Attitudes of adolescent children towards their parents. Problems in relationships between teenagers and parents. The need to defend one's opinion

Adolescence is a period of formation of the inner “I” and a kind of revaluation of values. At the stage of growing up, it becomes especially important for a child to realize his role in the team and equal rights in communication with his father and mother. The main problem that teenagers have is relationships with their parents.

Relationships between children and parents

At the age of 13-15 years, a child tends to distance himself from his parents. For him, mom and dad are still a source of warmth and trust, but, at the same time, they remain power with the characteristic “carrot and stick” methods, and undisputed authority, and best friend. But the problem is that in adolescence these positions change places. That is why even in the happiest family some difficulties may arise in communicating with children.

For the most part, all families can be classified into the following types:

Close, trusting relationships

In such families, parents always listen to the opinion of their child, are interested in his hobbies, and children turn to their parents for advice in solving more important issues. Children from such families are usually active, friendly and cheerful.

Families where there is an atmosphere of goodwill

Parents are interested in the child’s life, control his interests and circle of friends, and have sufficient influence. In such families, if conflicts arise, they are resolved immediately without violating trusting relationships. Children are usually polite, obedient, neat, but rarely show activity and independence.

Parents are not very attentive

The main group of families in which parents are not too attentive to the life of their child. They monitor his studies, organize his life and leisure, but their concern is limited to this. It would seem that a teenager has clothes, a separate room, and audio and video equipment, but parents are disdainful of their children’s hobbies, and, therefore, create a certain barrier in relationships. In such families it is clearly evident.

Families with severe hostility

This type includes families in which they monitor their children and use cruel methods of punishment, including assault. There are constant conflicts, the cause of which is distrust of adults and difficulties in communication.

Family relationships are beyond acceptable norms

In other words, asocial families. Here, children are raised in an atmosphere of hostility and constant tension, and one or both parents may abuse alcohol. There may be manifestations of aggression, cruelty on the part of the child, and inability to find a constructive way out of a conflict situation.

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Is it possible to improve relationships with a child when he has entered adolescence? How to go from the computer to real hobbies? What activities can we do to unite parents and children?

Raising a child is not an easy task: his birth does not mean that everything will work out automatically in his upbringing. For example, in our country, the generation of people born in the early 90s basically grew up like grass. I mean those who are now twenty to twenty-five years old and for whom it’s time to start families and have children. Unfortunately, many of them do not understand why this is necessary. Using the example of their parents’ families, they did not understand the value of family.

Why did this happen? Because their parents raised them very little - that was a time when parents sometimes did not have the physical opportunity to take care of their children: everyone worked, and even in several jobs, there were many single mothers; it was at this time, according to statistics, that the peak of divorces occurred and suicides.

In that great tragedy of the loss of the state, which at least somehow protected people, gave some kind of purpose in life and stability, many abandoned their children in front of televisions with entertainment programs, TV channels “2x2” - and ran to earn money and survive. Of course, they can be understood and justified, but without communication, these children lost contact with their parents, and as a result, the best, the most important thing was not invested in them.

In a modern family, at first glance, the situation is more prosperous, but take a closer look: relatives live some kind of separate life. What do we see in families, sometimes even large families? People in them live by their own interests: the wife - with girlfriends, acquaintances, mother, the husband - most often with a computer and TV, the children - with the same computer, the Internet, buddies, friends. Even the precious time of vacation and weekends, which could be allocated for communication, in a modern family they try to spend separately.

As a result, the already weak contact with the child is lost - after all, community is born only in communication. In order not to lose family ties, we must always remember: as soon as we have entered into family life, we can no longer perceive ourselves separately from our family, from people close to us. Their joys and problems, interests are common with us.

Most modern parents, unfortunately, believe that their main concern is making money; they forget that the primary concern for children is not about material wealth, but about community with the child!

People often come to priests with problems of adolescence: the child is rude, does not obey, sits at the computer, goes to see friends. It is clear that this is only the tip of the iceberg, that the failure occurred much earlier: even in childhood, important moments in establishing relationships with him were lost. Teenage problems, as a rule, are associated with the fact that some important moments of upbringing were missed in early childhood.

Parents face a double task: on the one hand, they are teachers, and must create the correct patterns of behavior for the child, cultivate his taste, musical and artistic, give the necessary books, teach the necessary skills, try to put into him the most necessary things so that he can enter normally into adulthood.

Their second function is to be the best friends in the world for the child, those whom he trusts, on whom he can rely, who know him, do not reject or brush aside his interests! At the same time, of course, it is important to maintain subordination - to be senior and authoritative comrades and not to indulge the child in everything.

By the way, about prohibitions. It is very important not only to clarify and prohibit something, but to offer something in return. For example, the scourge of our time is infatuation teenagers computers. One mother, noticing that her son was sitting at the computer all day, sounded the alarm. But she didn’t just put communication with the computer within strict limits. She bought the child a guitar, gave him to learn how to play it, and also asked a designer friend to work with her son once a week on the computer in three-dimensional graphics, that is, teach him to work, and not play on the machine. As a result, the son took 2nd place in the city at a music competition, and now earns money as a designer.

Often, a child goes into the virtual world due to the lack of normal, real hobbies. And we need to guide our children in the right direction. Clubs, sports clubs, fishing, tourism, just trips out of town - all this can distract children from unnecessary addictions.

Of course, the best thing is when they do all this with us. For example, my children and I often build something at the dacha, ride bicycles, go to the forest, they also really like to cook. As a child, my mother taught me to sew, my father taught me how to do something with my hands, my uncle taught me how to drive a car. Even now it’s interesting for me to communicate with my parents precisely because they set the tone for me since childhood. Our parents always unobtrusively walked ahead of us and showed us what to read, listen to, watch, and what to enjoy. Now I try to pass all this on to my children. And in general, raising children is a huge incentive for our own spiritual, moral and intellectual growth. By raising children, we ourselves are constantly learning something in order to go two steps ahead of them. After all, you can teach and educate only by personal example.

Very often, children run away from their parents because of overprotection. If we are friends with someone, we assume that we have inner freedom and that the other is a person who must be respected. A child will carry this attitude throughout his entire life, no matter what troubles, difficulties and even falls he may encounter in life.

Adolescence is difficult not so much for parents as for the child himself: he is actively growing, so sometimes he feels bad; Hormonal changes occur in his body. Sometimes he does not understand what is happening to him, he becomes vulnerable, vulnerable, he often has mood swings, etc. All our harsh words: “I hate”, “I don’t love”, “you can leave” - can hurt a child and even lead to suicide. At this age, a person does not yet value life and has no fear. The teenager does not yet understand how to grow up correctly, and does this through inappropriate actions and resistance to adults. He wants independence, but he does not yet know how to realize it.

