly asks if I love her, if I will love her, I answer that, of course, I love her very much and will always love her.
We go, do you think they are being told there? :005:

April

01.11.2009, 10:48

Maybe your child just needs to be told more often how much you love him and give him more hugs and kisses for nothing? For example, I tell my boyfriend 10 times a day that I love him very, very much.
We have 10 times only in the morning. while we get up:004::))

01.11.2009, 12:37

01.11.2009, 13:06

Even if you scold him, you should always regret it after that and say that you love him.
After you scold you, you can never regret it! this will create confusion in the concepts of good and bad, and in general the child will be confused about why he was punished then, if he was later regretted, in general it is impossible to feel sorry in such a situation: ded:

And so, I asked the question “why do you love me?” I haven’t encountered it yet, so in life I’m not embarrassed to tell my son that I love him very, very much, at any opportunity, and then 3 days ago, he also clung to me, buried his nose and said one to one, “I love you very, very much.” ":love: so I was ready to burst into tears with happiness :)) how cool it is, losing in outbursts of tenderness always says that he loves and so sincerely, such a thrill:065:
If he asks why they love you, I’ll say that simply because you are my son, because I have you, I don’t need anything else for love, something like this:024:

SHURUMBURM

01.11.2009, 15:12

After you scold you, you can never regret it! this will create confusion in the concepts of good and bad, and in general the child will be confused about why he was punished then, if he was later regretted, in general it is impossible to feel sorry in such a situation: ded:
but to say something like I love you very much, but you did something bad, so I scolded and punished you, is very correct IMHO
This is a statement of fact, bad behavior will not affect mother’s love

1:) you can also, after you scold, express your sadness regarding the child’s behavior, you MUST say how much you love him.. and how it upsets you when the child behaves this way.

But to the point...

Parents having several children, often ask themselves if they love everyone equally. After all, they want this, although they do not always succeed. Even if the parents are sure that they love both children equally, it will not be possible to treat them equally, if only because of the difference in age.

Statistics say that older children have a successful career more often than younger ones. Older children in the family it's not that easy. Frequent guests in their souls are jealousy and bitter resentment for the fact that they are loved less, they are given less attention, and more is demanded of them. Unfortunately, with problem of childhood jealousy almost every one faces family. What to do parents to keep friendly family?

Buy different toys for children

Need to buy various toys age appropriate baby. Explain before handing them over. children what the machine is for junior, and the game is for senior. If they want, they will exchange or let each other play. Never compare yours children. This is the most common mistake parents: one is scolded, and the other is set as an example. Complexes and self-doubt appear.

Juniors And older children should feel in family in equal conditions and bear responsibility for their actions to the best of their ability. For example, toys are removed by the one who scattered them. If you feel that eldest child starts be jealous or hate junior, then try to correct the situation. Just don't panic and do it very gently.

How to explain to children that you love them equally as much

For example, when youngest child sleeps or walks with grandma, spend some time alone with your elder, hug his, caress. Tell him how much you love him, how you waited for his birth, how worried you were. Reconsider photos with a child, play together. Give him all your warmth and tenderness. Brothers and sisters must argue. On the one hand, to get closer to each other, on the other, to disassociate. This is correct and important. And if you sometimes get nervous with everything, there’s nothing wrong with that either.

Admit, parents It’s hard to meet all these requirements, but it’s worth at least trying. For mothers this means that you should give more often small child under the supervision of other people to do something together with the elder. Simultaneously father should also pay more attention family to fill the resulting vacuum of feelings.