Greedy husband, what should I do? Greedy man My husband is very greedy for money
It is not uncommon to hear from women that their husband is a terrible stingy man. It’s a shame to tell them about it, because they are sure that it’s a big deal. A man who demands to account for every penny spent, loses his temper if a woman spends more than planned, does not inspire respect from others. In addition, he does not understand that this shortcoming of his humiliates and insults his wife. The woman is unable to correct the situation; she does not have sufficient knowledge to make adjustments to her husband’s behavior. There may be several reasons for this, and accordingly there are also many options for influencing a man.
If the husband is greedy: reasons
There are several reasons why the husband became greedy:
The husband's parents are very greedy people who presented their disadvantage to the child as a great advantage.
The logic is correct, but not correct.
My husband is saving for a big purchase. If you know that your husband is saving for a major purchase, do not make a scene about the fact that he deprived you of something. Perhaps later he will give you more than you wanted to spend today.
Despot. A man who does not have money is trying to make you a “beggar” who begs for a penny in humiliation. It doesn’t matter to him at all whether you buy milk for your child or lipstick for yourself with this penny. The main thing is that he felt like a hero, they groveled before him!
Control. You are marrying the person who promises to turn your life into a fairy tale. Only he doesn’t specify that you will find yourself in a scary fairy tale. He allows you to graduate from college, then says that children should see their mother more often than their kindergarten teachers. You quit your job, take care of your children, in the firm belief that your husband knows his responsibilities and will provide you with everything you need. No matter how it is! He will make money, but whether you will get this money from him or not is the question! He will give a lot of reasons not to give you money for a new blouse:
Why do you need it? You don’t go out anywhere anyway;
Who are you dressing up for if I already love you? So, while I'm at work, come see you?
Tell me what you need, I’ll go and buy it myself.
You can continue ad infinitum! By the way, it is impossible to correct this type of man!
In other cases, it is possible to convince a person and prove to him that he is wrong.
So, what methods can you use to influence a greedy husband? What to do if a person hides part of his salary or generally tries to avoid talking about money in the house.
If you want your husband to stop constantly nagging him about where the money goes, keep a diary with each page dedicated to what you bought that day. In addition, collect receipts and pin them to the page with.
After some time, you will have evidence that the money is not spent on your trinkets and shoes, but on arranging and maintaining a family home.
You are a housewife who knows how much money you need to spend per month on groceries, how much on utilities, and how much to set aside for. Agree on these amounts with your husband, and agree to put the rest in a piggy bank. You can only access the piggy bank if absolutely necessary. Leave yourself and your husband money for personal expenses. Even if you put less in your piggy bank, it will be an emergency reserve.
Each to himself.
This option is suitable for those families who do not yet have children. Does your husband not like that you spend a lot? It is very easy to refute this statement. Notify the man that for the next month each of you lives on your salary. No, you don't stop living together and loving each other. It's just an experiment! Most likely, your hero will surrender in ten days.
Joint efforts.
You have long decided that it is time to change your car to a new one. Take on the challenge of raising funds for this purchase. Show your husband that you care about your family's status in society as much as he does. Put every penny you save into a fund for future purchases. Ultimately, your husband will understand that you can be trusted.
It is rarely possible to re-educate an adult. This is especially true for a man who has had the stereotype in his head since childhood that all women are spenders. If you love this person and do not want to part with him because of his shortcomings, have a lot of patience. Explain, talk, point out that he is not behaving correctly. Give examples from films, books and real-life stories. Just don’t use your friends and family as an example. This will only anger the man. After all, other families have their own problems.
1 March 2014, 17:47The article tells how to live with a greedy husband. It describes the reasons why a man becomes greedy, how to deal with greed, and gives advice to those girls who have chosen a greedy husband as their husband.
When a woman first meets a man, when she is going through a period of falling in love, she does not notice his negative qualities at all, everything around her is perceived as rosy, and this period can last for a long time.
