Riddles from the magazine "Murzilka". Indecent riddles: Who doesn't get their hair wet in the rain?

Who doesn't get their hair wet in the pouring rain? (Bald.)

Jumps deftly and eats carrots? (Grandma is on a diet.)

What can't you eat for breakfast? (Dinner and supper.)

There's a board in your teeth, there's melancholy in your eyes. (The man fell into the village aftershock.)

It will stand up and reach the sky (Rainbow.)

The woman is standing on the floor, her hole slightly open. (Stove.)

Crawling downhill, running uphill. (Snot.)

About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is? (Internet.)

Think about it!!! Scientists have come up with a device that can be used to pass through walls... And they finally named it in an original way... (Door)

Earrings for simpletons. (Noodles.)

Stop log in case of emergency braking. (Pillar.)

What is: 90/60/90? (Speed with a traffic cop.)

What is it: flies and shines? (Mosquito with a gold tooth.)

How good it is for you and me, I’m under you, and you’re on top of me. (The hedgehog carries an apple.)

What is it: there is a head, there is no head, there is a head, but there is no head? (The lame man is behind the fence.)

A loves B, B loves C? What should A do? (Find another B.)

Two rings, two ends... (Very sophisticated New Russian.)

What is excited by Koch's wand? (1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch’s wife.)

What is blue gold? (My beloved wife got drunk.)

Red, long, 21? (Tram.)

Two women at the fence: one is glued, the other is sewn... What should be done with them? (Tear off the first one, flog the second one.)

What is it: the hard is inserted into the soft, and the balls dangle nearby? (Earrings.)

One wheel with a thousand wings - what is it? (A wheelbarrow with manure.)

It’s not a rooster, but it’s singing, it’s not a grandfather, but it’s a grandmother, who is it? (Philip Kirkorov.)

What three-letter word is now most often written on the walls of toilets in schools and universities? (You yourself X#@! The correct answer is WWW!)

When is a person in a room without a head? (When he puts it out of the window onto the street.)

With scales - but not a fish, with p#$doy - but not a woman, with wings - but not a bird. (Scaly p#$covered.)

How can you walk while sitting? (In the toilet - on the toilet.)

What question will no one ever answer “yes” to? (Sleeping person to the question: “Are you sleeping?”

What is on a woman's body, on a Jew's mind, is used in hockey and on the chessboard? (Combination.)

Dangles between your legs, stinks and screams? (Motorbike.)

Climbs out of the water, eight tits, three p@#dy (Eight-titty trip@#det.)

How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand? (Both.)

Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village. (Lack of youth in rural areas.)

What is it: two bellies, four ears? (Cat wedding.)

The goose barked all over Rus'. (Swan.)

What is it: gold coins falling from a branch? (A common occurrence in the land of fools.)

Why do you go to bed when you want to sleep? (By the floor.)

A small, yellow one is tumbling in the sky. (Found!!!)

Small, yellow, poking around in the ground. (The Vietnamese is looking for a mine.)

All around is water, and in the middle is law. What it is? (The prosecutor is bathing.)

When the goat turns seven years old, what happens next? (The eighth will go)

Which social group has critical days twice a year? (Students.)

What is it: a little bald thing running through the forest? (Hedgehog. Why bald? Escaped from Chernobyl.)

It nourishes in the fall, warms in the winter, cheers in the spring, cools in the summer. (Vodka.)

The hunter walked past the clock tower. He took out a gun and fired. Where did he end up? (To the police.)

A hundred clothes and all without fasteners. (Bum.)

Who is: six wings, seven x#ev? (Six-winged seven...)

What is it like: sitting on the ceiling, chewing on a light bulb? (Ceiling lamp chewer.)

Just remember it a little, it will be as hard as a potato. (Snowball.)

Either hanging or standing or cold or hot. (Shower.)

With claws, not a bird, it flies and swears. (Electrician.)

When a woman lifts her leg, what do you see? Five letters, starts with P and ends with A. (Heel.)

What is it: walking on the wall and playing? (A fly with a player in his ears.)

What can you get off a naked secretary? (Naked boss.)

Why do women in stockings feel warm in winter and men in jeans feel cold? (Because the men's heaters are crappy, and the women's heaters are crap.)

Two ends, two rings, and in the middle there are studs. (Victim of a maniac.)

What do money and a coffin have in common? (Both are first nailed down and then lowered.)

Under which tree does the hare sit when it rains? (Under the wet.)

Ivashka stands on one leg. (Disabled person.)

What word always sounds wrong? (The word "wrong".)

