Each age comes with its own characteristics. And, of course, with their diseases. Doctors advise: solve problems before they arise

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Scientists have calculated that by 2010, every fifth person in Russia will reach retirement age. This means he will be considered elderly. And he will automatically face a whole range of new obstacles: from clever scammers seeking to profit from old age, to family neglect and a whole “bouquet” of diseases. The most common of which, believe it or not, is depression. Therefore, consultations with psychiatrists are becoming no less relevant than going to a therapist or cardiologist.

How to communicate correctly with elderly relatives? Is it possible to distinguish a simple whim from a serious illness? In what cases should you definitely consult a doctor? How to maintain mental health at any age?

These and other questions from our readers on the “Direct Line” “KP” were answered by the head of the psychosomatic department of the Kemerovo Regional Clinical Psychiatric Hospital, Irina Petrovna SHAMOVA, and the head of the general psychiatric department with solutions to social issues, Yana Vladimirovna ONEGOVA.

The cure for loneliness

Good afternoon "Straight line"? Please tell me how to explain the sudden change in behavior in an elderly person? Our grandmother very strictly monitors who returns and at what time, who goes to visit whom, sometimes she even interrogates the neighbors next door. But he opens them to social service workers or postmen without thinking, and doesn’t even ask for documents. We have been lucky so far, but you yourself know: there are a lot of cases of fraud now! How can suspicion and gullibility be combined in one person? My husband insists on going to the doctor, but I still doubt it... Maybe this is just a feature of age? She's 65.

- Irina Shamova: Apparently your mother has always been a controller by nature? And you always reported to her?

- Exactly!

- Irina Shamova: And in old age these character traits sharpen. This cannot be changed.

- Yana Onegova: As for the second feature: in old age, vigilance is lost, so people become gullible. The next step is memory problems - and then older people need someone to be with them all the time. If you are at work all day, ask neighbors to look after you or, if possible, hire a caregiver. But people alone cannot be left in this state. Just as it is undesirable to let them go out alone, even to the nearest store, because they can easily get lost.

In cases where a family cannot constantly take care of their elderly relative, our department steps in: we help decide on a social care institution, in other words, we provide all the necessary medical support and prepare documents for a specialized boarding home. True, this is not easy now - more and more families want to relieve themselves of the burden of responsibility, so there is a waiting list for places in boarding schools. Sometimes a person waits for his turn for years.

We are ready to take care of ourselves, but sometimes our grandmother's behavior is simply unbearable. Can psychiatrists help not only her, but also us? It's mostly us who suffer.

- Irina Shamova: As soon as the behavior becomes unbearable, bring her to see a specialist for a conversation. Perhaps the doctor will discover some diseases that provoke this behavior. For example, pressure changes may well change your character for the worse.

- Yana Onegova: Or come to our dispensary on the street. Volgogradskaya, 41. We have a specialist gerontologist, Marina Aleksandrovna Brusenskaya. She deals not only with the problems of older people, but also works with relatives.

- How can I convince my grandmother to go to the hospital?

- Irina Shamova: In a soft form. Tell her that psychiatry is not at all scary now, that people address their problems regularly and that it is a sign of civilization to solve a problem with the help of a specialist. And if she doesn’t listen, just say that, due to her age, it would be nice for her to have her atherosclerosis, memory, and nervous system treated - she will probably agree to this.

Hello, my name is Elena, I’m calling from Kemerovo. I have noticed more than once that depression worsens in older people. My mother is 63, she spends a lot of time alone because she lives in her own house. For joy - just a vegetable garden and a cat and dog. Sometimes he complains about poor sleep. How can I help her avoid age-related depression? Maybe there are some special medications? Maybe something to keep her busy?

Irina Shamova: You can take her to a doctor at a clinic or psychiatric hospital if her mother lives in the city. Tell us about all your complaints, and you will be given advice that is appropriate to your situation. If mom wants to get treatment, we have a hospital for patients with mild depression and sleep disorders.

- What can I do myself, if not a specialist?