Even if any errors are observed, the woman thinks that if the man is only hers, then he will become ideal, all his shortcomings can be corrected.
But if a woman notices signs of greed before marriage, then she needs to be wary so that in the future this quality does not become a reason for divorce. Unfortunately, recognizing a greedy man in the early stages of a relationship is quite difficult, because a truly calculating man reveals himself much later, after he has won the girl’s feelings and affection.
Therefore, many people are concerned about the question of how to live with a greedy husband after marriage. It is worth noting that some men show this quality quite quickly. They can carefully choose products in supermarkets, ask the price, and pay attention to current promotions.
A woman should be very attentive, because if the chosen one comes on a date empty-handed or does not invite you to the cinema, but prefers to relax in nature, you should not rush to conclusions. Perhaps at the moment he is faced with a difficult financial situation, maybe he lost his job, but he is afraid of losing his girlfriend, so he is afraid to save the relationship by any means.
Therefore, it is necessary to understand what greed is, what kind of property it is and why it arises. In fact, greed is one of many character traits and can be inherent in both women and men. But the husband perceives his wife’s greed differently; he transfers management of the family budget into her hands and is glad that his chosen one is economical and thrifty.
If a girl hears the phrase, greedy husband, she immediately has a lot of negative emotions about this. These emotions arise because a woman believes that if a man is generous, then he loves and appreciates her, fulfills all her wishes, she thinks that her beloved will be ready to do anything for her.
When a woman hears about a greedy man, the following portrait immediately appears before her eyes: a rather curvy man, certainly with a cigarette in his mouth, who hides huge sums of money in his pockets, but at the same time regrets buying a small bouquet for his own wife. He constantly thinks why buy flowers if they need to be thrown away anyway.
It is interesting that many women determine the amount of love by the price of the gift; the more expensive they are, the stronger the love. But this is an erroneous opinion, and reasoning in this way is absolutely unacceptable.
In fact, greed or stinginess are exceptional personal qualities that can be inherited. For example, you can observe the members of this person’s family, everything will immediately fall into place.
It is not often that this quality appears after a person has experienced a difficult childhood in material terms or was given a bad upbringing. It happens that personal qualities may depend on the location of the planets at the time of his birth, in other words, on the zodiac sign.
Psychologists identify the following types of greed:
- Pathological greed, when a man constantly thinks that everything is not enough for him. The extreme level of such greed is hoarding. Most often it is caused by insufficient attention in childhood.
- Innate greed, as mentioned above, was inherited by the man from his relatives.
- Greed for others, but not for yourself. The husband does not pay attention to what his wife looks like and what she needs; he only worries about having all his needs met.
- Selective greed is a very difficult type of greed, when the husband strictly controls every penny, and suddenly after a while it turns out that the husband has a mistress who needs absolutely nothing. Such a husband should be abandoned immediately, despite his good qualities.
In fact, it is very difficult for a woman to make a greedy man become generous; you can try to slightly correct this quality. For this there is one condition - a woman must love her husband very much.
After all, she married him because she noticed many good qualities in him that covered all the bad character traits. Maybe he acts as a loving father and an attentive, caring man, a good lover.
Therefore, you should not focus your attention only on the material side; it is better to try to praise him for showing love and care to all family members. It is worth noting that the husband did not become greedy in order to cause suffering to someone, one must accept the fact that it is difficult for him to part with the money he earned through honest labor.
Only a frank conversation with your husband will help bring harmony and mutual understanding back into the family. You need to choose the right moment, a calm atmosphere and tell him about your love, that relationships between a man are built not only on the principle of “take”, but also “take and give”. You also need to invite your husband to share his experiences and grievances.
He needs to be taught to share what he has. Let it be love, care and time devoted to loved ones, while you need to explain to him that sharing is not at all difficult. It is very important that this conversation does not turn into continuous complaints, but ends with kisses and hugs.
