What should parents do if their teenage child does not want to study: force or help - valuable advice from a psychologist. How to make a child study - finding the right motivation How to convince a 10-year-old son to study and try

Many children do poorly at school. It often happens that a child is transferred to the next class so as not to aggravate the situation, although he does not have even minimal knowledge. Teachers have to close their eyes and draw grades so as not to lower their scores. Such children do not learn the knowledge, skills and abilities required by the program, but “learn not to learn,” thereby wasting their innate potential. We’ll look at how to make your child learn with pleasure and do his homework in this article.

Why do children study poorly?

We will not say trivial things about the different abilities of children, since we believe that a child with very modest innate abilities can master the basic school curriculum. But for some reason, a child who in ordinary life shows himself to be observant, quick-witted and quite intelligent, as soon as he gets into class or opens a textbook at home, immediately turns into an exceptional dullard.

Back in the 60s of the last century, American educator John Holt noted that there are three main reasons for children’s academic failures:

1. fear,
2. boredom,
3. fragmentation and meaninglessness of school knowledge.

To understand how to force a child to study and do his homework, we will consider each of these reasons and analyze how specifically it affects the psyche of different children, using the knowledge of the “System-Vector Psychology” training by Yuri Burlan.

Fear prevents you from accepting knowledge

The main condition for the development of a child’s psyche is. This is the base, and if it is not strong enough, then his ability to learn will suffer. The teacher's attitude towards students, relationships between children, the general environment at school - all these are the most important factors influencing the ability to assimilate knowledge. If in the school itself there are fights between children, bullying, ridicule, and teachers cannot create a friendly team, then the child’s mental energy will be spent on the struggle for survival, and not on studying.

Fear of the teacher inhibits cognitive activity due to the fear of making a mistake and being reprimanded. For a child, while he is small, it is very important to please an adult, since an adult is the guarantor of his survival. And if an adult tries to force a child to study by cunning or force, then the child, not being able to openly resist such violence, unconsciously begins to use various defensive strategies, to be cunning, to pretend to be stupid.

Fear hinders the learning ability of any child, but fear has a particularly destructive effect on the sensitive psyche of young students with visual and sound vectors.

A child with a visual vector is potentially a brilliant intellectual. But since the visual vector endows its owner with especially heightened sensitivity, the fear that he experiences from the possibility of not pleasing the teacher with the wrong answer is many times stronger than that of others. A child with a skin vector may cry or throw a tantrum “out of the blue.” If a child with a visual vector is afraid of a teacher, then there is nothing to expect from him. Although, perhaps, thanks to his innate powers of observation, he will learn to correctly guess the answers by the teacher’s facial expression or other indirect external signs. If a student also has an anal vector, then out of fear he may fall into a stupor, thereby finally moving into the category of underachievers.

In any case, it is especially important for a visual child to have emotional contact with the teacher. For him, love or dislike for a subject will be completely determined by how good or not so good his relationship with the teacher is.

The worst thing is when the teacher starts yelling at the children, screaming to force them to pay attention. A child with a sound vector literally loses his head from the teacher's scream.

Loud sounds, and especially screaming with negative meanings, are destructive for a sound engineer: it is precisely because of screaming that a brilliant abstract intellect loses the ability to learn, closes itself in its inner world, and goes into a world of fantasies and dreams inaccessible to adults. Outwardly, such a child may look dull, withdrawn, and autistic.

But even if a child without upper vectors has, for example, an anal vector, and his teacher has a cutaneous one, then, not understanding that he needs more time for analysis, she begins to rush him, tug at him, bombard him with additional “easy” questions, thereby driving him he is in a stupor. Next time, in order not to feel awkward, he can immediately “go into refusal” - remain silent and not answer anything at all. And vice versa, smart skinners with their activity can bring a measured teacher with an anal vector to white heat, and then it will be very difficult for her to discern in them their wonderful logical mindset.

Boredom causes dullness

This may be a revelation for many adults, but children come to school not to study, but because their parents sent them there. Most students go to school not of their own free will, but because it is necessary, and they cannot leave there before the allotted time. Therefore, their task is to spend this time with as little energy consumption as possible for themselves.

Children have not yet developed a long-term motivation system. They don’t know why they need to cram the multiplication tables, learn complex spelling rules, or solve problems about pedestrians who endlessly walk from point A to point B. And if children are not interested, then they are unnoticed by themselves. Out the window, at a neighbor, at a toy, at your own thoughts.

If boredom lasts for a long time, and this usually happens at school, children forget the slightest concentration of mind and feelings. They don't care anymore. If only the answer to the problem matches, and the teacher falls behind with his stupid questions. In order to somehow pull themselves out of a state of boredom, students begin to play around and fight, or simply take out their phones and play a computer game.