White, not sugar. Cold, not ice. (Dead body.)

Who is this - small, lives in the ground, begins with "Sh"? (Scarlet.)

Four brothers stand under one roof. (Mafia.)

Doesn't bark, doesn't bite, and doesn't let him into the house. (The wife does not let her drunken husband in.)

What is it: small, green, standing on the panel? (Prostitute from another planet.)

No windows, no doors, and a Jew sitting inside? What is this? (Sarah is pregnant.)

What is it: first white, then zh-zh-zhik, and red? (The neighbor's poodle is in the mixer.)

Red head - works smartly. (Woodpecker.)

What is it: hanging on the wall and crying? (Climber.)

How many babies will fit in a double stroller? (And this, depending on how you chop it...)

What is it: small, black, breaking into glass? (Baby in the oven.)

Which wheel does not spin when making a right turn? (Spare.)

A hippopotamus flew across the sky, and a hunter with a gun ran along the ground behind him. The hunter fired and the hippo fell on him. Who is still alive? (Elephant, because he flew out later.)

The little wrinkled one is in every woman. (Highlight.)

Small, yellow, he opens the door. (Bruce Lee)

What is it: green, bald and jumping? (Soldier at the disco.)

How to find out if there is a mouse in the refrigerator without opening it? (There should be a bicycle next to the refrigerator.)

Who will get to the refrigerator faster - a mouse or an elephant? (Mouse. She will come on a bicycle.)

It's hanging on a rope, it's called "Z". (Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya.)

Hair on hair, body on body - a dark affair begins. (Eye closes.)

What is it - small, white, flies and buzzes? With the letter B. (Fly. Why with B? Because she’s blonde.)

What is it - sitting on a tree, black and croaking? With the letter Sh. (Crow. Why with Sh? Because she pretended to be a hose.)

What is it: hanging on the wall and smelling? (Clock: the cuckoo died in it.)

How do day and night end? (Soft sign.)

There is one in the sky, none in the earth, but the woman has two of them. (Letter B.)

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? (None. This is a hardware problem; programmers cannot solve them.)

The two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One walks on a tightrope over a cliff, and another gets a blow job from a 70-year-old woman. Both men have the same thought. Which? (Don't look down.)

Two turtles (male and female) walk lovingly along the shore holding each other’s paws. After an hour, only the male returns. Where is the female? (It stayed there - he forgot to turn it over.)

The pear is hanging - you can’t eat it. (Alien pear. Option: Aunt Grunya hanged herself.)

What fellow is dripping from the end in the morning? (Samovar. Option: Water tap.)

It consists of three letters, It starts with "X", When he works he stands, When he finishes, he bows. (Chorus.)

How is a person different from a locomotive? (The locomotive first whistles, then starts moving, and the man first starts moving, and then walks and whistles.)

How many blacks does it take to bury a person? (Five. Four are carrying the coffin, and the fifth is walking in front with a tape recorder.)

What is 100 x% and one rope? (Barge Haulers on the Volga)

A multi-colored yoke hung over the river. (A sign of incipient madness.)

The scarlet sugar itself, the caftan is green velvet. (Negative on color film, capturing the “new Russian”.)

How is the first floor different from the ninth? (From the first floor you’ll fall: “Bang!” - A-ah!” And from the ninth, “A-ah!” - Bang!”

Two backs, one head, six legs. What it is? (Man on a chair.)

Why do girls in Paris wear red hair? (On the ground.)

What is Adam's front and Eve's back? (The letter a".)

It crawls and crawls and eats the tree. It crawls and crawls again and eats the tree. What it is? (Rocktail. He eats trees too.)

It crawls and crawls and eats the stone. It crawls and crawls again and eats the stone. What it is? (Rocktail.)

Black - on one leg? (One-legged black man.)

Pet, starts with "s". (There is one cockroach.)

Pet, starts with "d". (Two cockroaches.)

Pet, starts with a "t". (Cockroach.)

The black dog does not bark, does not bite, and does not let him into the house. (A dead black dog blocking the entrance to the house.)

What is this: Black, square, hairy thing on the nightstand? (TV [fucking covered].)

How is a horse different from a needle? (First you sit on a needle, then you jump, and first you jump on a horse, then you sit.)

The more there are, the less weight. What is this? (Holes.)

What is this: sitting on the window, speaking French? (Frenchman.)