Irina Shamova: Give her more attention. Because this is exactly what older people expect from children: attention and warmth. The main cause of depression in older people is loneliness. Even with children and grandchildren. And, as a rule, when they come to us, they talk about it.

Can't they hear you? Change your tactics!

Good afternoon, Marina is bothering you. I myself am approaching old age - and I really don’t want to change! I observe people and see how, with age, a person loses his personal qualities and acquires previously uncharacteristic traits. Or his negative traits that were there before are exaggerated. I understand that no one can avoid old age. But I really want to remain myself, and not become petty or grouchy. Maybe there are some preventative measures that will help maintain mental health: for example, training or medications?

Irina Shamova: First, analyze your relatives to see if there were people among them with changes that were unpleasant to you. If yes, you have cause for concern. But I hear that you are a very critical person, so such changes are unlikely to affect you. However, for prevention, you can take anti-sclerotic or vascular drugs. It is best to start by making an appointment with a doctor: after all, you may have some physical diseases, so not all medications will suit you. In general, the arsenal of medicines for older people today is very wide - the doctor will certainly find something that is right for you.

Is it possible to correct such behavior in very elderly people? I often argue with my parents and have never been able to convince them of anything. They always stand their ground. Friends advise giving up...

Yana Onegova: If their behavior does not bother anyone, leave them their usual way of life. In old age, people experience change very painfully and are always inclined to resist.

They don't harm anyone, only themselves. For example, they do extra and completely unnecessary work. But we could live easier, more calmly... I want to help them, but they don’t listen. As a result: we always fight.

Yana Onegova: And you change tactics. Communicate in a soft manner. Praise them for everything they do: even if, in your opinion, no one needs it. And then note: because of this, my health deteriorated. And tell them to take care of themselves. Then they will not react negatively to your comments.

- Thank you!

Hello, my name is Tatyana. Lately it’s been very difficult for me to communicate with my mother, and all because she is easily carried away by different ideas. Now she is addicted to drugs. It seems to her: the more pills she takes, the healthier she will be. How can I convince her that this is harmful? She doesn’t listen to me, I’m not a doctor...

Irina Shamova: So you can connect a doctor! It is necessary to convey to the mother that in small doses medications are beneficial, but in large doses they act as poison. Go to see a therapist together, after first explaining to the doctor the essence of the problem. Let him tell his mother everything that you are trying to convey. There is a high probability that she will listen to the doctor. And he will only take what is prescribed.

Good afternoon We have a fairly typical problem: a neighbor on the first floor feeds pigeons directly from the window. Moreover, this is argued by the love of animals. I can imagine this is her way of escaping loneliness. She lives alone, there are no relatives. I don’t want to complain anywhere: she is a kind, good, sunny person. But also put up with her habits - after all, many have children! Please advise how to properly talk to such people?

Yana Onegova: If other arguments don’t help, but you don’t want to complain, try an unconventional move: for example, organize the children from your building so that they become Timurovites for a while. Let them make bird feeders and hang them in the yard. This way, you can take care of your neighbor, and she can take care of her birds in a specially designated area. Thus, you will do two good deeds at once.

- Great idea, thank you!

Why you need to help the elderly.

There are many elderly people in our country. All sorts of sources and statistics talk about this, but everything is clear even without numbers. Judging by the way most of them live, it seems that the state did not at all expect to provide them with a decent, or at least close to normal, life. The pension is small, and there are practically no benefits left. Those who have children and relatives are luckier: they are not alone, there are those who will take care of them. However, there are many for whom a dog or a cat is the closest thing to them, but they can hardly be called helpers...

The tree is heavily rooted

Lately, we have somehow forgotten about the most important thing - mutual assistance, respect and veneration for elders, about such feelings as sincerity, selflessness, gratitude. In general, about the human, the eternal - about the soul. Most people strive to live for today, earn a lot of money, without looking back at anything, think only about their own good. But can a tree live without roots? Certainly not.

Today, many charitable organizations are very willing to help orphans, abandoned, and seriously ill children, while at the same time forgetting about elderly people who need such help no less. Why is this happening? Psychologists say that this is the so-called fear of old age: in people’s minds it is associated with something negative. People do not notice the problems of the elderly in order to deliberately distance themselves from this “terrible” old age. Old people feel it... And this feeling of being an outcast is even worse than illness and lack of money. But do we have the moral right not to notice anything and to abstract ourselves?! No, friends. We must help the elderly. There is no one else but us.