It often happens that a man is stingy not only with money, but also with emotional emotions - warmth, affection and care. This also needs to be talked about, because you rarely meet men who figure everything out on their own.
He needs to be shown the line between where frugality is and where there is excessive stinginess, you can even shame him a little, let him feel ashamed that a woman gives all her best to please him, but gets nothing in return.
In no case should a woman tolerate her husband constantly showing his displeasure about women who waste the money their husbands earn, while his wife engages in selfless charity, washing his shirts, preparing impeccable dinners. She has the right to fully demand trips to a restaurant, the purchase of things she needs, and even a nice ring for her wedding anniversary.
When a man’s stinginess has spread to all members of the family, when the wife wears only boots for the third winter in a row, and the children do not see sweets for some time, at a time when the husband managed to buy himself a gun and an inflatable boat, then it is worth thinking about whether such family mutual understanding and love. In most cases, such a person loves only himself, and cares only about himself.
There are also types of men who are afraid to make various expenses because they are worried about being left without any money. In this case, the woman should also act wisely by allocating the family budget clearly.
You can purchase several envelopes and put the words “Food”, “Repair”, “Rainy Day” and so on on them. Then he will be sure that the “Rainy Day” envelope will not be opened unnecessarily.
It is also necessary to know that stinginess of incredible proportions cannot be cured by ordinary conversations or remedies, like a cold. Only the help of a real specialist will be appropriate in this case.
Hello dear readers. Greed is the ability to be thrifty, that is, a good quality, but if it is overdeveloped, it creates certain inconveniences for everyone around. The stinginess of relatives can be very depressing and not every person knows how to act more delicately so as not to offend a loved one and at the same time solve the problem.
A greedy husband - what to do, what signs indicate that your partner is stingy, is it worth throwing in your lot with such a person and what to do if you have already “gotten it”. In today's article we will try to examine these issues that are important to many.
How to understand that your partner is stingy
More than once I have come across information that symptoms of stinginess appear already in the early stages of a relationship. From friends and girlfriends we can hear a lot of advice that helps us identify greed in a partner. Some experts claim that there is even a gene responsible for this character trait.
In my practice, I have more than once encountered greedy people and I can safely say that in reality it is not always possible to find out in advance that you are communicating with a stingy person. Especially if you like him. Human psychology is structured in such a way that at first we do not notice the negative qualities of our loved one. We tend to justify stinginess by calling it frugality. Eyes open later.
In our country, 90% of the population buys only those goods that are sold on promotions, freely use discount coupons, and even prefer to go to the movies on certain days when ticket prices are reduced. There is nothing wrong with this, and such behavior is considered more likely to be signs of sanity.
The line between frugality and greed is so thin that it becomes very difficult to draw any conclusions in advance. There are obvious symptoms, such as expense notebooks or receipt collection, although these are not 100% guaranteed. Many people save in this way or simply, but at the same time remain “normal”.
You can understand that you and your partner have different views on money and budgeting only if you have already started running a joint household.
It must not be forgotten that two different women can classify the same person as a different type. One will call him greedy, while the other will be comfortable in a similar situation. Everything here, as they say, is individual. Be sure to consider this point before passing judgment on your spouse.
What to do if you think your man is greedy
First of all, I would advise you not to attach any offensive labels to your own husband. Don’t call him and try not to even think about him being greedy. Thoughts often lead to hurtful words and thoughtless actions. If you want to avoid anything, change your behavior strategy.
Try to find out what specific points in the relationship do not suit you. Fight not with greed, not with the character of your partner, but with certain actions. This will translate your .
You can learn a little more about how to turn a scandal into a means of strengthening a marriage and achieving harmony with the help of the book Hal Runkel "No shouting and quarreling".
Suppose you want to go on a trip, and he says that there is no money for it. Try to prove that you need such a vacation and describe its advantages in comparison with others.
It is sometimes impossible to change another person. He must understand for himself that something is going wrong in his life. The easiest way is to start with yourself. Don't repeat mistakes, don't try to use methods that have already proven ineffective.