There is a small yellow one under the bed, it starts with “Z”. (Kopek. Why on "Z"? Rolled)

Small, gray, looks like an elephant. (Baby elephant)

Lying on his back - no one needs him. Lean it against the wall - it will come in handy. (Ladder)

Which country is the most armed? (Israel, everyone there carries sawn-off shotguns)

If it weren't for grandma's shaggy clothes, grandpa's beaters would have frozen. (Mittens)

Thunder rumbles, bushes shake, what are they doing there? (The bear eats raspberries)

Climbs out of the water, eight tits, three p...ds (Eight-tit trip...dad)

Smelly, red, dangerous for girls. (Motorcycle "Java"

Black - on four legs? (One-legged black man at the piano.)

Black - on three legs? (Piano.)

Black - on two legs? (Two one-legged blacks.)

What is it - the color of lilac, it sees backwards as well as forwards, and jumps higher than the bell tower? (White blind horse, because lilacs are white, and the bell tower does not jump at all)

Why are you looking at me, undress, I'm yours. (Bed or hanger)

What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands do it. (Phone sex)

What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile? (The pedophile truly loves children)

Stop log in case of emergency braking. (Pillar)

A cow stands - the hole is ready, a bull comes into the hole - poke. (Lock and key)

Where does the snow woman come from? (From ZIMBABwe)

Not a horseradish, not a carrot - a red head. (Pioneer in cap)

Between the legs it hangs on the “X”, it’s called. (trunk or tail)

A boy and a girl were doing something in the grass on "E". (Ate strawberries)

How to put a giraffe in the refrigerator? (Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe in there, close the refrigerator)

Which plant knows everything? (Horseradish)

What kind of woman first rubs up against you and then demands money? (Conductor on the tram)

Green, spotted, jumping. (Paratrooper)

What is it: written in black and white? (The toilet where the black man stood)

What is: black and white, black and white, black and white? (The nun rolls head over heels down the mountain)

Doesn't bark, doesn't bite, and has the same name.(@)

Everyone's fucked up, no one's riding. (The trolleybus fell off the bridge)

Everyone's fucked up, but only one can ride. (Husband on a business trip)

Everyone has a ride, but one is fucked..a. (The husband was hit by a trolleybus)

The pear is hanging - you can’t eat it. Why? (Boxers can punch you in the face)

What is it: power lies, but water runs? (A deputy is given an enema)

What is this: in white lace, mooing and crawling on the ground? (Drunk bride)

What is it: with eyes but does not see, with a beak but does not peck, with wings but does not fly? (Dead crow)

What is black on the outside, yellow on the inside? (Ninja Chicken)

What has a head but no brain? (Cheese, onion, garlic)

One eye, one horn, but not a rhinoceros? (A cow peeks out from around the corner)

What word starts with three letters "G" and ends with three letters "I"? (Trigonometry)

What is it: small, gray and weighs 3 kilograms? (A mouse with weight problems)
You need to cross a wide river that is infested with crocodiles. How will you do this? (Swim. After all, the crocodiles are all at a meeting with the lion)

The lion called all the animals to a meeting. All showed up except one. What kind of animal is this? (This is an elephant. It's in the refrigerator, remember?)

How to put an elephant in the refrigerator? (Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in there, close the refrigerator)

Who is this: Red heels sticking out of the bed? (Red-heeled bed sticker)

What is the last thing that comes to mind when a beetle flies into the windshield of a moving car? (His ass)

What do Formula 1 and sex have in common? (Pit stop - tire change)

What is the difference between a woman's breasts and a toy railroad? (Nothing: both are created for children, and dads play with them)

The most harmful insect, black back, white belly, legs covered in manure. (Summer resident)

Why do women scratch their eyes in the morning? (Because they don't have balls)

A new name for the former American president's favorite musical instrument. (Sexophone)

Grain that has passed through fire, water and copper pipes. (Moonshine)

If all women do the splits, what will happen? (The earth will be fucked up)

What is it: many heads, a long tail, sparkling eyes, small and dirty eggs? (The line for eggs for 90 kopecks in the 80s of the twentieth century)

In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure. (Movie show.)

We are daring guys, we climb into the cracks of the floor. (Cockroaches.)

Winter, forest, everything is covered with snow. A crushed penis lies on a large icy stump. What is this? (Winter has finally come.)

Hair, hair..., and in the middle there is sausage. (Corn.)

Above the knee, below the navel, the hole is large enough to fit a hand. (Pocket)

Without arms, without legs, jump on a woman! (Yoke)

He left his grandfather and left his grandmother... (Sex.)

What is it - made of three letters that goes into one ear and comes out of the other? (Scrap)

What should you do when you see a green man? (Cross the street)

The letter X. is called, P. will see rises. (The trunk takes food.)