For a child with a sound vector, school may be boring for another reason: his brain is underutilized and can do much more. What the school curriculum offers is too easy for him and therefore boring. What another child needs to practice in several exercises, he understands the first time, but he is not offered more volume. He flies away in his thoughts or goes inside himself, that is, he does not hear the teacher’s question, does not follow what is happening in the class, for which he again receives a portion of displeasure, shouting or ridicule.

School knowledge is not connected with each other and with life

There is a lot of discussion possible on this topic. What is needed in the school curriculum, what is not needed, in what order to study, how this knowledge will be interconnected and how it will be useful in life. Each professional will champion their field.

The main thing to note is that children are excellent psychologists. And if we, adults, are struggling with the question of how to get children to study at school, then they have long understood how we, adults, can be deceived. Depending on their vector set, their arsenal of defensive strategies will vary.

Skin specialists will learn to deceive and be cunning, spectators will learn to read the slightest signals from the outside world, students with an anal vector will become stubborn “brakes”, and sound specialists will become closed “zombies”.

Should you force your child to study?

This type of defensive strategy allows you to find a clue as to why a child does not want or cannot go to school. If we correctly identify the cause, we can gradually move on to eliminating it without disturbing the child’s psyche. It is no longer possible to force a modern child to study; there are too many distractions. It is only possible, by understanding the patterns, to create conditions under which he himself will begin to want to learn. This is quite possible, the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan gives such an understanding.

“... our studies have improved, we are going for results of four in the quarter in the Russian language, the rest of the subjects are at five!!! Well, at school, seeing the changes, they say, I just grew up. No, not just grown up! Simply - a systemic mother. Today I understand my mistakes and know how to avoid them, I know what my child needs for normal development. And this is just the beginning..."

“... I told him not to worry that he doesn’t have time to understand at school as quickly as other guys... but what he remembers will be in his memory forever. It seems to me that he has become more confident and has somehow straightened himself out. I also make a move with reading))), I read to him before bed (he himself doesn’t really like to read, although he reads well). At first he freaked out, now he asks to read it. I hope that it will drag on and then he will want to..."

Start with the main thing

1. Calmly and impartially analyze your relationship with your child. Is there emotional contact between you, and does the child have a feeling of security and safety? What kind of relationships does he have at school with teachers and with other children? What is a teacher like?

2. Try to connect the tasks that need to be solved in the school curriculum with real life.

For example, area tasks: ask to calculate how many tubes of wallpaper need to be purchased for renovation.

Ask him to type text for you on a computer or write an advertising brochure for a small amount.

There are many life tasks that would require knowledge of the school curriculum. It is important that the child understands that school knowledge is needed in life.

Parents of schoolchildren have probably encountered a situation where the child does not want to do his homework. He is ready to do anything, just not homework. Often such moments lead to stressful situations in the family. Mom and Dad begin to worry and get nervous about this. The anxiety is passed on to the child and depression occurs. Psychologists advise avoiding such situations. To do this, you need to know how to get your child to do his homework so that the process is interesting and entertaining for him. Entire methods and a set of measures have been developed, which we will discuss in the article.

Don't feel sorry for the first-grader

Many parents are tormented by the question: “How to force a child to do his homework?” Remember: it is necessary to teach your child to do homework without tantrums from the first grade. From the very beginning, you need to make it clear to the child that the educational process has begun, now he has mandatory tasks that he must cope with on his own.

It is important for parents to properly prepare and adapt the baby to a new stage in his life. Even during the holidays, it is worth setting up a place to do homework and establishing a routine. After the learning process has begun, you need to:

Post the school schedule in a visible place so that the child can create his own schedule. Don't forget to indicate the time of visiting clubs and sections. In the first couple of years, the baby cannot do without the help of his parents. There is no need to decide everything for the child. Take a pencil and a notebook, make a detailed plan indicating the time for doing homework, walking in the fresh air, watching TV, playing on the computer.

Never do your child's homework. Even if something doesn’t work out for him, it’s better to re-explain the rules once again, ask leading questions, give hints, give hints.

Try to strictly follow the routine day after day so that the child gets involved in the process. Departure from the schedule only in difficult situations (health problems, urgent matters, etc.).

Explain to your child that school is work. And it depends only on him what the result will be.

Parents often feel sorry for first-graders, considering them small. But the educational process is structured in such a way that all age capabilities of children are taken into account. You shouldn’t worry or think that your child has overworked himself, because if you don’t teach your child to do homework from the first days of school, in the future the question of how to get your child to do his homework will definitely come up.