By scolding a teenager and making comments to him, we only turn him against ourselves even more. What he needs now is not moralizing, but sympathy and understanding. Parental authority and power should be used at this age only when the soul or health of the child is in real danger.

We must understand that children are given to us for a while, and not skimp on communication. We must not miss the moment: before entering school, we see them all day long, then less and less, and then they enter into independent life. And other people already have a very strong and not always favorable influence on them. If you are not interested in the life of a child when he is ten years old, you do not know who he is friends with, then when he turns fifteen, you will have nothing to talk to him about. And when he’s twenty, he won’t communicate with you at all, except on holidays! Hurry up to communicate.

Discussion

My daughter is already 10 years old. And, I have already begun to understand how important communication between mother and daughter is.

Yes, this is all written correctly! Children are given to us only for a while, and then they begin to live their own lives and we have very little time there. So don't waste your time now.

Thanks for the interesting article! My eldest daughter is now just beginning this difficult age, and I want to help her, not to leave her alone. I found some useful tips for myself, I’ll try to put them into practice.

Comment on the article "Teenager and parents: how to maintain relationships. Hurry to communicate!"

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Federal Agency for Maritime and River Transport of the Russian Federation

Maritime State University named after Admiral G.I. Nevelsky

Humanitarian Institute

Psychology faculty

Department of Pedagogy and Developmental Psychology

COURSE WORK IN AGE PSYCHOLOGY

RELATIONSHIPS OF TEENAGERS WITH PARENTS

Completed by: Kuznetsova K.A.

Checked by: Lentareva T.A.

Vladivostok

Introduction……………………………………………………………………………………… 3

1. Features of adolescence…………………… 5

2. Sphere of communication among teenagers.…………………………………………………… 17

3. Relationships between teenagers and parents………………………………...24

Conclusion…………………………………………………………………………………… 35

List of sources used…………………………………………… 37

Introduction

The family plays the main role in the formation of moral principles and life principles of the child.

The family creates personality or destroys it; it has the power of the family to strengthen or undermine the mental health of its members. The family encourages some personal drives while preventing others, satisfies or suppresses personal needs. The family structures opportunities for achieving security, pleasure and self-realization.

The way children grow up depends on how relationships are built in the family, what values ​​and interests are brought to the fore by its older representatives. The family climate affects the moral climate and health of the entire society. The child reacts very sensitively to the behavior of adults and quickly learns the lessons learned in the process of family upbringing. It is almost impossible to re-educate a child from a problematic family.

Deep contacts with parents create a stable state of life in children, a feeling of confidence and reliability. And it brings a joyful feeling of satisfaction to parents.

The problem of relations between parents and children is complex and paradoxical. Its complexity lies in the hidden, intimate nature of human relationships, the scrupulousness of “external” penetration into them. And the paradox is that, despite all its importance, parents usually do not notice it, because they do not have the necessary psychological and pedagogical information for this.

Parents, as a rule, do not see either the process of development of the relationship between them and their children, or their consistency and logic, and begin to sound the alarm only after an alarming conflict situation arises. And conflict in the relationship between parents and children extremely rarely arises accidentally and suddenly.

Unfortunately, the accelerated pace of modern life, its urbanization, along with the ever-increasing responsibility and rigidity of social role prescriptions, unfavorable trends in the socio-psychological dynamics of family development, the lack of moral and ethical principles in the relationships of adults, and the low socio-psychological culture of communication lead to relationship disorders between parents and children. The one-sided dominance of the mother leads to a decrease in the role of the father in the family, and he is not able to promptly resolve the personal development problems of his children. All this negatively affects the upbringing of children and the formation of their personality. Therefore, it was decided to consider the problems of relationships between parents and adolescents in the family, considering this topic to be very relevant in modern conditions.

Features of intrafamily relationships were studied by A.I. Zakharov, A.S. Spivakovskaya, A.Ya. Varga, E.G. Eidemiller, J. Gippenreiter, M. Buyanov, Z. Matejcek, G. Homentauskas, A. Fromm, R, Snyder and others. A.S. made a huge contribution to the study of parent-child relationships. Makarenko, who developed the most important issues of family education.

In general, we can say that the problems of parent-child relationships are studied by many scientists who cover this issue from different aspects.

The purpose of the work is to study the relationship between adolescents and parents.

The object of the study is adolescents aged 13-15 years.

The subject of the study is the relationship between adolescents and parents.

Based on the purpose of the work, the following tasks were set:

Consider the characteristics of adolescence from the point of view of various approaches;

Consider the sphere of communication of adolescents in the family;

Explore relationships between adolescents and parents.

1. Features of adolescence

Adolescence is undoubtedly the most difficult, complex of all childhood ages, representing a period of personality formation. It “begins” with a change in the social situation of development.

This age has been studied by many prominent psychologists. For the first time, the psychological characteristics of adolescence were described by S. Hall, who pointed out the contradictory behavior of a teenager (for example, intensive communication is replaced by isolation, self-confidence turns into uncertainty and self-doubt, etc.). He introduced into psychology the idea of ​​adolescence as a crisis period of development. S. Hall associated the crisis and negative phenomena of adolescence with the transition, the interimity of this period in ontogenesis. He proceeded from the idea of ​​the biological conditioning of developmental processes in adolescence.

As V.I. points out. Slobodchikov, the grounds for such an explanation are obvious. Adolescence is characterized by rapid changes in the anatomy and physiology of a teenager. It grows rapidly, body weight increases, the skeleton grows rapidly (faster than muscles), and the cardiovascular system develops. Puberty is underway. During the restructuring of the teenager’s body, feelings of anxiety, increased excitability, and depression may occur. Many begin to feel clumsy, awkward, and become concerned about their appearance, short (boys), tall (girls) height, etc. At the same time, it is recognized in psychology that anatomical and physiological changes in a teenager’s body cannot be considered as a direct cause of his psychological development. These changes have an indirect meaning, refracted through social ideas about development, through cultural traditions of growing up, through the attitude of others towards a teenager and comparison of oneself with others.

As already noted, adolescence is essentially

crisis.

There are both external and internal (biological and psychological) prerequisites for this.