This is the most common mistake married couples make. The woman begins to reproach her husband, using the same arguments, which lead to another scandal that follows the same pattern over and over again. It is enough for you to make it clear to your spouse that you must discuss this issue and come to a result that suits both. Try to give him the initiative for new proposals and solutions.
Unfortunately, the financial issue is a very important component of family life, and if you cannot come to a joint agreement or find a way out of the situation, you should seriously think about breaking up. Don't let this advice scare you. I'm just saying to think about this question.
What seems to you to be a serious obstacle in a relationship may seem like a completely sweet character trait to another woman. Why spend your life re-educating an already established personality? Over the years, the situation will only get worse and bring more and more inconvenience to you.
Greed is a very serious problem. It forces a person constantly, no matter how many there are. You live only half, you do not realize your desires. There is a risk that, years from now, you will look back and see how much you failed to do just because you resigned yourself to it.
I can recommend you another book, which I’ve been talking about more and more lately. It's about the work Tani Tank "Fear, I'm with you".
It will help you understand when to run and what will happen next. Read it, at least for general information. It’s not a fact that you will decide to break up; perhaps it will just have the opposite effect and you will realize that you are next to a worthwhile person, and all your speculations were not worth any attention.
That's all for me. See you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.
He doesn't want to buy you a cup of coffee
Let's figure it out. How much does a cup of coffee cost? Three kopecks. A cup of coffee is equal to three tram tickets, two cartons of milk or a pack of condoms. Is this expensive? No. Thus, we have three options. First: he is a beggar. At all. But this is unlikely, because times are different: today even a fifth grader usually has enough money in his pocket for a couple of cups of this very coffee. Second: he is insanely greedy. He really cannot afford to spend this insignificant amount. This is also unlikely - a rare pathology. And finally, the third, most common option: he is testing you. A cup of coffee is straight up the alpha and omega of misogynists. This is the “mercantile woman” test that they write about in all their articles. Drive him right away, don't get your hands dirty.
He offers to split the restaurant bill in half.
And it tells you that this is the same equality for which we fought. The tales of Baba Fisa are not about equality. We all - both you and him - were brought up differently: the gentleman invites the young lady and treats her, and the young lady tries to limit herself to that very cup of coffee so as not to embarrass the gentleman. We cannot instantly change the paradigm; these social games are clear to us, but some others are not so clear yet. However, if you want to give him a chance, ask him about the children. Yes, that's a very good question. It sounds like this: “How long are you going to be on maternity leave?” If his eyes bulge and he mutters something about “women’s destiny,” clarify again what he was muttering about equality. I wonder how this goon will get out.
He never leaves a tip
How to recognize a greedy man? This manifestation of greed has nothing to do with you, but not paying such attention is more expensive for yourself. Tips are only 10-15% of the bill, nothing to talk about unless you skipped half your salary, of course. What will you save here? Nothing. This means that the point is not in saving, but in the fact that a toad is strangling him. He knows very well that tips are a significant part of the waiters’ earnings.
He comes to visit empty-handed
It's not about flowers and gifts, it's about food and drinks. Yes Yes exactly. If you invite a man to dinner, and he shows up without a bottle of wine and a box of cakes, let him eat Doshirak at home. Because you spent money and time to feed him delicious food. Yes, but he has to treat you in a restaurant, so everything is fair, right? No. Because you go to a restaurant a couple of times, but he will have dinner with you all the time. You know that this is how it will be.
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Or gives gifts not to you, but to himself
Oh, these are the most wonderful gifts! “Darling, here’s a five-liter bottle of Johnny Walker! Are you glad? That’s great, otherwise I don’t have anything to drink at your place after work.” What can I say? Thank you for not giving me boots for fishing. But he could.