Black around, white in the middle. (The radish is there, only bitten.)

Black around, red in the middle. (Radish in the black man's ass.)

The hairy head flies deftly behind the cheek. (Toothbrush.)

Cross-eyed, small, in a white fur coat and felt boots? (Chukchi Father Frost.)

What is it - green, press the button - red? (Frog in a mixer.)

They buried a prostitute and wrote on the tombstone: “Now they will always be together.” Who are they? (Legs.)

Back and forth: It’s nice for you and me. (Swing.)

He quietly approached from behind, stuck it in twice and walked away. (Slippers.)

It’s black on top, red on the inside. It’s so beautiful when you put it in. (Galoshes.)

What elongates when you take it in your hands, pass it between your breasts and insert it into the hole? (Safety belt)

What is it: enters dry, comes out wet, gives warmth and joy? (Tea bag)

Mustache, striped. (Mattress)

To stroke from the front, you need to lick from the back. (Postage Stamp)

Two ends, two rings? (Gay wedding)

It nourishes in the fall, warms in the winter, cheers in the spring, cools in the summer. (Vodka)

Red head - works deftly. (Woodpecker)

What is a small, white thing that sucks blood? (Tampon.)

Cool riddles

1. There’s a board in your teeth, there’s melancholy in your eyes.
(The man fell into the village aftershock.)

2. Everyone is fucked, but only one can ride.
(Husband is on a business trip.)

3. Everyone gets a ride, but one gets fucked.
(The husband was hit by a trolleybus.)

4. Everyone is fucked, no one is allowed to ride.
(The trolleybus fell off the bridge.)

5. A boy and a girl were doing something in the grass in "E".
(They ate strawberries.)

6. How many blacks does it take to bury a person?
(Five. Four are carrying the coffin, and the fifth is walking in front with a tape recorder.)

7. About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is?
(Internet.)

8. Crawling downhill, running uphill.
(Snot.)

9. The woman is standing on the floor, her hole slightly open. I RECOMMEND READING

10. He will stand up and reach the sky.
(Rainbow.)

11. The pear is hanging - you can’t eat it. Why?
(Boxers can get punched in the face.)

12. What can't you eat for breakfast?
(Dinner and supper.)

13. Without arms, without legs, jump on a woman!
(Yoke.)

14. Does he jump deftly and eat carrots?
(Bubka is on a diet.)

15. Who doesn’t get their hair wet in the pouring rain?
(Bald.)

16. It’s not a rooster, but it’s singing, it’s not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is it?
(Philip Kirkorov.)

17. One wheel with a thousand wings - what is it?
(A wheelbarrow with manure.)

18. What is it like: a hard thing is inserted into a soft one, and the balls dangle nearby?
(Earrings.)

19. Two women at the fence: one is glued, the other is sewn... What should be done with them?
(Tear off the first one, flog the second one.)

20. Red, long, 21?
(Tram.)

21. What is blue gold?
(My beloved wife got drunk.)

22. What is excited by Koch's wand?
(1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch’s wife.)

23. What do burnt bread, a drowned man and a pregnant woman have in common?
(We didn’t have time to pull it out...)

24. Two rings, two ends...
(Very sophisticated New Russian.)

25. A dead man lies in the desert. There is a bag over my shoulders and a flask of water on my belt. For many kilometers around there is not a single living soul. What did the man die from and what was in his bag?
(The man died from hitting the ground, and in the bag there was a parachute that did not open.)

26. What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile?
(The pedophile truly loves children.)

27. There is an elevator in a 12-story building. Only 2 people live on the ground floor; from floor to floor the number of residents doubles. Which button in the elevator of this building is pressed most often?
(Regardless of the distribution of residents by floor, button "1".)

28. With onions and eggs, but not a pie?
(Robin Hood.)

29. Buratino, Malvina, an honest customs officer and a filthy cop are traveling in the compartment. They play cards, there is a lot of money in the bank, the train enters a tunnel. After leaving the tunnel, the money disappeared. Who stole the money?
(The cop is filthy, because the first three do not exist in nature...)

30. Where does the snow woman come from?
(From ZIMBABwe.)

31. Which country is the most armed?
(Israel... everyone there walks around with sawed-off shotguns.)

32. What is it - the color of lilac, it sees backwards as well as forwards, and jumps higher than the bell tower?
(A white blind horse, because lilacs are white, and the bell tower does not jump at all.)

