Do I like 2 boys. How to choose between two guys. But sincerity is the main thing
It’s a strange, ambiguous situation when a woman loves two men at once. Most people can't even imagine that this could actually happen. But it happens!
Remember the saying that if you are into two guys at the same time, choose the second one you met later. After all, if you truly loved the first, you would never pay attention to the second. But then the question arises - how to force yourself to give up the first one? They are both so different and each is good in their own way. One is a wonderful storyteller, cheerful and with whom, but he does not have a penny to his name. The other is a promising young man in business, but it’s always terribly sad to be with him. However, you cannot command the heart, and it loves each of these men in its own way. What to do?
We begin to think logically and imagine what would happen if we had to live our lives with one of these men.
Charms
A handsome man, endowed with the gift of charming others, as a rule, uses this ability to obtain benefits for himself. He is used to having women around him that women are greedy for. Don’t count yourself out from this list of “moths” gathered around a beam of light in the night. He probably loves you back, but he will not stop using his charm in the future. One can only guess who his choice will fall on. Ask yourself again if your mutual feelings are as serious as you want them to be. Your desire to be loved must overcome the fact that you can get this handsome man as your husband.
Is it true
Lies are destructive and merciless. A person who lies to you does not even deserve to be called your friend. What can we say about entering into a long-term relationship with him. If your man lied to you once, forgive him, but find out the reason. If this has become a system, don’t even think about it, break off relations with this person and stay with the one who tells the truth.
Sincerity
Give the men a test. Based on its results, you will understand which of them truly selflessly loves you, and who considers being with you a pleasant pastime. There are a lot of options for testing tasks, the main thing is that you understand that the person is really ready to sacrifice his time or personal gain for your sake. If you see that a man is trying to take the easy path, without looking at your desires and needs, feel free to turn away from him.
Parents
It's good if you know your men's parents. This will make it possible to judge what they will be like in marriage. Children project the relationship between mom and dad onto their future families. For example, you know that your boyfriend’s dad is a well-mannered and intelligent man. He respects his wife, loves his family, and tries to be needed by them. There is hope that your young man will follow in his father's footsteps.
And vice versa, if in the family the father considers himself a king and a god, does not notice anyone and cares only about his beloved self, it is scary to imagine what awaits you in marriage with a young man who has received such life experience. Although, there are exceptions.
Tolerance
This quality helps in... There are people who are tolerant of their partner’s mistakes and shortcomings. There is an opinion that women choose as husbands those men whose shortcomings they are able to tolerate. A lady who cares about cleanliness and order in the house will not allow her husband to throw dirty socks in the center of the room. Then, like a wife who demands material benefits from a man, giving attention and care in return, she will silently take these socks and wash them. There are so many women in the world, so many opinions. Think about the habits and shortcomings of which man will be easier for you to accept.
Sissy
If you do not want to have your first child the day after marriage, do not connect your life with. This is the category of men who obey their mother in everything, wait for her decision, and strive to please her in everything, even at the cost of the peace of your family. Nothing will change the moment you marry such a man. Your mother-in-law will be invisibly present in your family, giving instructions, and pushing you around in order to assert herself at the expense of her daughter-in-law.
Saving blank sheet of paper
In controversial situations, psychologists advise writing down all the pros and cons of the problem on a blank sheet of paper. This is a controversial situation, but you need to divide the sheet into three parts vertically and as many as necessary for questions horizontally.
So, write down in a column the positive and negative qualities that matter to you when choosing a partner, place headings in the form of names in the next two cells, and put a plus and a minus in the boxes opposite the questions. Calculate all the pros and cons for each candidate for your hand and heart, and decide whether this is really the one you need for marriage, having children and growing old together.
If you can’t choose with your heart or mind, listen to. Take a time out and don't date any men for some time. Stay alone for a while. Think about how men treat you. How much each of them loves you, and will protect, cherish and cherish you. Who can give your children a good upbringing, set an example like a father. Finally, what kind of man can... Note all the gasps and sighs, leave the bare reality.