The draft is your friend

After a child starts attending school, the question arises of how to properly do homework with him. Teachers recommend using drafts without fail. This will help save your child's time. It is necessary to write essays, solve examples and problems in a separate notebook. After this, you need your parents to check what you have written. Only after this can it be transferred to the clean copy.

The child can correct mistakes in the draft; you should not ask to rewrite it several times. That's what a notebook like this is for.

When answering the question of how to properly do homework with a child, you must be guided by the rules of psychologists and remember that until the 5th grade, children are not assiduous and their attention is scattered. After 20-30 minutes of completing lessons, you should take a short five-minute break. The mistake parents make is not letting their children leave the table for 2-3 hours.

Why does the child not want to do his homework? Finding out the reasons

You can hear many children say that they don’t want to do their homework. In this situation, the question logically arises: “How to force a child to do his homework without scandals?” First you need to find out the reasons why he refuses to fulfill them. In fact, there are not so many of them:

Natural laziness. Unfortunately, there are children who experience a similar phenomenon. But there are very few of them. If you know that some processes (reading books, an exciting game, watching cartoons, drawing, etc.) captivate the child for a long time, then the problem is clearly not laziness.

Afraid of failure. This is one of the most common reasons, especially if there have been situations before in which adults behaved incorrectly. Let’s say a strict teacher scolded you in front of the whole class for making a mistake, or your parents scolded you for a bad grade. You cannot perform such actions. Otherwise, it will affect the child’s further education and success.

The child has not fully mastered the subject. This problem is especially acute for first-graders and high school students. Every effort must be made to ensure that the child understands the material.

Lack of parental attention. It would seem, how can failure to complete homework be associated with the love of mom and dad? Psychologists find a direct connection in this. In this way, children strive to attract attention and evoke at least some feelings. As a rule, such situations occur in families of workaholics. There is only one way out of this story - praise the baby as often as possible and say that you are proud of him.

The process itself seems uninteresting to the child, especially for first-graders who are accustomed to perceiving classes only in the form of a game. The task of parents and teachers is to adapt children to learning as quickly as possible.

Before asking the question of how to teach a child to do his homework, you need to find out the reason why he refuses to do his homework. If you cannot cope on your own, you should seek help from a specialist. He will recommend holding a family council, and discussing the possible reason and the child’s reluctance to study. And the main thing here is to find the right manner of behavior for adults: not to shout, but to conduct a constructive dialogue.



What to do if your child does not understand the subject

Parents can cope with all of the above problems of failure to complete homework on their own. But what about the situation when the child simply does not understand the subject, or it is difficult for him? Psychologists say that adults solve this problem on their own, simply by performing difficult tasks for children. Thus, they further aggravate the situation.

The only right decision is to hire a teacher or tutor. There is no need to spare money; a few individual lessons are enough to help your child understand a complex topic.



Do you need help studying the lessons?

Some children do everything to relieve themselves of responsibility for completing their homework. To do this, they pretend to be sick, overworked, and ask their parents to help them. Of course, they agree, but do not understand that the child has them “hooked.” All you have to do is fall for the trick a few times, and this scheme will work constantly.

To answer the question of how to teach a child to do homework on his own, it is necessary to analyze the following situations:

how often does the baby resort to your help?

how long has he been sick?

what grade does the child go to?

If he often resorts to your help, and is rarely sick, and is also a high school student, you just need to explain to him that from now on he does his homework on his own. But it is better not to lead to such a situation, but from the first grade to teach the child to do his homework himself.

We teach the child to be independent

The question of how to get a child to do his homework on his own comes up with parents quite often. If with the help of adults a student still somehow tries to solve problems, then he can’t cope alone. Against this background, scandals and squabbles occur, which only aggravate the situation.

First of all, you need to try to explain to the child that his further admission to university depends on his studies. The better your success, the greater the likelihood of getting into a prestigious institution. Never do homework for a student. The maximum you can help is to clarify this or that rule.

You don’t need to constantly monitor the process; just check the draft and the final copy. This is the only way to develop independence in children. You need to start this from the first days of school, and then in the future you will not have the question: “How to teach a child to do his homework on his own?”

Do you need a monetary reward?

Recently, a new way has emerged among parents to reward their children for good grades at school. The prize is money. Thus, they are confident that the student will try harder and complete his homework independently. Psychologists say that this is a huge mistake. There should be no monetary relationship between parents and children at this age.

There are many ways to get your child to complete his homework without crying or tantrums. You just need to gain strength and patience. After all, school time is a rather difficult time, especially for first-graders.

An incentive could be a trip to the circus, cinema, or game center. It is advisable that parents spend this time with their children. This way they will establish contact even more.