33. What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands do it.
(Phone sex.)

34. A small, yellow one lies under the bed, it starts with “Z”.
(Kopek. Why on "Z"? Rolled...)

35. The three-letter word that every man is afraid of?
(More!)

36. What is: the kindest ghost in the world with a motor?
(Zaporozhets.)

37. A loves B, B loves C?
What should A do?
(Find another B.)

38. What is it: there is a head, but there is no head, there is a head, but there is no head?
(The lame man is behind the fence.)

39. They buried a prostitute and wrote on the tombstone: “Now they will always be together.” Who are they?
(Legs.)

40. How good it is for you and me, I’m under you, and you’re on top of me.
(The hedgehog carries an apple.)

41. What is it: flies and shines?
(Mosquito with a gold tooth.)

42. What is: 90/60/90?
(Speed with a traffic cop.)

43. Stop log in case of emergency braking.
(Pillar.)

44. Earrings for simpletons.
(Noodles.)

45. The arithmetic mean between a bicycle and a motorcycle?
(Moped.)

46. Hanging on the wall, green and squeaking.
(Herring. It hangs on the wall because I hung it there, it’s green because I painted it, and it beeps so that no one will guess.)

47. Climbs out of the water, eight tits, three pussy

(Eight-titty trip@#children.)

48. Dangles between your legs, stinks and screams?
(Motorbike.)

49. What does a woman have on her body?
on the Jew's mind
used in hockey
and on the chessboard?
(Combination.)

50. What question does no one ever answer “yes” to?
(Sleeping person to the question: “Are you sleeping?”)

51. How can you walk while sitting?
(In the toilet - on the toilet.)

52. With scales - but not a fish, with p#$doy - but not a woman, with wings - but not a bird.
(Scaly p#$covered.)

53. When is a person in a room without a head?
(When he puts it out of the window onto the street.)

54. Which three-letter word is now most often written on the walls of toilets in schools and universities?
(You yourself X#@! The correct answer is WWW!)

55. Which social group has critical days twice a year?
(Students.)

56. When the goat turns seven years old, what happens next?
(The eighth will go.)

57. All around is water, and in the middle is law. What it is?
(The prosecutor is bathing.)

58. Can a man marry his widow’s sister?
(No.)

59. Why do they wear a hat?
(Because she doesn't walk on her own.)

60. Small, yellow, poking around in the ground.
(The Vietnamese is looking for a mine.)

61. The little yellow one is tumbling in the sky.
(Found!!!)

62. Why do you go to bed when you want to sleep?
(By the floor.)

63. Can an ostrich call itself a bird?
(No, he can't talk.)

64. What needs to be done so that four guys remain in one boot?
(Take off each person’s boot.)

65. He left his grandfather, and left his grandmother...
(Sex.)

66. What is it like: power lies, but water runs?
(The deputy is given an enema.)

67. What is it - green, press the button - red?
(Frog in a mixer.)

68. Cross-eyed, small, in a white fur coat and felt boots?
(Chukchi Father Frost.)

69. What is it: gold coins falling from a branch?
(A common occurrence in the land of fools.)

70. What kind of blacksmiths forge in the forest?
(Who the hell knows!)

71. Dry-wedge, wet-wedge?
(Wet wedge, damn it!)

72. The goose barked all over Rus'.
(Swan.)

73. What is: two bellies, four ears?
(Cat wedding.)

74. Wrinkled Titus amuses the whole village.
(Lack of youth in rural areas.)

75. How many eggs can a woman hold in one hand?
(Both.)

76. Why is it warm for women in stockings in winter, and cold for men in jeans?
(Because the men have a lousy heater, and the women have a lousy one.)

77. What can you get off a naked secretary?
(Naked boss.)

78. What is it: walking on the wall and playing?
(A fly with a player in his ears.)

79. When a woman raises her leg, what do you see? Five letters, starts with P and ends with A.
(Heel.)

80. How fast should a dog run so as not to hear the clink of a frying pan tied to its tail?
(The dog must stand. This problem in the company is immediately identified by the physicist: the physicist answers that it needs to run at supersonic speed.)

81. A bald hedgehog is walking - how old is he?
(18 - he is drafted into the army.)

82. I take it in two hands,
I put it between my legs,
I've been sweating for five minutes,
and then I go crazy.
(Exercise bike.)