Few people have the fortunate opportunity to make such a choice. Therefore, take action! Make a choice that you will not regret in the future.
1 March 2014, 15:09Again a woman, again writes to a sexologist and again suffers. The essence of her mental torment is this: she is married, loves her husband, everything is fine in the family. And then, like a bolt from the blue, she falls in love with a work colleague. And she feels guilty before her husband, and cannot give up her love, and her moral principles are tormented so cruelly that there is no life at all.
The woman feels wrong, bad - everyone loves someone one, and she loves two at once. She already doubts whether everything is okay in her head. And she suffers whether she is cheating on her husband or not. She suspects herself: is she going to leave her family for her lover?
From the correspondence I learn that my interlocutor’s relationship with her husband is deep and warm, they really love each other.
So what's the deal?
The fact is that this woman is a creative person, a “romantic person.” In order for such people to feel the taste of life, to create and breathe deeply, they need an emotionally rich background of life. This is their peculiarity. An even, calm, moderate emotional background seems to “extinguish” them. And you can create such an emotionally rich background for yourself in different ways. You can go to theatres, exhibitions and concerts, experience a wide variety of arts, communicate with bright, extraordinary people, wear extravagant clothes and jewelry, and travel. And if you don’t do this, if you don’t paint your gray everyday life on your own, then the special structure of the psyche will still take its bright colors from life - with the help of falling in love.
Yes, I have a warm and deep relationship with my husband, but my husband no longer gives me goosebumps. And what kind of goosebumps there are - after she collects his dirty socks in the morning, washes his polka-dot family bags, smears his osteochondrosis with stinking ointment, sees him in homemade sweatpants with his knees drawn out and falls asleep to his booming snoring. And there he is: in an impeccable suit, smelling of expensive perfume, mysterious, distant, unknown and therefore beautiful. Falling in love injects hormones into the blood, and goosebumps run back and forth in herds. And life is beautiful, and the sky is blue again, and the doves kiss so tenderly. Until guilt, shame and moral torment destroy it all.
I tell her that falling in love like this is normal for her mentality. She is not in love with a specific person, but with an image. Her crush is functional. She only needs a feeling, only these goosebumps - and not a specific person, with different, but the same dirty socks, family bags with polka dots, homemade sweatpants and other details of family life. Therefore, just distance from the object of sighs is what the doctor, in this case, a sexologist, ordered. And keep your distance, and keep your love (and with it the bright colors of life with goosebumps), and save your family - then the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe. I also advised her to study the love story of Dante and Beatrice. It was the love for Beatrice, a beautiful stranger with whom he barely exchanged a few phrases, that was both the fuel and the engine of his whole life and all his wonderful work. At the same time, the poet did not strive to marry Beatrice, he did not strive to possess his beloved, her presence, her bow - that’s all he wanted, which filled him with bliss. Distance and preservation, even cultivating his love - and she becomes for him something “divine, appearing from heaven to bestow on the earth a ray of heavenly bliss,” “the queen of virtue.” “Clothed in modesty,” said the poet, “shining with beauty, she walks among praise, like an angel who descended to earth to show the world the spectacle of her perfections. Her presence gives bliss and spreads joy in the hearts. Those who have not seen her cannot understand all the sweetness of her presence."
And such falling in love, fortunately, is not treason and does not threaten the established family at all. This is an environmentally friendly and pleasant way to create an emotionally rich and sublime, emotionally rich background of life for sophisticated and creative people.
Nastya Mikheeva, psychologist - sexologist, sex coach, tantra teacher, specialist in female orgasm. For the Happy Vagina Guru website.
Love is perhaps the most magical and inexplicable feeling that every person can experience. Love is truly contradictory, because it can revive and destroy, warm and make cruel. It has many facets and manifestations; it can come unexpectedly and disappear just as suddenly.