He divides expenses “fairly” and not in half
If you do get involved with a greedy woman and you already live together, take a closer look at how he divides your joint expenses. Recently, a story spread all over social networks about a boy who invited a girl to live together and split the cost of renting an apartment in half. The girl honestly gave her half until she found out that the apartment belonged to the boy. This is greed in an inoperable stage, of course, and therefore rarely occurs. Usually everything is simpler: you pay the bills in half, buy groceries together, and everyone spends the rest on themselves - this is very convenient, right? But if you cook, then you buy the missing ingredients with your own money. You're a woman, you know better than to treat patients, run to the pharmacy, huh? Voila, you also buy medicine with your own money. Do you need cleanliness in your home? Cleaning products are on you. Do you need all sorts of small utensils and equipment that make your life easier? Again your expenses. And finally, he wants a beautiful woman next to him - and you spend money on clothes and cosmetics. And he - only according to his own wishes. And this is called “dividing the budget fairly.” Oh well.
He saves by using your resources
Women's labor - ordinary household work, which is usually not noticed - has been tried several times to be assessed from the point of view of market relations. And it turned out that 90% of men on the planet, in principle, cannot afford a wife. There is no money to pay for all her services: work as a maid, work as a cook, work as a nanny, work as a personal psychologist, stylist and massage therapist. Expensive pleasures, you know. But it seems like it’s not good to talk about money somehow, because it’s love and care. Yes of course. Love and care - if you run a household together. Or if he pays for the purchase of modern equipment and the services of a housekeeper, when it comes to really hard and dirty work. And if you still wash dishes with your hands, what is there to talk about?
Male greed is a fairly common phenomenon that affects a large number of women. As a rule, it is impossible to fight this character trait, so it is quite reasonable, at the first suspicion of the stingy tendencies of your chosen one, to quickly retreat from among his entourage. But there are also male representatives who, despite pathological greed, are still able to pamper their lady love with gifts.
Signs of a greedy man
- He does not spare money for himself and spends it with pleasure, provided that the purchase will be personally useful to him. Therefore, you should not be guided by “clothes”, since a cheapskate can look quite presentable. Such a subject does not save on himself, but when the situation forces him to fork out for gifts and things that do not bring him joy, then all the signs of his greedy nature appear.
- Under no circumstances will he give a gift without a reason, even the most inexpensive and insignificant one. This type will not miss the opportunity, albeit in a joking manner, to comment on the high prices in the restaurant where you went to meet friends. He also often talks about money, but not in terms of ways to increase his earnings, but by discussing where and how much he had to pay.
- He is inclined to give only those gifts that will be useful to him. For example, instead of flowers and a cute plush toy, he presents his beloved with wine and sweets, which he himself can enjoy.
- Likes to get everything for free. He spends a lot of time searching for discounts, free entertainment and the like. He also prefers to constantly calculate, estimate and strives to win even in small things. If he is lucky enough to buy a loaf of bread in one of the stores for a ruble cheaper than anywhere else, he will be incredibly happy about this fact, constantly remembering this “extraordinary luck.”
- Reluctant to change large bills. For example, in transport, in a cafe, in a store, in a nightclub, he may ask if you have small money, because, you see, he “doesn’t want to change a hundred.”
- He gives gifts, but then remembers these moments for a long time, emphasizing his rare “generosity.”
- You will never leave a tip to a waiter in a cafe or restaurant.
Experienced psychologists say that a greedy man is fundamentally different from a stingy man. What's the difference? In some cases, male stinginess manifests itself as a reluctance to part with money to purchase things that are useless and unnecessary, in his opinion. For example, he does not agree to buy a dress that you liked in the store. But meanwhile, he fills your refrigerator to capacity with delicacies or makes expensive repairs in your apartment. If a man is greedy in this particular sense, then this is not the worst way to show stinginess.