83. Why are you looking at me, undress, I’m yours.
(Bed.)
(Option: Hanger.)

84. The hairy head flies deftly behind the cheek.
(Toothbrush.)

85. Black around, red in the middle.
(Radish in the black man's ass.)

86. Black around, white in the middle.
(The radish is there, only bitten.)

87. The letter X. is called, P. will see rises.
(The trunk takes food.)

88. With claws, not a bird, it flies and swears.
(Electrician.)

89. Now hanging, now standing, now cold, now hot.
(Shower.)

90. Remember it a little, it will be as hard as potatoes.
(Snowball.)

91. Small, gray, looks like an elephant.
(Baby elephant.)

92. What is it like: sitting on the ceiling, chewing on a light bulb?
(Ceiling lamp chewer.)

93. Who is: six wings, seven x#ev?
(Six-winged seven...)

94. A hundred clothes and all without fasteners.
(Bum.)

95. A hunter walked past the clock tower. He took out a gun and fired. Where did he end up?
(To the police.)

96. It nourishes in the fall, warms in the winter, cheers in the spring, cools in the summer.
(Vodka.)

97. Where does the chicken go when crossing the road?
(To the other side of the road.)

98. The boy fell down 4 steps and broke his leg. How many legs will a boy break if he falls down 40 steps?
(Only one, because his second one is already broken.)

99. What is it: a little bald thing running through the forest?
(Hedgehog. Why bald? Escaped from Chernobyl.)

100. Doesn't bark, doesn't bite, and doesn't let him into the house.
(The wife does not let her drunken husband in.)

101. What kind of dishes can you not eat anything from?
(From empty.)

102. Four brothers stand under one roof.
(Mafia.)

103. Who is this - small, lives in the ground, begins with "Sh"?
(Scarlet.)

104. White, not sugar. Cold, not ice.
(Dead body.)

105. What word always sounds wrong?
(The word "wrong".)

106. Ivashka stands on one leg.
(Disabled person.)

107. Why does the priest buy a hat?
(Because they don’t give it for nothing.)

108. Under which tree does the hare sit when it rains?
(Under the wet.)

109. What do money and a coffin have in common?
(Both are first nailed down and then lowered.)

110. Two ends, two rings, and in the middle there are carnations.
(Victim of a maniac.)

111. Which wheel does not spin when turning right?
(Spare.)

112. What is it: small, black, hitting the glass?
(Baby in the oven.)

113. How many babies will fit in a double stroller?
(And this, depending on how you chop it...)

114. What is it: hanging on the wall and crying?
(Climber.)

115. Red head - works smartly.
(Woodpecker.)

116. What is: first white, then zh-zh-zhik, and red?
(The neighbor's poodle is in the mixer.)

117. No windows, no doors, and a Jew sitting inside? What is this?
(Sarah is pregnant.)

118. What is it: small, green, standing on the panel?
(Prostitute from another planet.)

119. Dangling on a rope, called “Z”.
(Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya.)

120. Who will get to the refrigerator faster - a mouse or an elephant?
(Mouse. She will come on a bicycle.)

121. How can you tell if there is a mouse in the refrigerator without opening it?
(There should be a bicycle next to the refrigerator.)

122. What is: green, bald and jumping?
(Soldier at the disco.)

123. What is it: blue, big, with a mustache and completely stuffed with hares?
(Trolleybus.)

124. Hair, hair..., and in the middle there is sausage.
(Corn.)

125. Three turtles are crawling along a plane.
One says: there are no turtles in front of me, but two are crawling behind me.
Another says: there is one turtle in front of me and one behind me.
The remaining one says: two turtles are crawling in front of me and two behind me.
Question: In what case can this happen?
(Answer: In case the third turtle is pi$#it.)

126. Small, yellow, he opens the door.
(Bruce Lee.)

127. What is the difference between a young bachelor and an old one?
(A young bachelor cleans his house to invite a woman, and an old bachelor invites a woman to his house to clean it up.)

128. Winter, forest, everything is covered with snow. A crushed penis lies on a large icy stump. What is this?
(Winter has finally arrived.)

129. Small wrinkled, every woman has it.
(Highlight.)

130. How many peas can fit into one glass?
(Not at all, because peas don’t move.)

131. A hedgehog is running across the lawn - dragging along, laughing. Why does he laugh?
(Because the grass tickles the pussy.)

132. A hedgehog runs across the lawn and cries. Why is he crying?
(The grass was mowed.)

133. Two nails fell into the water. What is the Georgian's last name?
(Rusted.)

134. A hippopotamus flew across the sky, and a hunter with a gun ran along the ground behind him. The hunter fired and the hippo fell on him. Who is still alive?
(Elephant, because he flew out later.)

135. How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(None. This is a hardware problem; programmers cannot solve them.)