But the most difficult phenomenon from a psychological point of view is when love arises simultaneously for two people: for example, one woman loves two men and is not able to make a choice in favor of one of them. They say that you cannot love two people at the same time, but the fact remains: cases when a woman loves two men, alas, are not uncommon. Therefore, the question is relevant: what to do in such a situation, and which of the two should you choose?
As a rule, such a “love triangle” arises between a wife, husband and lover. One day a woman realizes that both are equally dear to her. It is worth noting that everyone in this trio suffers: the woman who feels guilty, the men who feel deceived, and if there are also children in the marriage, then the situation becomes more complex and tense.
No matter how much you love two people, you still have to make a choice.
Why does love arise for two people at the same time?
According to psychologists, “love split” is one of the ways to fill the mental and physical emptiness. More and more modern people remain lonely, even when married. The lack of emotional fulfillment and mutual exchange of energy pushes a woman to search for the missing impressions in the arms of another man. But there are other reasons.
- Lack of understanding between spouses. One day there comes a time when two people stop hearing each other. A woman understands that her husband is indifferent to her needs, is not interested in her experiences, desires and opinions. A once harmonious relationship turns into a boring cohabitation.
- Lack of interlocutor. First of all, a man should be a friend, interlocutor, and only then a lover. In an ideal union built on love, these roles are balanced. But if one of the roles disappears (or is noticeably reduced), the woman experiences discomfort. When she realizes that there is nothing to talk about with a man except about everyday life, she looks for an interlocutor on the side. Finding him, the woman gets carried away and over time realizes that she loves her new chosen one.
- Lack of intimate harmony. When sex becomes nothing more than a marital duty, the woman, as the more emotional side, begins to look for the problem within herself. At first it is passive, then practice begins. And, finding herself in the arms of a passionate man, she feels desired again, and her complexes disappear, giving way to hot feelings. Of course, having received what is missing, the woman falls in love with such a passionate lover.
- Self-esteem. Whatever they say, all people are very dependent on the opinions of others and their attitude towards themselves. This is especially true for male-female relationships. So, if a husband does not compliment his wife, does not admire her, and his eyes do not sparkle at the sight of the once beloved woman, her self-esteem falls. And if at this moment someone appears who openly tells her about his feelings and puts her on a pedestal, then the woman is ready to follow such a man to the ends of the earth.
- Lack of emotional acuity and moral satisfaction. When a man stops surprising his beloved (for example, giving gifts, making surprises, arranging romantic evenings), the woman feels bored and lacking in need for her. But all this can be found on the side. And the result of the search is love for another man - the one who made her feel happy and needed.
Thus, there are more than enough reasons for a “love triangle”. In any case, one day a woman realizes that she cannot live a double life, and she needs to make a decision. Often women are pushed to make a choice by men themselves. Most of them are still monogamous and do not want to play second roles.
The choice is not easy to make. And, realizing this, the woman delays the crucial moment in every possible way, continuing to play a double game. This negatively affects her emotional and physical health. Therefore, it is important to make a choice as soon as possible, after carefully analyzing the current situation.
Don't forget: the euphoria of a new relationship can be temporary!
Which of the two men should you choose?
First you need to relax and be alone with yourself. You should not go to your friend or parents for advice, because the main adviser is your own heart. Only by listening to yourself can you begin to resolve the situation.
Establish the reason that led to a double life
Understand yourself and understand what caused your love for another man. Is your husband or lover not paying attention to you? Is he cold towards you and doesn't look at you as a woman? Don't you have anything to talk about? In this case, try talking to him yourself to determine how much your beliefs and feelings correspond to reality.
Often, due to their emotionality, women can come up with a problem based on little things. Therefore, you should not “cut from the shoulder.” Moreover, if it is so difficult to choose one man from two, it means that the woman has something to lose. If your regular partner does not make contact and does not understand what is happening, perhaps you should give preference to your lover. And in this case, it is important to make sure that your lover wants the same thing as you, and will not lose interest in you after a week.