Many parents ask psychologists: “How to get a child to do his homework on his own?” Using motivation methods. But cash bonuses are not acceptable. After all, in the future, children will demand rustling bills for all their good deeds and achievements.

Algorithm for completing homework

School time is a rather difficult time for children and their parents. The child is required to be independent, more responsible, and responsible for his actions. Often schoolchildren (especially first-graders) refuse to do their homework, or do it with great reluctance. This becomes a cause of conflict. You can often hear the phrase from parents: “How to teach a child to do his homework on his own?” In order for the process to go “like clockwork” and not cause any special difficulties, you need to know and follow the following rules:

After your child comes home from school, you should not immediately force him to sit down to do his homework. The following scheme will be optimal: a walk in the air, lunch, rest for up to 30 minutes.

The best time to do homework is from 15.00 to 18.00. This has been proven by experts. During these hours, the greatest efficiency of the brain is observed.

Follow the regime. Try to complete tasks at the same time.

Try to choose difficult subjects right away, and then move on to easier ones.

You should not constantly monitor your child. Teach him to be independent. To begin with, let him complete the work in draft form, bring it for review, and then transfer the data to the clean draft.

After your child finishes his homework, don't forget to praise him.

So that you do not have a question about how to force your child to do his homework, follow the above rules and recommendations.

Carrot or stick?

Psychologists very often encounter situations when a child withdraws into himself, stops perceiving his parents, he seems to withdraw from the outside world, and finds peace in computer games. Why is this happening? It's all due to the wrong behavior of adults, who are established at the expense of children.

Many people are sure that the best way to get a child to do something is to show their advantage. This can be achieved by shouting or punching. This position is incorrect. with children, encouragement and praise are the key to success. The same applies to doing homework.

You can often hear the phrase that a child refuses to do his homework. Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that parents behave incorrectly when starting school. It is important to adhere to the following rules:

When checking homework, never raise your voice, do not call names or humiliate children. First, praise your child for completing his homework. And only then start pointing out mistakes if they were made.

Grades are a sore subject for many parents. After all, you probably want your child to be the best. And how unpleasant it is sometimes to hear the phrase that the child did not cope with the task and received an unsatisfactory grade. Try to talk calmly with the student, explain that the key to success in the future is the acquired knowledge.

In order to answer the question of how to do homework with a child without screaming, you need to remember the following: each person is an individual, with his own character, you should not break it. Humiliation, shouting, and hurtful words will only aggravate the situation, and parents will lose their dignity in the eyes of the child.

Basic rules for parents to remember

Many parents ask: “If a child does not learn his homework, what should I do?” First you need to find out the reason why this happens. Perhaps it is banal - a misunderstanding of the subject. If this is the case, you need to help the child and hire a tutor.

Reluctance to learn is a popular problem in the school environment. Many parents mistakenly force their child (teenager) to study through punishment, coercion, and demands. Forcing is not the best option. It is necessary to motivate the teenager and find out the reasons for school maladaptation (reluctance to learn is one of its elements). This article will discuss how to awaken learning motivation in a child.

Educational motivation comes from a system that is based on cognitive goals, interests, aspirations, ideals, and attitudes. Educational motivation is both stable, revealing substantive aspects (awareness of activity, independence, generalization, dominance, effectiveness), and a dynamic system. The dynamics of the system of motives depend on the individual characteristics of the child: stability, strength, switchability, emotionality - in general, innate characteristics of the psyche. I will make a reservation that the article is about healthy children with problems in motivation, and not about children with congenital difficulties, for example, with.

Study motivation:

• determines the direction of educational activities;
• allows you to find ways to realize and achieve goals;
• involves the emotional-volitional sphere of the personality.

Learning motives can be internal, external and personal. Internal - interest in the content of the activity and self-realization, external - interest in other attributes of the activity, for example, communication and games during breaks, personal - personal beliefs and needs, self-esteem, authority.

The success of an activity depends on motivation, and it:

• on the individual and personal characteristics of the student;
• teacher's personality;
• subject specifics;
• organization of activities.

You need to work on developing internal and personal motivation. But demands and coercion can achieve, at best, external, formal motivation. It is she who serves as a response to social norms, obligations, coercions, and parental expectations. But external motivation is destructive to the individual and extremely unstable.

Reasons for loss of motivation

Reluctance to learn is caused by:

• “hormonal storm” with the accompanying crisis of identity and uncertainty of the future;
• problematic relationships between student and teacher;
• for primary school students;
• unsatisfactory productivity and success of educational activities;
• individual-personal and age-related characteristics of knowledge acquisition, for example, in girls in grades 7-8, due to puberty, receptivity to learning deteriorates;
• lack of understanding of the purpose of learning, the process is not valuable;
• fears of school and the accompanying relationships and processes.