External prerequisites. Changing the nature of educational activities: multi-subject, the content of educational material represents the theoretical foundations of the sciences, proposed for the assimilation of abstractions, causing a qualitatively new cognitive attitude to knowledge; there is no unity of requirements: how many teachers, so many different assessments of the surrounding reality, the child’s behavior, his activities, views, relationships, personality traits. Hence the need for one’s own position, emancipation from the direct influence of adults; introduction of socially useful work into school education. The teenager develops awareness of himself as a participant in social and labor activities; new demands are made in the family (help with housework, they begin to consult with the teenager); the teenager begins to intensively reflect on himself.

Internal prerequisites. During this period, rapid physical growth and puberty occur (new hormones appear in the blood, the central nervous system is affected, tissues and body systems grow). The pronounced unevenness of maturation of various organic systems during this period leads to increased fatigue, excitability, irritability, and negativism.

From the point of view of internal psychological prerequisites, the key problem is the problem of interest and their development in adolescence. L.S. Vygotsky identifies several groups of adolescent interests according to dominants:

· “egocentric” - interest in one’s own personality;

· “dominant distance” - setting for a large scale;

· “dominant effort” - craving for volitional tension;

· “dominant to resistance” - stubbornness, protest;

· “dominant romance” - the desire for risk, heroism, and the unknown.

Adolescent psychology researcher M. Kle formulates developmental tasks in adolescence in relation to four main areas: body, thinking, social life, self-awareness.

1. Pubertal development. Over a relatively short period, a teenager's body undergoes significant changes. This entails two main development tasks:

· the need to reconstruct the bodily image of the “I” and build a male or female identity;

· gradual transition to adult sexuality.

2. Cognitive development. The development of the adolescent’s intellectual sphere is characterized by qualitative and quantitative changes that distinguish it from the child’s way of understanding the world. The development of cognitive abilities is marked by two main achievements:

· development of the ability for abstract thinking;

· expansion of time perspective.

3. Transformation of socialization. The predominant influence of the family in adolescence is gradually replaced by the influence of the peer group, which serves as a source of reference norms of behavior and obtaining a certain status. These changes occur in two directions, in accordance with two development tasks:

· release from parental care;

Gradual integration into a peer group.

4. Formation of identity. The formation of psychosocial identity, which underlies the phenomenon of adolescent self-awareness, includes three main developmental tasks:

· awareness of the temporal extent of one’s own “I”, including

· childhood past and determining the projection of oneself into the future;

· awareness of oneself as different from internalized parental images; implementation of a system of elections that ensure the integrity of the individual (profession, gender identity and ideological attitudes).

Against the background of the development of leading activity, the development of central new formations of age occurs, covering in this period all aspects of subjective development: changes occur in the moral sphere, in terms of puberty, in terms of the development of higher mental functions, in the emotional sphere.

Thus, in the moral sphere, two features should be noted: the revaluation of moral values; stable “autonomous” moral views, judgments and evaluations, independent of random influences.

However, a teenager’s morality is not supported by moral convictions and has not yet formed into a worldview, and therefore can easily change under the influence of peers.

An ideal acts as a condition that increases moral stability. An ideal perceived or created by a child means that he has a constantly operating motive. As the child develops, moral ideals become more generalized and begin to act as a consciously chosen model for behavior. Central new formations: abstract thinking; self-awareness; gender identity; feeling of “adulthood”, revaluation of values, autonomous morality.

L.S. Vygotsky considered the central and specific new formation of this age to be the feeling of adulthood - the emerging idea of ​​oneself as no longer a child. The teenager begins to feel like an adult, strives to be and be considered an adult, which is manifested in views, assessments, behavior, as well as in relationships with peers and adults.

T.V. Dragunova notes the following manifestations in the development of adulthood in a teenager:

· imitation of the external manifestations of adults (the desire to resemble in appearance, to acquire their characteristics, skills and privileges);

· orientation towards the qualities of an adult (the desire to acquire the qualities of an adult, for example, in boys - “real men” - strength, courage, will, etc.);

· an adult as a model of activity (development of social maturity in conditions of cooperation between adults and children, which creates a sense of responsibility, care for other people, etc.);

· intellectual adulthood (the desire to learn something and be able to truly; there is a formation of a dominant direction of cognitive interests, a search for new types and forms of socially significant activities that can create conditions for the self-affirmation of modern adolescents).

Adolescence is considered difficult and critical. This assessment is due to:

Firstly, the numerous qualitative shifts occurring at this time, which sometimes have the character of a radical breakdown of the child’s previous characteristics, interests and relationships; this can happen in a relatively short period of time, is often unexpected and gives the development process a spasmodic, stormy character.

Secondly, the changes that occur are often accompanied, on the one hand, by the appearance of significant subjective difficulties of various kinds in the teenager himself, and on the other, difficulties in his upbringing: the teenager does not succumb to the influence of adults, he develops various forms of disobedience, resistance and protest (stubbornness , rudeness, negativism, obstinacy, isolation, secrecy).

For more than half a century, there has been a theoretical debate about the role of biological and social factors in the emergence of phenomena of critical development in adolescence.

Therefore, comparing himself with an adult, a teenager comes to the conclusion that there is no difference between him and an adult. He begins to demand from those around him that he no longer be considered small; he realizes that he also has rights. The central new development of this age is the emergence of the idea of ​​oneself as “not a child”; the teenager begins to feel like an adult, strives to be and be considered an adult, he rejects his belonging to children, but he still does not have a feeling of genuine, full-fledged adulthood, but there is a huge need for recognition of his adulthood by others.

2. Sphere of communication between teenagers in the family

Adolescence is characterized as a period of “sturm und drang,” internal and external conflicts, during which a person develops a “sense of individuality.”

At this age, typical subjective difficulties arise that children experience and experience, as well as obvious or hidden conflicts specific to this age.

The leading property of adolescence (13 years) is turning inward:

· the teenager becomes more introverted;

· he tends to withdraw into himself, is self-critical and sensitive to criticism;

· Begins to be interested in psychology, is critical of parents;

· becomes more selective in friendship;

· somatic changes intensify already frequent mood swings.

· the teenager is expansive, energetic, sociable, his self-confidence increases, as well as his interest in other people and the differences between them;

· he is fascinated by the word “personality”, loves to discuss and compare himself with others, actively identifies with heroes of cinema and literature, recognizing his own traits in them.

New developments of this age are the growth of the spirit of independence, which makes the teenager’s relationships in the family and at school very tense; the thirst for freedom from external control is combined with an increase in self-control and the beginning of conscious self-education. This increases the teenager’s vulnerability and susceptibility to harmful influences.

At the age of 16, balance sets in again: rebellion gives way to cheerfulness, internal independence, emotional balance, sociability, and focus on the future significantly increase.