How to test a man for greed while in the first stage of a romantic relationship
It is not only possible, but also very necessary to recognize male stinginess in a timely manner. Start checking small. Do not miss the opportunity in front of your chosen one to admire some not too expensive trinket that you saw in a store window while walking with him. When passing by a flower shop, let them know, as if by chance, what flowers you are partial to. It is quite possible that he will not react instantly and will not buy everything that you liked - you should not make hasty conclusions about him, since it is possible that he simply did not have enough money with him today. But if a man is generous and attentive, then a pleasant surprise awaits you a little later and, perhaps, more than one.
Rely on your own intuition in matters of male greed, and it will not let you down! Demand from your man only what he is able to give you and, based on this, decide whether this type of relationship is right for you. It is unreasonable to demand diamonds from a person who lives on a modest salary as an office worker. But it’s completely stupid to tolerate someone with a heavy wallet who comes on a date without bothering to buy even a modest bouquet of flowers or any other nice little thing.
Why do men become greedy?
The main reason for male greed is strict upbringing in childhood or the example of a father who was not particularly generous towards his mother.
Selfishness and pronounced selfishness. In this case, the man does not skimp on spending money on himself, but his woman is unlikely to receive expensive and frequent gifts.
Poverty or lack of funds in the past. Perhaps a man is overly frugal for the reason that the family in which he grew up was constantly in need of something, so now he seeks to save as much money as possible “for a rainy day” so that his current or future family does not need anything .
A man lives in the future, forgetting about the present. Sometimes heads of families are so absorbed in the process of saving money for a car, an apartment or something else that they neglect the needs of their loved ones for the sake of their goal.
Uncertainty in relationships. If a man is not sure that your relationship with him will last long, then he can reason like this: “I don’t know her well, perhaps nothing serious will work out between us, so I won’t spend money on her for now.” This approach seems reasonable, but somehow too unpleasant. It’s a pity that for some reason men don’t realize that such a scenario of behavior today is unlikely to lead to a happy future together tomorrow.
Fears and complexes. Men, to justify their greed, like to say: “I want you to appreciate and love me for who I am.” And, as a rule, such things are voiced by those who do not have a penny to their name. Men who have managed to achieve something in this life do not suffer from such complexes. But it is inherent in nature that from time immemorial women have fallen in love with the achievements and results of men’s activities.
Misunderstanding of women's hints. Perhaps you are wrong to consider your man greedy. After all, the problem can only lie in the fact that he simply does not realize that you need gifts, flowers, surprises, and your hints are so veiled that for a man they seem like a real rebus. Just tell him directly about your needs and desires, and after his reaction to what was said, draw conclusions.
Are there effective methods to combat male stinginess?
If you have come to the conclusion that the man who is now next to you is a real greedy person, then you can correct his behavior, but for this you need to have a large supply of patience and the desire to take the situation into your own hands.
Firstly, at the stage of acquaintance and first meetings, women themselves sometimes extinguish men’s desire to be generous suitors, for inexplicable reasons refusing luxurious gifts, visits to expensive restaurants, and thereby accustoming the gentleman to the idea that you can do without all this. So, dear representatives of the fair sex, away with excessive modesty!
Secondly, tell your greedy friend that he is your most generous, understanding, and caring person. If he truly loves and values you, he will not want to fall from the pedestal on which you have so confidently placed him. Praise is a thing that really works! Praise a man, and he will try with all his might to live up to the characteristics that you assigned to him.
Third, let the man feel the difference between your wonderful mood and the grief that you may feel due to the lack of proper attention on his part. It is important that your good mood brings him special joy. Make sure that he is careful not to deny you your wishes, because this will affect your mood and, naturally, your relationship with him.
Always be grateful for gifts from him, do not skimp on kind words, but measure your gratitude to the man for the attention he has given him. You shouldn’t be equally happy about a soft toy and a mink coat, otherwise... from now on you will only receive teddy bears.
Convinced stingy people are difficult to re-educate, especially if you started the educational process after such a man became your legal husband. Of course, feelings are not measured in crisp bills, but a miserly husband is unlikely to be a joy to you. Happiness to you and men who are generous with gifts and attention!