How to create motivation

Taking into account the individual personal characteristics and capabilities of the child will allow you to form personal motivation. Already in elementary school, differences in children are noticeable: features of mentality,... There is no need to demand that all children master the entire school curriculum equally well. Just as you shouldn’t think that a single set of teaching methods and tools is suitable for all children.

It is necessary to identify the child’s inclinations and develop them, not to try to make a writer out of a mathematician, but a musician out of an athlete. Forget about grades, this is not an indicator of a child's success. Grades are part of extrinsic motivation. Your goal is to develop interest in the child, directing him along a path adequate to his capabilities and abilities. If a child studies in his own direction, then problems with motivation will not arise.

Cognitive motives (interest in acquiring knowledge) are formed through the specifics of the presentation of material. Even if the activity is interesting in itself, you need to be able to correctly organize the learning process. The best option is problem-based learning. Each task must contain a problem, a question, a contradiction that the child will want and be able to solve on his own or with the help of his parents. The material should be a little further and more complex than the child’s capabilities: not simple (no longer interesting and understandable), but also not very complex (not yet interesting and understandable).

Junior classes

Forget about total control and coercion, replace it with trust and mutual respect. Set small goals for younger schoolchildren (due to their mental characteristics, children in primary school cannot yet think about the distant future and big goals). Be sure to praise success and address failures.

Middle and high school

In adolescence (middle and high school) it is important to differentiate the learning process. Praise won't help anymore. You need to interest the child. It is advisable to hire tutors in those subjects for which the child has demonstrated abilities, and not vice versa. Help the teenager decide and build a personal path, let him follow this path, help. It is important to talk with the teenager and help solve secondary problems (love, professional definition, friendship) so that they do not interfere with learning.

1. Visit a school psychologist and find out the characteristics of your child: inclinations, inclinations, temperament, mental properties. Ask for a development program.
2. Accept your child for who he is. Don’t demand your desires from him, don’t try to live a new life in his person, don’t force him to realize your unfulfilled dreams and ambitions.
3. Get to know the teacher and the features of the school curriculum. It is the parental right and duty to give the child a good education that is adequate to his or her capabilities. Much depends on the personality of the teacher, especially in elementary school, including the motivation of students. Is the teacher competent, interesting, and wealthy as a person? You have every right to change the place of education if you think that in this institution your child cannot be given the appropriate knowledge, skills and abilities.
4. Talk to your child, ask what he is interested in, if there are any problems at school, what he wants to do. Select an additional education program together and link it with the school curriculum.
5. Personal example. The value of teaching should come from, as well as respect for the teaching profession and work in general. Children tend to adopt the habits of their parents. If you yourself regard school as a universal evil and torment, you are glad that this is behind you, but your child still suffers and suffers, tell him this directly, then you should not expect good things. It is important to explain the importance of education for further training and work, and self-development.
6. Do not try to place emphasis on subjects related to your future profession. In elementary school, you can observe a child and identify his inclinations. In high school - put emphasis on what you have the ability to do. And already in grades 9-11, decide on a profession (the child himself will decide) and, perhaps, refocus attention. Although usually, if the emphasis is placed correctly, according to abilities and interests, then the profession itself is located in this direction. When placing emphasis, do not forget that other subjects also need to be mastered, since they are in the program, just do not chase high scores and “rape” the child.
7. . The best option to brighten up any activity and make even the most boring but necessary material interesting is creativity. Visual and colorful language will help younger schoolchildren, while teenagers will benefit from an orientation towards life, and trends that are relevant in their environment.
8. Don’t leave your child in a difficult situation, help solve problems, do homework, communicate. It is possible that the loss of interest in the activity is a consequence of a lack of understanding of the knowledge being acquired.
9. Give your child a choice from several options that are acceptable to you and suitable for him. Firstly, this will create in him a sense of mastery of life and awaken responsibility, and secondly, it will not cause teenage reactions of denial and opposition.
10. Try to avoid rewards and punishments for learning altogether (this is extrinsic motivation). Motivating a schoolchild, for example, with money is a wrong way, although it is loved by many parents. Of course, it is necessary to use criticism in small quantities, but evaluate in words and only the actions of the child, and not his personality. Moreover, it is still better to avoid reproach; failure in itself is detrimental to the psyche; it is better to work together to analyze the reasons and plan of action so that the situation does not repeat itself. In the elementary grades, praise must be present, since the adult and his assessment remain leading, although it is gradually replaced by the assessment of peers.
11. Cooperation, mutual respect and trust are the basis for successful learning. These components must be present both in the relationship between teacher and student, and between students and students, and between parents and children.
12. Assessment is the most difficult element of learning. Both at school and at home, you need to compare the child’s new successes with his previous ones, and not one child with another. For example, for a previous assignment a student received a C and made ten mistakes, but for a new assignment he received the same C, but with three mistakes. The assessment is the same, but the success is obvious. And we need to talk about this success, we need to emphasize personal progress. One parent will scold: “Again, C grade!” What a mediocrity you are!” This will completely kill the child’s interest, motivation, and self-confidence. And another will say: “Wow, only three mistakes. This is much less than last time. So what if it’s a three, we’ll work out a little more and it’ll be a four. And if it doesn’t, it’s okay, I’m proud of you.” And motivation will come to life again, self-esteem will remain.
13. Analyze the child’s basic cognitive abilities: , attention, . If weakness is noted in any area, then select exercises for training.
14. The quality of training is important, not the quantity. It is necessary to explain to the child that this is necessary, first of all, for self-development and future life.
15. The main problem of school education is the dryness of knowledge, its isolation from real life. This problem is being actively combated, but widespread adoption of the new training policy has not yet been observed. If your child's teacher can't bridge the divide between science and life, then do it yourself. “Translate” information to the child, find associations and connections with real life and the near future.
16. Buy additional literature, reference books, dictionaries, films. Draw a connecting thread from knowledge to the child’s idols. Yes, for this you will have to delve into the sources yourself and expand your own horizons. Give your child the maximum amount of means for self-realization.
17. Help your child create a daily routine, plan time for homework and rest.