Other important features of this age are:

· discovery of the “I”, development of reflection, awareness of one’s own individuality and its properties;

· the emergence of a life plan, an attitude toward consciously building one’s own life;

· gradual integration into various spheres of life.

Sensitive periods and social transitions are often accompanied by psychological tension and restructuring, i.e. age-related crises, which are associated with a state of more or less pronounced conflict.

Normative life crises and the biological or social changes behind them are repeating, natural processes.

Many psychological changes are the result of the accumulation of many small events and impressions over a period of time, rather than one large event, and the potential effect of the cumulative interaction of different types of life events must be taken into account.

The most typical types of conflict situations:

1. Emotional rejection.

Most often, emotional rejection can be expressed in the parents’ indifference to the teenager and little attention to his inner life.

Emotional rejection poses the greatest danger for sensitive children capable of deep affection. They may experience severe suffering - to the point of deep depression, depression, and unwillingness to live.

The consequences of emotional rejection are equally unfavorable for those who are accustomed to being the center of attention of loved ones and suddenly lose it: their father died, a stepfather came into the family, another child appeared, etc.

2. Emotional indulgence.

One of the features that distinguishes such families is that the child is the center of the entire life of adults. It is no coincidence that such upbringing is also called upbringing according to the Family Idol type. The requirements for the child here are often minimal; at best, they are limited to tasks related to learning. The restrictions are mild. Always and in everything, parental control gives way to loving protection.

While caring for an idol, parents do a lot of reckless things: they single him out from the mass of his peers, demonstratively protect him from “offenders,” and emphasize his exclusivity and vulnerability. But the harsh everyday life of modern life puts everything in its place and then the teenager finds himself in a completely different situation, where conflict situations arise.

Education follows the same method as in emotional indulgence, only the authority of the parents comes to the fore. Authoritarian parents take little account of the teenager's individuality. Instead of soft patronage, strict control and strict regulation of behavior are practiced here. The main educational line is manifested in numerous variations of parental pressure.

The abundance of demands and the rigid schedule of life lead to a paradoxical result: even when children obey parental pressure, there is no expected educational effect. Children do not study well, they get distracted in lessons, are absent-minded, and do assignments under pressure.

The failure of such upbringing is usually revealed already with the first actions, indicating that the teenager does not want to be small. But adults, alas, don’t change even then. They see their task only as increasing the dose of the usual means: control and petty supervision. The teenager himself has to become the initiator of the restructuring of relationships. He begins to assert his rights, defend himself with disobedience and protest. If adults remain deaf to these signals. A kind of vicious circle of conflict is created: mutual rejection of demands and unwillingness to give in on something.

From the above, we can conclude that indulgence and manipulation create an atmosphere in the family that prevents the teenager from successfully growing up. The lack of demands and demands that cannot be accepted, low and unrealistically high boundaries of what is permitted and what is not allowed lead to one result: the teenager’s initiative and independence either do not develop at all or find a way out in unhealthy, socially unacceptable forms.

An important practical aspect in the development of a teenager’s personality is the resolution of conflict situations that arise in his life.

Conflicts between parents and their children are very common. The main reasons for them, from adults:

· Insufficient academic performance and bad behavior at school;

· Disobedience at home;

· Neglect of parental advice;

· Differences in fundamental life issues.

From this we can identify some conditions for aggressive behavior of a teenager:

1. Family as a factor in aggressive behavior:

A) the nature of family relationships;

From the point of view of adolescents, six types of parental positions towards adolescents can be distinguished:

· Autocratic - the teenager is subject to the tyranny of demands and prohibitions; he is practically “not allowed to do everything”; not only attempts to decide something on your own, much less act in your own way, but even expressing your own opinion are suppressed.

· Authoritarian - the teenager’s independence is also significantly limited; True, he can take part in the discussion of problems that concern him, but the right to draw conclusions and decide something belongs exclusively to the parents.

· Democratic - adults recognize that in a teenager’s life there are areas where he can act independently.

· Position of equality - adults and adolescents are included in decision-making equally.

· Liberal - the teenager himself determines his circle of friends and chooses activities; The teenager always makes the final decision.

· Position of withdrawal - this type of relationship involves the “divorce” of parents from the teenager, refusal to participate in his life.

B) family leadership style.

From a teenager's point of view, many conflicts arise from parental injustice. They do not take into account the busyness of their children, do not know how to control their bad mood, punish undeservedly, etc.

To overcome such situations, it is necessary to find an alternative to the relationship between parents and teenagers, i.e. help him choose the best course of action and take responsibility for carrying out the decision.

There are certain stages in finding an alternative:

Stage 1. Definition of a contradiction or problem.

1. The parent must be sure that the moment chosen to search for an alternative is successful for both himself and the child. A child, like everyone else, is offended if he is cut off or rejected.

2. A parent should not be afraid to say, “What happened is a problem, and I want you to help solve it.”

In some cases, this stage turns out to be very simple, for example, when choosing clothes. The problem is clear: “Which dress should I buy?” The problem “Does Sonya need a new dress?” becomes less clear. There may be a contradiction here: “Does she need a new dress more than new shoes?” or “Does she need more new dresses or more training sessions that cost money?

Stage 2. Search and development of alternative solutions.

This stage will require the child and parent to analyze different decisions. To start brainstorming, the parent can suggest: “What exactly should we analyze? What ideas do you have about our problem?” or “Two heads are better than one. I'm willing to bet that you and I will come up with some good ideas."

Stage 3. Research, thinking, evaluating alternative solutions.

It is very important at this stage that the parent includes the child in thinking and evaluating various decisions. A parent might say, for example, “What do we think about the decisions we came to?” Decisions are discarded, leaving only those that are acceptable to the child and parent. The parent must honestly express their feelings about the decision. This can be done with a remark like “I won’t be very happy with this option.”

Stage 4. Selecting an alternative and implementing a solution.

Selecting an alternative and implementing a solution will be easier if the remaining stages of exploring alternatives have been completed and there has been an open and honest exchange of views between parent and child.

It should be clear to all participants in the discussion what exactly is required of them and how mutual agreement can be reached. They should constantly address the questions: “Who?”, “What?”, “Where?”, “How?”. For example: “Who is responsible for what? When do we start and when do we finish? How will all this be accomplished?

Conflicts regarding housework and work “responsibilities” can be resolved by asking questions such as: “How often? Which days? What are the evaluation criteria? In bedtime conflicts, parent and child can discuss who should keep track of time, what happens if the child doesn't go to bed on time, etc.

Implementation issues should be discussed only after all participants in the discussion have finally expressed their views on solving the problem. Implementation is usually easier when differences of opinion are resolved.