Why do you need help?

So, you need to start by dispelling doubts in yourself once and for all about the need for any help for an elderly person. Some people wonder: why is it necessary to help the elderly at all? First of all, it is surprising that such a question arises in principle.

If only because in Russia there is simply no one to help a huge number of elderly people: according to 2012 statistics, a quarter of elderly people are lonely. Very often, old age is associated with illness, poverty, and the inability to take care of oneself. And another obvious problem of lonely people is loneliness itself, lack of attention and ordinary human communication. Each of us can help in some way, and just one smile from an elderly person is already so much! We have compiled a short guide for those who would like to help, but do not know where to start.

How you can help

However, you can also provide the simplest, but much-needed help, which will consist of attention to the person. For example, start corresponding with people living in nursing homes. At first glance it seems that this is very simple and not so important, but in reality everything is different. Yes, it is not difficult to send one letter, succumbing to a momentary impulse of altruism, but it is much more difficult to constantly maintain correspondence with a stranger. Finding information about such houses is easy: it is freely available on the Internet.

What to talk about?

Yes about absolutely everything. Just start talking about yourself: who you are, what you do and are interested in, what music you listen to, what books you read. Ask about the tastes and preferences of your interlocutor. Turn to his experience and wisdom, ask for advice on what to do in a given life situation. And even if you don’t listen very carefully to his recommendations, an elderly person will be extremely pleased to feel needed. Psychologists recommend attaching a photo of yourself to the first letter.

However, let's leave the letters aside. Look outside, into the courtyard of your house. Surely you will see a bored pensioner on a bench. Go up to him, just say hello, talk about this and that, listen to him. Believe me, for him this will be a good memory of the past day.

What you can't talk about

Remember the main rule: the best is the enemy of the good, or, in other words, do no harm. Of course, there are topics that are better not touched upon. There are no special recommendations in this matter. You just need to listen to your heart and be guided by culture, respect and a sense of tact. For example, if a person has recently lost his soulmate, you should not constantly tell him about your happy love. He will certainly be happy for you, but frustration and bitterness of loss will take over.

If you take up correspondence, keep in mind that they will not always answer you: many older people find it difficult to write.

Active help

If reasoning, communicating and writing letters are not your thing or you simply don’t have time for it, there are other options for helping older people. For example, you can contact specialized funds and become a volunteer. There is always a need for those who are ready to talk to old people, sing with a guitar for them, take them for a walk (many cannot walk and therefore have not been outside for years) or simply drive a car. The most important thing is to want to help, and you will certainly find something to do.

Again, returning to what and who surrounds us. Doing a good deed for an elderly person is much easier than it seems. No matter how trivial it may sound, it is unlikely that anyone will refuse help in buying groceries and delivering them to their apartment. Clean up the apartment? They will be very grateful! Helping people get to monuments and those places that they themselves are not able to reach is also a good thing. In general, if you want, you can always find an area to apply your sincerity.

I want to help with money

Let’s say you don’t have time for business or even conversation, but you want to help and have the opportunity. What to do and where, in fact, to donate funds?

First of all, you can transfer money to the same specialized organizations and funds, the details of which can easily be found on the Internet. They have different forms for transferring funds, so it will be a matter of five minutes. Whatever fund you transfer money to, remember: it is better to donate modest amounts (literally 100 rubles each), but regularly. Then philanthropists will be able to plan their budget, and the help will become permanent.

Meanwhile, many of us are haunted by the doubt that the money sent will not reach the recipients. It’s such a painful time today—not supported by moral principles. What can be done? Help with food, things, and goods needed by older people.

As for doubts about the organizations accepting charity, before sending any amounts, read how to understand whether to trust a particular company. The general and most important rule is this: everything should be transparent.

Now about the necessary things: in many institutions there are not enough diapers, medicines, nappies, hygiene products and other things. And the bed linen is most often so washed that lying on it is unpleasant. Complete lists of needed items are also available on almost all charity websites.