Afterword

Educational activity is the leading activity of younger schoolchildren; socially significant activity is the leading activity of adolescence. In adolescents, the risk of loss of motivation is higher, since interpersonal communication with peers competes with activities. But at primary school age, the child feels the need for learning and will be happy to learn new knowledge if it corresponds to his characteristics and interests.

Without educational motivation, academic performance will inevitably decline, behavioral disorders and destructive manifestations of personal potential and abilities will arise. The void will certainly be filled by other activities or passivity, which is also a deviation.

There are no stupid or lazy children, only unmotivated ones. Moreover, every person is talented from birth, but, unfortunately, not everyone succeeds in revealing their genius. Most often, it is ruined precisely at the moment of forced learning, the pursuit of grades, other people's compliments and titles, the desires of the parents, and not the child.

A child who does not want to study is a problem that arises in many families. He doesn’t want to sit at textbooks, go to classes and doesn’t want to hear anything about becoming an adult.

What should parents do if their child is forced to attend school? Is it possible to force a child to study and how to find an effective and at the same time humane way to solve this sensitive issue? About this and much more in our article today.

Why doesn't a child want to study?

A teenager’s refusal to study can be due to a number of circumstances. Some children, with their hysterics and unwillingness to go to school, prove to their parents that they are independent and mature. Others may lose interest in studying during periods when the body experiences a lack of vitamins (for example, in winter).

Finally, the flaws in the education system also cannot be discounted, because most schools have little interest in students as individuals, simply forcing them to fulfill their requirements.

Let's look at the main problems and reasons for children's reluctance to study.

Conflicts with classmates

Most often, children begin to study poorly when they have problems communicating with peers. The kid does not want to go to school, because there he will be bullied, ridiculed, boycotted, and even a showdown with fists. All this has a catastrophic effect on motivation and thirst for knowledge and, as a result, on academic performance.

Lack of independence

A child may also study poorly because he simply has no idea how and what he needs to do. Self-organization, control, planning - these are important, but so far from the understanding of the child, learning factors. Moreover, if before this the parents constantly looked after the child and always told him what to do and how to act.

Brain dysfunction

Often, learning problems are associated with diseases and disorders of the brain. One of the most common reasons is a mild degree of mental retardation, which doctors “miss” due to inattention to young patients.

Brain dysfunction “helps” the child cope well with memorizing letters or poems, but he does not have the strength and understanding to study formulas or features of the Russian language.

Developmental delay

Some children's brains mature more slowly than others. The reason for this state of affairs may be hospital syndrome, which occurs in babies who have been in the hospital without their mother for a very long time. In addition, a prerequisite for the development of such a deviation may be a long illness, frequent anesthesia, or mental trauma to the baby.

Problems with perception and processing of information

Receiving and assimilating, as well as processing information, is not an easy task for many children. They may be hindered in this by poor eyesight and deafness, fatigue, autism, which prevents the child from concentrating on what the teacher is saying, as well as diseases such as dyslexia, dyscalculia and dysgraphia, which manifest themselves in the inability to write, read and perceive words.