Understand the attitude of both men towards you
Women tend to idealize the man who is nearby. For example, a woman suddenly decides that her husband is not the person she needs, and her lover certainly dreams of marrying her. What do these men really want? Of course, the ideal option would be a dialogue with each of them. But this conversation should be extremely delicate so as not to arouse suspicion among men and give them the opportunity to fully open up to you.
If dialogue is impossible for some reason, use pen and paper: divide the sheet into two columns, in one of which describe what each man does positive for you, and in the other - what is negative. This approach will help you understand your feelings and personal needs. Observation will also help in this matter. Take a close look at men. Try to behave the same with each of them. As a result, you will be able to understand who fills you spiritually and gives you satisfaction in all aspects of life, and who does not.
Weigh the consequences of your decision and imagine the severity of separation
Think about the consequences of your choice
Loving two men at the same time is a serious test for everyone, especially for families with children. When choosing between your husband and your lover, think about how your children and his will react to this. If you assume that a breakup will be detrimental to the relationship and to the psyche of the children, it is worth sacrificing your own well-being for the sake of the happiness of the children.
Deal with your own feelings
Most psychologists say that women are most often monogamous. Based on this, a woman can truly and sincerely love only one partner. The second man is capable of arousing only sympathy, attraction, passion and, perhaps, fleeting love. It is likely that “love” for a second man is just a way to brighten up your gray everyday life.
Try not meeting your lover or communicating with him for a while. Such a pause in the relationship should last at least a month. Do you feel an acute lack of a loved one - despite the fact that your husband is nearby and shows attention to you? So the choice is obvious. Try to isolate yourself from both men. Which one do you miss more? In whose arms do you want to be right now? The answers to these questions will help you deal with your love dilemma.
Often girls are faced with such a nuisance as choosing between two guys. And, if the heart does not help you make a choice and it becomes difficult to determine your destiny, you need to analyze the case and decide for yourself with which of them future life is possible.
1. Appearance is not the main thing
So, you should not be fooled by his beauty and charm. Quite often, such “dear guys” turn out to be narcissistic egoists. And for a woman it is important to be loved.
2. But sincerity is the main thing
Next, you can try to test both guys for sincerity. After all, talking about love and truly loving are completely different things. A person who loves always joyfully accepts mutual love. If a guy can sacrifice anything for the sake of his beloved, this is a big plus in his favor. If, on the contrary, he does everything in a way that is beneficial only to him, and you are obliged to agree with all this - this is a bad quality, and you need to take a closer look at him.
3. An apple from an apple tree
Getting to know your parents is, of course, good. But what to do if neither of the two partners introduced you to their family? Try to ask more about them. For example, like the father, like the son. And if the dad of your possible future boyfriend respects women, then there is every chance that his son will have the same attitude towards you. If a strict patriarchy reigns in a young man’s family, his father is prone to frequent drinking, or, even worse, likes to party somewhere on the side, then, of course, you should think about whether you need a similar future. Naturally, it happens that a son sincerely loves his mother and, observing such nasty antics of his father, does not want to treat his wife the same way.
4. Say no to momma's little boys
If your boyfriend's behavior shows in every way that he is a mama's boy, and acts only as his mother tells him, then there is a chance that she will decide everything for both of you. And no girl will like this.
5. Mutual tolerance.
This is a very important aspect, since each person has his own character traits and behavior. Very often you can hear that women marry men whose shortcomings they are able to tolerate. After all, you've probably met such women; they live peacefully with unemployed husbands or with men who have never hammered a single nail in their lives. And there are those who constantly reproach their husbands for “lazy behavior” and do not allow them to breathe easy. Women, whose house is always clean and orderly, cannot come to terms with their husband’s things scattered everywhere, and this is where a scandal begins to arise.
6. Let's summarize
You should carefully compare all the existing advantages and disadvantages of the guys who are courting you, and only then make a choice. However, here too you need to listen to your intuition and the call of your heart, since they are the ones who will help you make a choice that you will not regret.
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