Stage 5. Choosing the right moment to evaluate the correctness of the decision made.

This stage, which is often forgotten, is actually very important because not all decisions are in the best interests of everyone - parent or child. Therefore, both the child and the parent need to go back and consider how things are going, how much the chosen solution satisfies everyone. The child often agrees to a decision that later turns out to be difficult to implement. It is necessary to check with each other, asking: “How is the implementation of the decision going? Do you still find it satisfactory?”

Sometimes, during the assessment stage, new information appears that requires a revision of the original decision. Evaluation is an important part of the process of finding alternatives. The evaluation will show how successful the solution found was and whether any correction is necessary. Attitudes play an important role in the process of searching for alternatives.

While there may be times when the alternatives research method will not work, make sure you go through every step of the process without missing a beat.

The process of exploring alternatives will only work if both parent and child understand what is required of them.

When building a relationship with your child, it is important to have the ability to listen, respond and explore alternatives. The main goal of each of these skills is to create a child's sense of usefulness and competence. To do this, it is necessary to analyze the question “Who owns the problem?”

Sometimes the problem belongs only to the child or only to the parent, in other cases it is shared between both depending on what one of them wants to achieve from the other, or the problem may concern the family as a whole.

3. Relationships between teenagers and parents

The main problem that teenagers have is the problem of relationships with their parents. During adolescence, the child breaks away from childhood dependence and moves on to relationships that are based on mutual trust, respect and relative but steadily growing equality. In most families, the process is painful and is perceived as challenging behavior.

Adolescence is a time when all family members are tested for social, personal and family maturity. It occurs with crises and conflicts. During this period, all hidden contradictions come to the surface.

This is how the teenager begins to separate from his parents and confront them. The child may become rude, harsh, and criticize parents and other adults. Previously, loved ones did not notice much in the child, they believed in the infallibility of their authority, and now it was as if they were overthrown from the pedestal. This happens because in the eyes of a teenager, the mother and father remain a source of emotional warmth, without which he feels restless. They remain both the authority that administers punishments and rewards, and an example to follow, embodying the best human qualities, and an older friend who can be trusted with everything. But over time, these functions change places.

In this regard, even in prosperous families, a certain difficulty arises in communicating with children of high school age. Moreover, the complexity increases also because parents often do not understand that communication with grown-up children should be structured differently than with little ones. Parents do not always distinguish between what should be prohibited and what should be allowed. All this can create a very difficult situation.

Depending on the prevailing situation in them, all families can be divided into five groups:

1. Families in which there are very close, friendly relationships between parents and children. This atmosphere is favorable for all family members, since parents have the opportunity to influence those aspects of their son or daughter’s life that are only suspected in other families. In such families, parents listen to the opinions of their children in matters of modern music, fashion, etc. And children - to the opinion of loved ones in other, more significant issues. Teenagers raised in such families are usually active, friendly, and independent.

2. Families where there is a friendly atmosphere. Parents monitor the development of their children, are interested in their lives, and try to influence them based on their own cultural capabilities. There are conflicts in these families, but they are open and resolved immediately. They don’t hide anything from parents here; they are trusted. In such families there is a certain distance between the elders and the younger. Children usually grow up polite, friendly, compliant, and obedient. They rarely declare their independence.

3. A large group of families where parents pay sufficient attention to their children’s education and their everyday life, but this is all they do. These guys have everything they need for life: clothes, audio, video equipment, etc. Children in such families have a separate room, but there is expensive furniture, it is arranged strictly and there is no way to move it or rearrange it. “Spreading dirt in the room” is also prohibited. Parents neglect their children's hobbies, and this creates a certain barrier between them. The motto of such parents is: “No worse than others.” The conflict between parents and children is clearly visible. Financial support does not always satisfy the needs of high school students; parents simply do not consider many of these requests worthy of attention.

4. There are families where the child is under surveillance, they do not trust him, and they use assault. In such families there is always a conflict between older children and parents. Sometimes it is hidden, periodically breaking out. Adolescents from such families develop persistent hostility towards their parents, distrust of adults in general, and difficulties in communicating with peers and with the outside world.

5. The situation in these families is critical. There is an abnormal relationship between children and parents here. The atmosphere is tense, antisocial, in such families one or both parents drink. The influence of such a family is detrimental - it is the cause of many crimes among teenagers.

From the above, we can conclude that the position of a high school student in the family is largely determined by the atmosphere prevailing in it. If a teenager feels the love of his parents, they are attentive to him, but not intrusive, then this difficult period of growing up for the child will most likely pass smoothly, without disruptions. And vice versa, if a teenager feels abandoned and useless, then callousness, selfishness, and aggression towards others appear.

If the difficulty in communication between parents and teenagers is obvious, then most likely this is a contradiction between the desire of children to be independent and the desire of parents to see them obedient and dependent, as in childhood. However, this is only the visible part of the iceberg. In fact, during adolescence, “generational” conflicts associated with age distance intensify between parents and children.

The problems that worry a teenager do not represent anything serious for parents, since they have already overcome them and forgotten them. Youth seems to them cloudless and problem-free, that is, an ideal time in which everything is simple and easy. And what is important for parents, what they would like to warn their children about, these children do not care about at all. They are still far from the responsibility of 35-45 year olds, and from experience, hopes, and quests.

Adults and children also disagree about who to be friends with, what profession to choose, whether modern music, cinema, fashion, etc. are good. And this is no coincidence. My parents grew up in different conditions. They are very busy worrying about their teenage children.

Children behave defiantly. They believe that “ancestors” are people who have everything behind them. They are irritated by the backward tastes of their parents. And close adults become a “mechanism” for ensuring needs and limiting freedom.

As a result, contact and respect are lost. Barricades are built and revolutionary actions take place. This makes everyone uncomfortable. Who should take the first step towards reconciliation? In most cases - parents. They are wiser and have more experience communicating. Adults should always remember that teenagers want to see friends in their parents who will help solve problems of self-awareness and self-determination. It may be impossible to do this on your own; a feeling of hopelessness appears, and not from a lack of information, but from a lack of mutual understanding and sympathy.

Moreover, it is often easier for boys and girls to talk about problems with an adult than with a peer. It is easier to show helplessness, weakness, and insecurity in front of parents. Unless, of course, there is emotional tension in the family. If this tension is present, conflicts cannot be avoided.

What do parents most often complain about to a psychologist? Yes, of course, for smoking, for the fact that the son or daughter does not want to do anything or know anything except modern music, or girls (boys) are not interested, they turned their room into a stable and do not allow them to clean it, etc.