Lack of interest

Very often, a child refuses to go to school simply because he loses interest in learning. For example, he is “irritated” by chemistry or physics, and he does not recognize mathematics at all as a science. At such moments, increased control and punishment provoke him into even greater reluctance to learn.

Difficult subjects

In addition, the child may simply not understand a certain subject, especially if he missed many lessons due to illness or moving. As a result, a vicious circle arises from which the child does not find a way out and completely “fails” in terms of performance in a difficult subject.

Trouble in the family

Often the reason for the reluctance to study is certain problems in the child’s family: divorce, loss of one of the parents, alcoholism of mom and dad, violence or financial difficulties.

Character traits

Finally, your child may simply be either too shy to “prove” himself in answering the teacher, or too self-confident in order to do his homework (it’s not good for a royal person to deal with non-royal affairs).

How to get your child interested in learning?

How to make a child study? If he refuses new knowledge, only you can help him understand the situation and awaken his dormant interest in learning.

Moreover, in this case, the word “force” is not entirely appropriate: it is much more important to show calm and absolute patience towards the child, and try by all means to interest him in learning, including by setting your own example.

Analyze the situation

First of all, you need to analyze the current situation, and it is best to start with a “debriefing”, namely the relationship between the child and the teachers. It often happens that lagging students cause anger and irritation from the teacher, who behaves extremely disrespectfully towards them.

If this is the case, you need to arrange a meeting with the teacher and talk to him about his educational methods and attitude towards your child.

Start respecting your child

Possible disobedience of a student may well be caused by flaws in the education system. Remember yourself during your studies - did everything go so well for you? Remember that your baby is an individual and a person who needs to be respected, loved and listened to his wishes. Even when they seem not so adequate.

Use examples

A large percentage of teenagers choose musicians, actors or athletes as role models. Try to approach your child from this side: study the biography of the idol, in which, most likely, you will find some “tips” and levers for developing motivation to study (for example, that he successfully completed school or loved mathematics).

Train yourself

Learn with your child! Attend educational courses that are interesting to you and, when returning home from school, tell him about how many interesting things you learned from them.

This behavior often encourages children to pick up the textbook themselves and learn something useful from it. It would also be a good idea to “master” your daughter or son’s school curriculum, and thereby interest a child who is indifferent to learning.

Show interest in subjects

At the same time, do not be false, because the child acutely senses the deception coming from the parents. Let your child tell you about a difficult subject, and you, in turn, be amazed at the knowledge you receive from him.

Go deeper into the basics, look for additional information in reference books and on the Internet, so that the child, looking at you, tries to please you and in the process becomes fascinated by a subject that was previously inaccessible to him.

Don't punish

Punishments certainly motivate a child, and it would be dishonest to say that a careless child does not get his butt kicked by his angry parents for disobedience and unwillingness to learn.

However, “fanaticism” in this matter will not lead the family to success: constant screams, threats and strong slaps on the head will only disrupt the understanding between you.

In addition, the use of physical force (as well as psychological pressure) negatively affects the child’s psyche, and in adulthood he will not be able to make decisions independently and achieve goals. In other words, until you “push” it, it will not “fly” forward.

In what cases do you need the help of a psychologist?

If you notice that your child is behaving strangely, is in a bad mood, or regularly gets bad grades from school, try to understand the reason for what is happening.

Maybe the kid is in dire need of your help and protection: his relationships with his classmates have deteriorated, the teacher scolds and shames him, finally, he fell in love for the first time and doesn’t know what to do now.

If you cannot solve the problem yourself, seek advice from a specialist. The help and advice of a psychologist will help you and your baby look at the situation from a new perspective and find the right way out of it before it develops into something more serious.

Summing up

The burning question: “How to make a child learn?” does not have a universal answer. Unfortunately, the world has not yet come up with the only correct way that will help you solve the problem of your child’s reluctance to go to school.

Therefore, an effective method of influencing and motivating a specific child can only be selected based on his character and preferences.

Try to choose the right beliefs, be persistent and consistent, but do not forget about love and understanding, which will help you achieve the desired results in the process of education.

“Soon in all the apartments of the country: homework is done (with a sin half and half), the father is hoarse, the daughter is deaf, the neighbors have learned everything, the cat has retold it,” - oddly enough, I am increasingly seeing this anecdote in news feeds.

And if you remember that it’s already mid-August, it’s no laughing matter. After all, not only inexperienced parents, but also experienced mothers often sincerely do not understand: how to force a child to study?

So, Sasha Bogdanova is with you again! I propose a topic for the agenda. Acute, conflict-ridden, painful - but necessary for parents of both high school students and younger children.

“Talented, but such a slacker!” the teenager’s mother throws up her hands. “Persuasion does not work on him - you have to shout, deprive him of pocket money and walks. It seems like he’s come to his senses.”