Instead of an afterword

Unfortunately, it so happens that in our country the most vulnerable group of citizens today are the elderly - especially the lonely, frail, and seriously ill. Respect for them is perhaps one of the most important principles of humanity and morality. Therefore, it is very important not to turn away from their problems, not to turn a blind eye, but to help - completely and unselfishly. You will be rewarded, have no doubt. What is a small thing for us becomes a great value for the elderly. And it takes very little - to be a little more attentive, kinder, nobler. It's simple. But it's very important.

Tasha Berezhnaya.

When thinking about old age, the last thing we dream of is being alone. In practice, everything often turns out exactly like this: elderly people, forgotten by their children and grandchildren, are often forced to spend days on end alone with themselves. It is not surprising that many of them suffer from deep loneliness, against the background of which diseases develop, sometimes fatal. How can you help a person and rid him of this feeling?

What does constant loneliness lead to in adulthood?

Not all residents of inexpensive nursing homes feel abandoned. But those who are unlucky with relatives and who are not spoiled by their visits sooner or later withdraw into themselves, cease to be interested in the outside world and feel their own uselessness. For example, a new hobby can help bring back your zest for life. It is good if, even before retirement, a person has a clear idea of ​​what he plans to do if he is left without work.

Having hobbies and like-minded interlocutors will help you develop a positive attitude towards the world around you during this difficult period of life, experience optimism and learn to deal with melancholy. One can only sympathize with those who did not manage to find their place in the sun in retirement, who did not have hobbies and interlocutors: in addition to the feeling of loneliness, they face serious health problems and no positive prospects.

What are the reasons for loneliness in older people?

• Death of a loved one, such as a spouse. After this event, you can plunge into despondency for a long time and never get out of this state. For some, the emotional background is accompanied by a desire to leave this world after the departed.
• Changing of the living place also causes unpleasant feelings. Finding yourself in even the best paid boarding house for the elderly without the support of relatives, a person feels empty and loses his zest for life. The same thing happens if he moves to live outside the city after a busy life in the metropolis.
• Retirement. With the beginning of a new stage of life, a person does not know what to do and feels unclaimed.
• Communication exclusively with old friends and relatives the same age. If after retirement a person does not make new acquaintances, it may seem to him that life has stopped, and then loneliness is just a stone's throw away.
• Reluctance of relatives to maintain contacts also inclines to dark thoughts.
• Serious illnesses and other health problems, which we now often have to deal with on our own, only add fuel to the fire.

How to help?

Of course, attention and care for older people will somewhat change the situation for the better, but sometimes this is not enough. New acquaintances, new impressions and pleasant communication “on the side” will help to establish a favorable emotional background. The interlocutors can be either equally lonely neighbors or visitors to hobby clubs. The main thing is not to scare off a person as they get older, because at this age people become fearful and very conservative. Not every one of them is open to new acquaintances.

If a person does not reject technical innovations, perhaps the Internet will help him cope with loneliness: with the help of the World Wide Web it is much easier to organize acquaintances and simply communicate. Take time to find something he likes to do besides watching TV shows. A hobby should use your hands or brain, that is, be active. Offer your mother or father crossword puzzles, knitting, cooking interesting dishes - take an active part in their fate, and they will never feel lonely!

The Easter Gift festival will continue in the capital until April 15. This year, charitable organizations are actively participating in it. the site spoke with Alla Romanovskaya, a representative of the Old Age in Joy Foundation, and found out how ordinary Muscovites can help lonely elderly people.

The “Old Age in Joy” Foundation has existed since 2007. Initially, it was a volunteer community of people who decided to help lonely pensioners in nursing homes throughout Russia. In 2011, a charitable foundation grew out of the movement. Now under his patronage there are about 200 institutions in more than 20 regions of the country.

Every week, the foundation’s volunteers go to nursing homes and visit their residents, collecting funds to purchase medicines, equipment, organize repairs and holidays. They do everything so that older people do not feel lonely. Alla Romanovskaya, a representative of the “Old Age in Joy” foundation, spoke about the work of the foundation, plans for the festival and the coming year, as well as the fact that each of us has a desire to do good.