What about teenagers? Yes, also to things that have long been known: to the fact that parents do not want to take into account the fact that they are already adults, to petty nagging, injustice, the desire to constantly control what they are doing, with whom and for how long they talk on the phone, etc. .

The reason for these conflicts in psychology has been known for a long time and has been described many times: this is the development of a teenager’s sense of adulthood, his desire for independence. This aspiration uniquely combines two aspirations. Firstly, simply a “bare” assertion of one’s right to a certain equality with adults. Secondly, on the content that determines this equal status: activities, time that should be allocated for certain activities and the time of coming home, choosing friends, talking on the phone, doing household chores, etc., etc. etc. Usually parents believe that they are the only ones who are very worried about these disagreements, but for a teenager everything is “like water off a duck’s back.” But that's not true. Although appeals to a psychologist about this between children most often actually come from parents, conversations with teenagers convince us that they are very worried about the confrontation that arises, domestic scandals, etc.

But these complaints, with minor variations, have been repeated for many, many years. The only difference is in the details - they used to complain about the fact that a teenager listens to “The Beatles” or “The Time Machine” all day long, and today these former teenagers who became parents complain about their son’s passion for “rave”, “trash” or some other style of modern music. music.

But still, the main complaints today, as yesterday, are mutual complaints among teenagers about misunderstanding, about unwillingness and inability to understand each other.

At the same time, special studies show that these complaints and claims are in many ways quite fair.

Interesting data is provided in the study by G. A. Tsukerman. The teenagers were asked to make a number of statements about the psychology of children of this age. He had to evaluate how correct they were.

Quote: “Teenagers are born rebels. They want to arrange the world in their own way: more justly and with dignity. They resist any violence, rebel against any injustice, try to insist on their own,” the schoolchildren considered absolutely correct, but the parents considered it absolutely wrong. The same applied to the statements: “Teenagers feel a lack of respect from adults. They want more equal relationships with adults” and “Teenagers are constantly in conflict with their parents. At home, scandals, quarrels, and irritations break out every now and then.” But both adults and teenagers themselves tend to agree with the idea of ​​teenagers as people who want to have the rights, but not the responsibilities, of an adult. At least the saying “Teenagers are irresponsible creatures. They want to have all the rights (like adults) and no responsibilities (like children),” both of them assess it as quite fair.

Despite the fact that teenagers and parents have different views on the causes and manifestations of emerging conflicts, what was dubbed “teenage rebellion” in psychological literature almost 100 years ago. But at the same time, the understanding of such a “rebellion” as a struggle for the rights, and not for the responsibilities of an adult, is equally recognized by both schoolchildren and adults.

Different visions of the world and a teenager’s experience of the inability to explain anything to adults often lead to manifestations of teenage lies. It is connected with the fact that the teenager himself is still quite poorly aware of the real motives of his behavior; he seems to feel the inner rightness of his actions, but does not have the words to explain this to others. Hence, by the way, affective outbursts, sudden isolation, withdrawal into oneself in response to requests to explain the reasons for one’s behavior. Such cases today are no less frequent than ordinary lies caused by fear of punishment.

Often, a teenager’s lies are caused by a clash between what peers expect from a student and the demands of adults. Peers are known to be very important to teenagers. Whether parents like it or not, as they grow older, peers begin to play an increasingly prominent role in a person’s life. It is also understood differently by adolescents and adults. Friendship is the main thing that characterizes them in life - most teenagers agreed, but very few adults agreed. And the statement “Teenagers constantly think about how other people evaluate them” is considered fair by both. But with the statement “Teenagers adopt the views and manners of their company; they are embarrassed to be different from everyone else,” teenagers agree very reluctantly, but almost all adults consider them faithful.

Both the work of psychologists and the work of psychiatrists testify: those people who do not have friends in adolescence communicate mainly with adults; in adolescence and adulthood they often experience difficulties in relationships with people, and not only personal relationships, but also professional ones. Neuroses, behavioral disorders, and a tendency to commit crimes are also most often found in people who experienced difficulties in relationships with peers in childhood and adolescence. Full communication with peers in adolescence is significant for maintaining mental health even after 11 years, and even more significant than what mental development, academic success, and relationships with teachers were during the same period.

That is why victory in a fight with a teenager’s friends is so harmful, no matter how good reasons it is dictated. And if we talk about today, then victory in this struggle not only leads to the deprivation of a teenager of a very significant side of life, not only to a protracted conflict, but also to lies, which parents often complain about.

It is very important for a teenager to do many things like their peers and meet their expectations. But such behavior often differs from what adults expect or demand from him. Resolving this very serious and complex conflict for himself, the teenager behaves the way his peers want, but fearing punishment, or (more often) not wanting to upset adults, or (even more often) in order to avoid boring conversations, he deceives his parents. And often he finds a kind of compromise, deceiving both of them, which outwardly gives the impression of a “pathological lie,” since the impression arises that the teenager lies everywhere, constantly and, most importantly, aimlessly.

In an even more vivid form, the demand for equality of rights and the “right to parents” is manifested in the peculiar jealousy of children towards the cares of adults about themselves - towards the purchase of certain things, entertainment, friends, etc... These complaints are expressed in statements from adults like: “ She can't stand it when I buy something for myself or sew something for myself. Sometimes I even hide new things from her, but she still finds it and makes a scandal,” “He thinks that only he should have fun, but we have nothing to do with it.” “Imagine, my daughter said so - it’s me who should fall in love. And why do you need it? You already had a husband and a child.” And here are teenagers’ statements about this: “I asked for a new jacket, they say there is no money, but they bought my mother such expensive beads. She already has beads” and “They tell me that I talk on the phone a lot, and as soon as my mother starts talking to her friends, nothing can stop her, don’t ask.” “They tell me that computer games are mind-numbing, but my father plays all the evenings. And he’s not a child.”

Such an assertion of one’s “right to an adult,” to be first and foremost a parent, completely absorbed in his child, is often a source of conflict between adolescents and parents. From the latter you can often hear complaints that children are selfish, they believe that their parents should no longer have their own lives, etc.

These are based on a kind of teenage jealousy, which combines defending their rights to their parents, so that they, first of all, remain parents busy with their child, and at the same time - some prerogatives of their own age. At the same time, the verification of his right to protection and patronage of an adult, that he will continue to be looked after and protected as a child, turns out to be the most acute and painful.

Therefore, it is important to discuss these issues with teenagers, it is important to show them that adults, including their parents, have the right to their own lives, that they have rights and responsibilities not only in relation to their children, but also in relation to themselves.