How long? Of course, everyone wants their son or daughter to graduate from school with honors, enter a prestigious university, find a well-paid job... “Look at you, poor student! If you get these grades in your fifth grade class, what happens next?”

And this is what will happen. Compare how your child hears your words:

• “My son is growing up to be an idiot” - “I’m good for nothing”
• “With such training you will sweep yards!” - “My future is hopeless”
• “Everyone in our family received higher education. With your efforts, the maximum you can do is get into a vocational school” - “I’m a disgrace to my family, I have no place among them.”
• "Troika? Two weeks without the Internet!” - “They are not interested in me, they expect only positive marks from me”

I’m already silent about when dad takes the belt. If it is possible to get a diligent excellent student in this way, it will probably be with a baggage of complexes, fears and aversion to learning (and later on to work).

Do you think such a person will achieve success in life?

What's the point of studying?

It's funny, but even many adults can't answer this question convincingly. It will not be difficult for the average child to smash parental arguments to smithereens.

However, what lies behind these words?

• Feeling of injustice

Popularity goes to that girl with the new smartphone. Good grades and a place in the academy - a rich teenager. Inequality is present even in the lower grades - keep in mind that children will react very strongly.

• Lack of criticism

• "Comfort zone"

To strive, a person must lack something. If he has absolutely everything, this can provoke stagnation in business and interests. This rule applies to everyone (and not only students).

• Bullying

Take a closer look at the teenager’s condition: perhaps the reason for poor performance lies in poor relationships with classmates or teachers. If necessary, talk to your class teacher or see a psychologist.

• Too light/heavy program

Maybe he yawns in class? Or, on the contrary, does he roll his eyes at the piled-up homework? It makes sense to change schools - this way you will save both yourself and your child’s nerves.

Carrot or stick?

Is it still necessary to force a student to study? Should I take patronage myself or risk a couple of “A” grades?

But, using the harsh methods of our grandparents, we ourselves can get confused:

1. on the one hand, shouldn’t we deprive a child of his childhood?
2. on the other hand, how to stop promiscuity in time and in the bud and take control of the situation?

Unfortunately, this is the easiest way to lose contact. I suggest a more effective way - stimulating interest in subjects.

Is it possible to study with pleasure? It's really simple!

• Make a connection

The first and most important rule. If there is no contact with a teenager, what kind of agreement can there be? At this difficult age, he needs little from us - support and understanding.

• Open his textbook

Better yet, try doing at least one exercise from your homework. Feel free to do homework together; this way you will fill in the “gaps” much faster and instill interest in the subject.

This can achieve much more than shouting and insults.

• Let us evaluate not the personality, but the actions

The student will quickly understand that everything depends on him, which means he has the right to direct situations in the direction he needs. This is not like sentences like “you’re stupid” (why should I develop if it’s useless?) or “you’re very smart” (why, I’m already great).

• Give up false motivation

“Who are you studying for?” - "For you!". Unfortunately, in many modern Russian families this is the only incentive.

Your job is to spark his curiosity, even if it costs him a microscope. Or make sure that children apply their knowledge in a playful way.

• Be creative with the process

You can make models together, conduct experiments (it’s better to buy a special book for these purposes), grow crystals... And you can learn biology while fishing. As you can see, it is not at all necessary to sit at encyclopedias.

By the way, I “met” Ekaterina Kes not so long ago, although the reason we met was on a different topic, namely “how to help a child survive the divorce of his parents.” Yes, I had to “contact”.

But in addition to what I needed, I found an interesting training from her." how to teach a child to study"And you know... Having gone through the material I need, I have no doubt that this one will be just as useful! Try it, tell me later)

As an afterword

It's no secret that education influences the rest of your life. But it is much more important to maintain a trusting relationship with your loved one, try to understand, and not throw indignation.

Remember the proverb: it’s better to get a blue diploma with a red face than vice versa? Perhaps the teenager will not become the next Einstein, will not accumulate an impressive fortune, will not enter Moscow State University. But still, there are things more important than external well-being.

How do you solve the problem: do you force people to complete tasks? I think my article will be useful to those who are stepping on a rake more than once, using harsh methods.

I look forward to your opinion - how did you teach your children to study? And, of course, don't forget to subscribe to my blog.

And again the competition

Today this will also be a puzzle. For those who don’t know, I’m currently holding a “catch the riddle” competition, whoever guessed it first wins the prizez) it’s simple...

Riddle No. 6

Hint: It just popped into my head) The rebus is very easy, childlike and doesn’t need any hints! Good luck, friends! 😉

That's all for today, see you in new articles!

Always with you, Sasha Bogdanova