Speaking and showing

— The “Old Age in Joy” Foundation is a participant in the “Easter Gift” festival, what have you planned?

— In general, this is not the first time we have participated in city events. “The Easter gift” is an opportunity for us to talk more about helping older people and to attract more people to our work. Our foundation will work at the festival sites for two days: April 11 - on Profsoyuznaya Street, and on April 13 - on Revolution Square.

It will be possible to bring things to the stand for grandparents living in nursing homes (the list can be viewed on the website). These could be new T-shirts for grandfathers, new bathrobes for grandmothers, soft sweets (marshmallows, marshmallows, diabetic sweets), and creative products. In fact, you can get creative right on the site: we will hold master classes on egg painting and decoupage. And everything that our visitors do during the festival, we will then pass on to our elderly charges.

In general, such festivals are important for people to understand exactly how they can help. Each of us has a desire to share our warmth, but people do not know how to help. And such events, of course, provide an opportunity to convey to a person who has not encountered or participated in charity the idea that it is possible to help and it is not difficult.

—Do Muscovites support charity events?

“We hope that many people will respond.” This is actually the easiest way to help, when you don’t spend a lot of money, but at the same time share your warmth. This is attention first. Elderly people often suffer from the fact that their relatives do not always have enough time for them, and those who do not have relatives generally seem to be on the outskirts.

Therefore, attention to them, even something as simple as this, is especially important. Not everyone can pack up and go to a nursing home, but a postcard with a kind word will reach an elderly person, and he will understand that he is important, that someone thought of him and gave him a gift. And of course, we hope that we can continue to attract people to help the fund.

Natural desire to help

— How did the idea of ​​creating a volunteer movement working with older people come about?

— Our director Elizaveta Oleskina was at some point on a folklore expedition in one of the regions, wandered into a nursing home, and a completely natural desire to help appeared. We began to unite people around us who also cared.

But in general, there are quite a few funds to help elderly single people; this assistance is highly specialized. About 80 percent of people who want to help anyone at all want to help children, and the remaining 20 percent are considering the possibility of helping the disabled and elderly. That is, our direction is not very popular, and we are pioneers in it: we do not have many colleagues, there are no large ones at all, so we carry out most of our activities through trial and error, accumulating experience.

The foundation faces a difficult task - changing public opinion. We understand: by building a system to help the elderly, we take care of our future. Every person has the right to a dignified old age, and I want the country to have a system that is based on human needs.

— In addition to participating in the Easter Gift festival, you actively work with the city, how is this cooperation built?

“We have now launched activities in Moscow and are very happy to cooperate. For example, we received a grant from the Public Relations Committee to create a volunteer center to help the elderly. As part of this grant, we organize regular seminars where we tell people how to help older people. We regularly visit Moscow boarding homes and social welfare institutions, work with schoolchildren and students, and conduct “kindness hours,” telling students about how they can help people.

Plus, we recently developed and launched a mobile application. With its help, you can learn about the work of the foundation, about trips, how you can visit the elderly and, of course, support our foundation by making a donation.

Global system with a personal approach

— Charitable organizations are constantly developing, and what are your foundation’s plans for the near future?

“Now we are reaching a new level - we are creating a system of long-term care for the elderly as part of a federal initiative. The “Old Age in Joy” Foundation is actively involved in the methodological and practical part of the project. Now we are combining the resources of society and the state to improve the quality of life of older people in need of help.

Thanks to this system, the needs of the elderly person will be taken into account in order to provide further assistance. To explain with examples, now a person can either end up in a nursing home, where he will receive round-the-clock support, or a social worker will come to him twice a week for an hour and a half. There is no middle option. But not everyone needs support around the clock, if one or two visits of a social worker per week is not enough. In this case, you can, for example, organize the following: the nurse will come for an hour or three, but every day. And this will be much more beneficial for the state, because it will not require comprehensive provision for a person, as in a nursing home, and at the same time it will be easier for him to stay at home, in a familiar environment.