The described jealousy intensifies to a certain extent due to a peculiar crisis in the external expressions of love, affection, adolescents and adults. It is known that children, like adults, are quite different in open expression of feelings, hugs, kisses, affectionate words; some begin to resist such expressions of relationships quite early. Adolescents show a clear rejection of such forms of expressing love for their parents. They have no other forms of expressing affection. Parents, for their part, also begin to feel a certain awkwardness, expressing their love for a teenager in old forms, and often do not know how to express it differently. Thus, both those and others lack the means of expressing actual needs, which in itself contributes to some tension. More important, however, is another consequence - that both begin to doubt each other’s love (which is largely facilitated by quarrels and conflicts on various occasions). This is evidenced by the following statements from parents: “He was so affectionate, gentle, but now, it seems to me, he has moved away from us, he treats us completely differently than before,” “Sometimes she is like a child, and it seems that everything is fine between us.” , and sometimes he’ll look at you in such a way that you immediately understand everything, our relationship is over.” Teenagers, in turn, also often express doubts about their parents’ love: “When I was little, they, of course, loved me. Now too, but somehow not so much. They have their own affairs, friends, work. They don't seem to need me very much. No, if I get sick or break my leg, of course they will worry. But not all the time,” “They say they love me with a “demanding love.” And what kind of love is this?”, “They probably love me, but more I “annoy” them in the sense of irritating them.” The “feeling of jealousy” is also associated with this. In situations where positive feelings do not have adequate means of expression and when everyday life is full of the already mentioned “petty” conflicts, the desire to “test” this love in the form of “childish jealousy”, asserting one’s exclusive right to one’s parents remains almost the only way. The teenager acts here like a wife who doubts whether her husband still loves her, does not believe his words, does not know how to check, and therefore is capricious.

Small and large conflicts, quarrels between teenagers and adults are constant sources of tension and stress - for both. Tension accumulates in the family, it intensifies, it unwinds, and it becomes more and more difficult to find a way out. What happens is what psychologists call some the “vicious psychological circle” and some the “Ferris wheel.” In everyday life they say simply - “Got stuck.”

This means that both parents and teenagers are constantly tense, make a lot of mistakes, and constantly have breakdowns. Stress arises in the child-parent relationship and, as a consequence of his illness, disorders. Let us list the main triggers of this stress. Firstly, a struggle, during which it must become clear who among us is the boss and whose opinions and tastes must be taken into account in the first place. In other words, a struggle of egos, a struggle for self-affirmation, power. Secondly, the eternal question of who is supposed to meet whom and who is to reckon with whom - children with parents or parents with children. And finally, thirdly - mutual accusations and reproaches.

Teenagers do not need boring lectures and annoying teachings, but sincere, intimate conversations, useful, clear, deeply thought-out logical argumentation, and most importantly, the organization of correct moral experience that convinces them of the justice of moral standards and the need to follow them in everyday life.

The fact that, essentially, throughout adolescence, the need of adolescents for adults, especially parents, to recognize them as equal partners in communication, turns out to be unsatisfied, gives rise to numerous and varied conflicts between the adolescent and his parents. This is especially acute in older teenage classes, where students experience a great need to communicate with adults “on an equal footing.”

Adults, seeing a teenager growing up, most often notice only its negative aspects in this process: the teenager has become “disobedient”, “secretive”, etc. etc. - and completely do not notice the sprouts of the positive, new. One of these germs is the development in adolescence of the desire to help adults, support, share their grief or joy.

Many modern problems associated with raising teenagers stem from the fact that adults only try to give something to a teenager, not wanting, and not being able, to take anything. But only through real manifestations of kindness, sympathy, and empathy can these important and so scarce personal qualities develop today.

Conclusion

This work examined the problem of relations between a teenager and his parents in the family, which is especially relevant in our time due to the accelerating pace of modern life, with the ever-increasing responsibility and rigidity of social role prescriptions.

The problem of the relationship between adolescents and parents has always been and remains relevant.

A person’s age is one of the main criteria of his mental life and character traits. Depending on age, a person perceives various life situations differently.

Age is usually divided into different periods. In general, the following age periods can be distinguished in a person’s life: childhood, adolescence, maturity and old age. Each of these periods can be divided into smaller and more precise age stages. Age is of particular importance in childhood, because At this moment, the basic personality traits are formed.

Developmental psychology studies the age-related characteristics of the human psyche and distortions of psychological age.

Adolescence is a difficult period of puberty and psychological maturation. At this time, significant changes occur in self-awareness: a feeling of adulthood appears, a feeling of being an adult; it becomes the central neoplasm of early adolescence.

The most important and most tense relationship during this period is the teenager’s relationship with his parents. The severity of the situation here is due, on the one hand, to economic dependence and other forms of dependence on parents, and on the other hand, to the desire to gain independence, the growing need for independence. In relations with his parents, the teenager is placed in rather difficult conditions: on the one hand, he is engaged in the formation of his own individuality, on the other, in connection with his new position, he is establishing new connections with his parents. This contradiction in the relationship between a teenager and an adult is characteristic of adolescence.

The relationship between a teenager and his parents and the conflict in these relationships, associated with the young person’s desire to free himself from parental care and control, depends on many factors. These are, firstly, conditions related to the financial situation of the family, its psychological atmosphere, parenting style, level of education, social status and occupation of the parents. Secondly, the individual characteristics of the boy and girl that had formed by this time.

The problem of relationships between parents and children has existed at all times. But the most tense relationships are inherent precisely in adolescence, when the child experiences a puberty crisis associated with puberty and psychological maturation. During this period, the teenager strives to be independent from adults, to free himself from their guardianship and control.

Therefore, a teenager is characterized by conflict in relationships with his parents. But, despite the conflicts that occur, most teenagers still characterize family relationships as warm, flexible, and associated with the experience of positive emotions. In general, ideas about serious conflict in relationships between adolescents and parents seem to be greatly exaggerated.

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The main institution of socialization of children and adolescents is the family, and the most significant adults are parents. Parents for children and adolescents they perform a lot of important psychological functions:

1. A source of emotional warmth and support;
2. Directive authority, administrators of life's benefits, punishments and rewards;
3. Role model;
4. Source of life experience.

The main feature of relationships between adolescents and adults is their extreme inconsistency.