136. Name a word that has 40 vowels.
(Forty (forty "A").)

137. Alone in the sky,
Not in the ground
And the woman has two of them.
(Letter B.)

138. How do day and night end?
(Soft sign.)

139. We are daring guys, we climb into the cracks of the sex.
(Cockroaches.)

140. What is it: hanging on the wall and smelling?
(Clock: the cuckoo died in it.)

141. What is a small, white thing that sucks blood?
(Tampon.)

142. What is it - sitting on a tree, black and croaking? Starting with the letter Sh.
(Crow. Why on Ш? Because she pretended to be a hose.)

143. What is small, white, flies and buzzes? Starting with the letter B.
(Fly. Why on B? Because she’s blonde.)

144. Quietly approached from behind,
He stuck it in twice and walked away.
(Slippers.)

145. Hair on hair, body on body - a dark matter begins.
(Eye closes.)

146. What is 100 x%ev and one rope?
(Barge Haulers on the Volga.)

147. What is 100 ropes and one x%?
(Parachutist.)

148. What is 100x%ev and 100 ropes?
(Barge haulers on parachutes.)

149. What is it:
Running around the ceiling, sucking lamps?
(Ceiling lamp sucker.)

150. Hanging - dangling, called three letters. In the middle is "U".
(Shower.)

151. What is:
Two ends, two rings?
(Gay wedding.)

152. Why did Lenin wear boots, and Stalin wear boots?
(On the ground.)

153. Why don't elephants fly?
(By air.)

154. How does a person differ from a locomotive?
(The locomotive first whistles, then starts moving, and the man first starts moving, and then walks and whistles.)

155. Black on top, red inside.
The way you put it in, it’s so wonderful.
(Galoshes.)

156. Consists of three letters,
Starts with "X"
When it works, it's worth it
When he finishes, he bows.
(Chorus.)

157. What a fellow
Is it dripping from the end in the morning?
(Samovar.)
(Option: Water tap.)

158. Who is:
Doesn’t he shoot himself and doesn’t let others?
(Alexander Matrosov.)

159. A pear is hanging - you can’t eat it.
(Someone else's pear.)
(Option: Aunt Grunya hanged herself.)

160. Two turtles (male and female) walk lovingly along the shore holding each other’s paws. After an hour, only the male returns. Where is the female?
(It stayed there - he forgot to turn it over.)

161. Two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One walks on a tightrope over a cliff, and another gets a blow job from a 70-year-old woman. Both men have the same thought. Which?
(Don't look down.)

162. Crawling, crawling - he will eat a stone. It crawls and crawls again and eats the stone.
What it is?
(Rocktail.)

163. Crawling, crawling - he will eat the tree. It crawls and crawls again and eats the tree.
What it is?
(Rocktail. He eats trees too.)

164. In a dark room, on a white sheet - two hours of pleasure.
(Movie show.)

165. What is Adam's front and Eve's back?
(The letter a".)

166. Why do girls in Paris have red hair?
(On the ground.)

167. Two backs, one head, six legs. What it is?
(Man on a chair.)

168. How is the first floor different from the ninth?
(From the first floor you will fall: “Boom!” - A-ah!” And from the ninth floor, “A-ah! - Bang!”)

169. The scarlet sugar itself, the caftan is green velvet.
(Negative on color film, capturing the “new Russian”.)

170. Back and forth:
It's nice for you and me.
(Swing.)

171. A multi-colored yoke hung over the river.
(A sign of incipient madness.)

172. What is the difference between a tractor and a tomato?
(The tomato is red, and the door on the tractor opens outward.)

173. What is it:
sitting on the window, speaking French?
(Frenchman.)

174. The more there are, the less weight. What is this?
(Holes.)

175. How is a horse different from a needle?
(First you sit on a needle, then you jump, and first you jump on a horse, then you sit.)

176. What is:
Is there a black, square, hairy thing on the nightstand?
(TV [fucking covered].)

177. The black dog doesn’t bark
He doesn’t bite and doesn’t let him into the house.
(A dead black dog blocking the entrance to the house.)

178. Pet, starts with a "t".
(Cockroach.)

179. Pet, starts with "d".
(Two cockroaches.)

180. Pet, starts with "s".
(There is one cockroach.)

181. What is:
Black - on one leg?
(One-legged black man.)

182. What is:
Black - on two legs?
(Two one-legged blacks.)

183. What is:
Black - on three legs?
(Piano.)

184. What is:
Black - on four legs?
(One-legged black man at the piano.)

1. The pear is hanging - you can’t eat it. Why?
(Boxers can get punched in the face.)

2. Everyone is fucked, but only one can ride.
(Husband is on a business trip.)

3. Everyone gets a ride, but one gets fucked.
(The husband was hit by a trolleybus.)

4. Everyone is fucked, no one is allowed to ride.
(The trolleybus fell off the bridge.)

5. A boy and a girl were doing something in the grass in "E".
(They ate strawberries.)

6. How many blacks does it take to bury a person?
(Five. Four are carrying the coffin, and the fifth is walking in front with a tape recorder.)