On the one hand, the emergence of a “sense of adulthood” in a teenager, as already noted, leads to the emergence of desire for autonomy and independence and recognition by others of his right to be independent. In relationships with adults, this desire manifests itself in the form of emancipation, teenagers’ protest against guardianship and control by adults, against being treated “like a little child”: from a position of subordination to elders, a teenager strives to move to a position of equality. It is on this basis that conflicts between adolescents and parents most often arise, adolescents’ alienation from adults, a critical attitude towards them, and opposition to adults. “The teenager begins to resist demands that he previously willingly complied with; he is offended and protests when his independence is limited and, in general, as a “little one,” he is looked after, directed, controlled, demanded obedience, punished, and his interests, relationships, opinions, etc. are not taken into account. The teenager develops a heightened sense of self-esteem; he recognizes himself as a person who cannot be suppressed, humiliated, or deprived of the right to independence. The type of relationship with adults that existed in childhood (reflecting the child’s unequal position in the world of adults) becomes unacceptable for him and does not correspond to his idea of ​​the level of his own adulthood. ... Various forms of protest and disobedience of a teenager are a means of changing the previous type of relationship with adults to a new one, specific for communication between adults.”

On the other hand, a teenager, feeling himself to be the same member of society and family as adults, strives for equal relations with parents. The teenager’s sense of adulthood also leads to the fact that “the adult loses the function of a teacher with unconditional authority, and, willingly or unwillingly, acquires the function of a partner subject to evaluation.” But in order to establish such relationships, the teenager continues to largely rely on adults, and he views equality as an introduction to the already existing world of adults. Therefore, as already noted, often a teenager’s desire to become an adult himself is manifested in his imitation of the behavior of the adults around him.

On the third hand, the teenager retains an acute need for love, attention, protection, help and support from parents. Without such support, adolescents feel weak, helpless and unprotected. In adolescence, emotional support from parents “is especially important because the teenager enters a phase of intensive formation of the self-concept, often accompanied by conflicting experiences, polar assessments, an acute sense of inferiority, and the inability to respond adequately and constructively to failures. In these conditions, it is the family that is able to provide a basic sense of security, being a source of constant optimistic support that instills confidence in the teenager in his own abilities, a source of a calm, balanced assessment of the teenager’s qualities, and helping to reduce the feeling of anxiety that arises in the teenager in new or stressful situations.”

From the adults As a rule, the same attitude towards the teenager as a child is maintained. The teenager continues to remain a schoolchild, to be completely financially dependent on his parents; many of the teenager’s traits remain childish and immature. In addition, adults also retain the habit of directing and controlling the child. Therefore, most parents do not notice the need to change their attitude towards him. However, such a need exists, because a teenager is approaching adulthood, and the task of adults is to help him make this gradual transition from childhood to adulthood and be ready for adulthood.

Typically, teenagers, driven by a sense of adulthood, themselves take the initiative to change their parents’ attitude towards them. Parents' task– do not ignore the teenager’s demands, but help him become an adult and independent.

If this does not happen, problems arise in the relationship between an adult and a teenager. conflicts: “An adult’s resistance causes a response in a teenager in the form of various forms of disobedience and protest. ... If this situation persists, the breakdown of previous relationships can drag on throughout adolescence and take the form of a chronic conflict. ... The conflict can continue until the adult changes his relationship with the teenager. ... The conflict is a consequence of the inability or unwillingness of an adult to find a new place for a teenager next to him. ... It is necessary to find a degree of independence that would correspond to the teenager’s capabilities, social requirements for him and allow an adult to guide him and influence him.”

Thus, Conflicts between teenagers and adults are not inevitable: “disobedience, self-will, negativism, stubbornness are by no means obligatory character traits of a teenager. Only as a consequence of an incorrect approach to a teenager, when his psychological characteristics are not taken into account, sometimes conflicts and crises arise, which are in no way fatal.”

Optimal position of parents in relation to adolescents, cooperation is considered: “relationships between them are built according to a certain type of adult relationships - friendly - or have the form of meaningful cooperation with their characteristic norms of mutual respect, help and trust. In the process of cooperation, new ways of social interaction between a teenager and an adult emerge, the moral and ethical content of which meets the task of developing the social adulthood of a teenager and his new requirements for the nature of relationships with adults. It is cooperation that allows an adult to put a teenager in a new position - his assistant and comrade in various matters and activities, and himself to become a model and friend for him. It is precisely such relationships that are subjectively necessary for a teenager and objectively necessary for his upbringing.”

It should be emphasized that even in conditions of a suboptimal position of adults, in the presence of conflicts in the relationship between adolescents and parents, “ most parents continue to influence their grown children, who in most cases retain love, devotion and respect for their parents» .

Despite the fact that communication with peers is the leading activity of adolescents, Relationships with parents are no less important for teenagers than relationships with peers: “In the most important way, children still inherit the values ​​of their parents. The “spheres of influence” of parents and peers are delimited. Usually, attitudes towards fundamental aspects of social life are passed on from parents. They consult with peers on “momentary” issues.” This pattern is confirmed by the results of empirical research: “Thus, in one study by German psychologists it was shown that in problem situations, the most emotionally close, trusted person for a teenager is primarily the mother... In another study, carried out on a domestic sample, high school students ranked who they were with would prefer to spend their free time - with parents, with friends, in the company of peers of the same sex, in mixed company, etc. Parents were in last (sixth) place for boys, and in fourth place for girls. However, answering the question: “Who would you consult with in a difficult everyday situation?” – both of them put their mother first. ... In other words, as I.S. noted regarding these results. Con, it’s nice to have fun with friends, but in difficult times it’s better to turn to your mother. Recent data obtained from samples of modern adolescents, boys and girls confirm this trend.”

In the same time modern families in 90% of cases they are characterized by a rather unfavorable psychological climate, in 70% of cases - by pronounced defects in upbringing. According to the results of modern research, the attitude of parents towards teenagers is mainly indifferent, it is characterized by a low level of requirements and control, which are replaced by severity and sanctions only in cases of “emergency situations”; characteristic is the detachment of parents, especially fathers, from raising children and adolescents. This is due to the lack of generally accepted ideology in modern society and the increased employment of parents.

As a result The needs of modern teenagers for love and emotional support from family are unmet. And the failure to satisfy such important needs, in turn, leads to disruption of psychological development and socialization of adolescents: “At the international symposium “Street Children” in St. Petersburg in 1998, teacher and psychologist A.A. Rean said: “Research has shown that the vast majority of difficult children and adolescents have one of the fundamental human needs blocked - the need for respect, acceptance and love. It’s easy to see how important it is; it’s one of the five basic ones, along with physiological (food, drink, sleep, etc.) and the need for safety. A school or family that blocks the opportunity to satisfy a child’s need for acceptance and respect “pushes” him out onto the street.” ... It seems that Russian society has blocked the ability for empathy, cooperation and self-organization in such an important area for society as support from the World of Adults - the World of Childhood.”