7. About 40 million people do THIS at night. What it is?
(Internet.)

8. Crawling downhill, running uphill.
(Snot.)

9. The woman is standing on the floor, her hole slightly open.
(Stove.)

10. He will stand up and reach the sky.
(Rainbow.)

11. There’s a board in your teeth, there’s melancholy in your eyes.
(The man fell into the village aftershock.)

12. What can't you eat for breakfast?
(Dinner and supper.)

13. Without arms, without legs, jump on a woman!
(Yoke.)

14. Does he jump deftly and eat carrots?
(Bubka is on a diet.)

15. Who doesn’t get their hair wet in the pouring rain?
(Bald.)

16. It’s not a rooster, but it’s singing, it’s not a grandfather, but a grandmother, who is it?
(Philip Kirkorov.)

17. One wheel with a thousand wings - what is it?
(A wheelbarrow with manure.)

18. What is it like: a hard thing is inserted into a soft one, and the balls dangle nearby?
(Earrings.)

19. Two women at the fence: one is glued, the other is sewn... What should be done with them?
(Tear off the first one, flog the second one.)

20. Red, long, 21?
(Tram.)

21. What is blue gold?
(My beloved wife got drunk.)

22. What is excited by Koch's wand?
(1. tuberculosis; 2. Koch’s wife.)

23. What do burnt bread, a drowned man and a pregnant woman have in common?
(We didn’t have time to pull it out...)

24. Two rings, two ends...
(Very sophisticated New Russian.)

25. A dead man lies in the desert. There is a bag over my shoulders and a flask of water on my belt.
For many kilometers around there is not a single living soul.
What did the man die from and what was in his bag?
(The man died from hitting the ground, and in the bag there was a parachute that did not open.)

26. What is the difference between a teacher and a pedophile?
(The pedophile truly loves children.)

27. There is an elevator in a 12-story building.
Only 2 people live on the ground floor; from floor to floor the number of residents doubles. Which button in the elevator of this building is pressed most often?
(Regardless of the distribution of residents by floor, button "1".)

28. With onions and eggs, but not a pie?
(Robin Hood.)

29. Buratino, Malvina, an honest customs officer and a filthy cop are traveling in the compartment.
They play cards, there is a lot of money in the bank, the train enters a tunnel.
After leaving the tunnel, the money disappeared. Who stole the money?
(The cop is filthy, because the first three do not exist in nature...)

30. Where does the snow woman come from?
(From ZIMBABwe.)

31. Which country is the most armed?
(Israel... everyone there walks around with sawed-off shotguns.)

32. What is it - the color of lilac, it sees backwards as well as forwards, and jumps higher than the bell tower?
(White blind horse, because lilacs are white, but the bell tower is not at all
jumps.)

33. What is it: the eyes are afraid - the hands do it.
(Phone sex.)

34. A small, yellow one lies under the bed, it starts with “Z”.
(Kopek. Why on "Z"? Rolled...)

35. The three-letter word that every man is afraid of?
(More!)

36. What is: the kindest ghost in the world with a motor?
(Zaporozhets.)

37. A loves B, B loves C?
What should A do?
(Find another B.)

38. What is it: there is a head, but there is no head, there is a head, but there is no head?
(The lame man is behind the fence.)

39. They buried a prostitute and wrote on the tombstone:
"Now they will always be together." Who are they?
(Legs.)

40. How good it is for you and me, I’m under you, and you’re on top of me.
(The hedgehog carries an apple.)

41. What is it: flies and shines?
(Mosquito with a gold tooth.)

42. What is: 90/60/90?
(Speed with a traffic cop.)

43. Stop log in case of emergency braking.
(Pillar.)

44. Earrings for simpletons.
(Noodles.)

45. The arithmetic mean between a bicycle and a motorcycle?
(Moped.)

46. Hanging on the wall, green and squeaking.
(Herring. It hangs on the wall because I hung it there, it’s green because I painted it, and it beeps so that no one will guess.)

47. Climbs out of the water, eight tits, three p@#dy (Eight-titty trip@#det.)

48. Dangles between your legs, stinks and screams?
(Motorbike.)

49. What does a woman have on her body, does a Jew have on his mind, is used in hockey and on the chessboard?
(Combination.)