As a child, a child should feel that he is loved just like that - not for some successes and not just for good behavior. This attitude of parents will strengthen his self-confidence and his own worth. And you can spoil your child, but in moderation so as not to harm him.

How not to spoil your child

Let's say there is nothing wrong with the fact that parents often take their baby with them on trips, wanting to show him the beauty of the world around him and share pleasant impressions with him; or a mother buys her daughter new dresses to highlight her charm; or a dad gives his son not one, but several cars, allowing himself to return to childhood and “finish the game,” but with his own child. It’s another matter if the waterfall of gifts is caused by the parents’ desire to “pay off” the child for their rare presence in his life. Or, by accepting the baby as he is, we mean a lack of upbringing. But the family should help him learn to live in society!

It is among family that children learn to control their emotions, respect the wishes of others, be polite and responsive, and express their own opinions without the fear of “not pleasing” someone. And if you miss that important period when the child learns behavior patterns and tests the “boundaries of what is permitted,” then it will be difficult to correct already established ways of responding. However, anything is possible.

Let's look at several typical problem situations and ways to resolve them.

Spoiled child: “I want a new toy!”

Lera’s mother is a very busy young woman, and her father also disappears for a long time at work. And sometimes parents want to be together, so Lerochka was often left to a nanny from early childhood. The parents tried to ensure that their daughter had the best. But Lerochka grew up, her needs grew, and one day in a store her mother had to refuse her the purchase of a very expensive doll. Then the 4-year-old girl began to have a wild hysteria, she crawled on the floor, choking on tears and screams, not wanting to leave without a toy. Mom felt helpless, she was terribly ashamed, but the saddest thing was that this situation began to repeat itself...

How not to spoil your child? In the pursuit of material wealth, adults often miss the importance of participating in the upbringing, and indeed in the child’s life itself. And children react sensitively to the moral absence of their parents, compensating for it with what they are ready to offer. In some cases it is food, in others it is toys, things, entertainment. Feeling guilty for the lack of time spent with their child, mom and dad strive to express their feelings through gifts. Spoiled Child from a certain age he becomes an excellent manipulator who knows how to get his way. Therefore, once faced with a refusal, such a child will use all means of influence on adults, including hysterics.

• . It’s good if parents are ready to reconsider their priorities and start paying regular attention to their child. Let it be only 30 minutes every day, but all this time dad or mom will belong to him undividedly. Steps must be taken to stop the child's tantrums. The most important thing for parents in such a situation is to maintain composure. Do not scold the child, do not ask him to calm down, but do not give in to his wishes. Just say that you will talk only after he stops screaming and get out of his sight. Hysteria is a “theatrical performance” that loses its meaning without an audience. When the child is ready to talk, ask him why he needs this thing, explain that you will have to think or offer an alternative to buying, but after a while.

Spoiled child: “I can’t!”

Alyosha is almost 6 years old, he is late spoiled child, who was always surrounded by the care of not only his parents, but also his grandparents. He was always very protected: from illness, from bruises, from life’s difficulties. Most of all, the parents were proud of the fact that their boy was obedient, did not interfere anywhere, and willingly played alone. But then Alyosha went to the preparatory group of the kindergarten, and the teacher invited his parents to talk. It turns out that their son refuses to study because he is not interested in preparing for school, and sits in the locker room and waits for him to get dressed. How not to spoil your child? Cases of overprotection are not uncommon now, especially if the child is late. Parents take pleasure in doing everything they can for him, as if prolonging his childhood and feeling that they are needed. As a result, the child gets used to being apathetic, unsure of his own abilities, but is convinced that those around him will always come to the rescue and solve the problem for him. Subsequently, it is difficult for such a child to achieve results, to be realized in something, because this need is not developed in him.

• Children are spoiled by their parents: working on mistakes. The main thing is that adults themselves cope with the habit of doing everything for the baby, even though it is easier, faster, and safer. We must learn to restrain ourselves. Of course, when he sees that you don’t put away his toys and tie his shoelaces, the baby won’t rush to do it himself, so you’ll have to interest him. There are several "helpers" here. First, use the competitive moment: “Who can put the toys away faster? Who will make the bed smoother? Secondly, teach your child self-care skills by doing things with him rather than for him, for example, taking his hands in yours and tying his shoe together. Third, don’t make it easy: satisfying your own needs is the best motivator. If a child wants bread, sooner or later he will take it himself if he is allowed to extend his hand. And finally, the desire for knowledge and initiative is well developed in adventure stories, and responsibility is caring for someone, be it a younger child, a pet or a mother who needs help.

Spoiled child: “But I can do anything!”

The parents immediately decided to raise Natasha as a free, liberated child. You are allowed to eat what and when you want, go to bed after midnight, and interfere in adult conversations. How else can you raise a self-confident person with creative potential? But at the age of 4, Natasha went to kindergarten, and her parents suddenly found out that their daughter was rude to the teachers, made noise during quiet times, and the children did not want to play with her, since she did not respect them. How not to spoil your child? Indeed, for a child to fully develop, he needs to be active and inquisitive. However, it is no less important for him to have an idea about other people and their needs, about the organization of life and the rules of behavior. It often happens that young parents find it convenient to live at their usual rhythm, and not adapt to their children’s routine. What is not taken into account is that the child’s orientation in life’s framework and rules is erased. A similar situation occurs when there are disagreements between parents regarding approaches to education, when the mother is not allowed to do one thing, but the grandmother can do it, and what the grandmother prohibits, the father allows. Then the child quickly grasps the relativity of prohibitions, the lack of their strength and immutability. All this leads to the fact that spoiled child gets confused in the guidelines of “dos and don’ts”, “good and bad” and behaves in a way that is convenient and familiar to him, which in the eyes of others amounts to bad manners and leads to psychological problems for the child.

• Children are spoiled by their parents: working on mistakes. Setting new rules for a child is difficult, but this does not mean that you need to leave the situation as it is. Otherwise, the child will experience stress in the future when faced with the real demands of society. But you shouldn’t immediately “bring down” all sorts of norms and rules on the baby. First of all, you need to develop a unified education system that all family members will adhere to, with clear boundaries for the baby. Let there be few of them to begin with, only the most necessary ones. For example, it is important for Natasha to learn how to perform routine tasks in the garden, which means that appropriate conditions need to be organized at home. Probably, such adherence to the rules will require effort not only from the girl, but also from her parents. You will have to regularly explain to your child why it is important to do exactly as he is asked. You can create a reward system (for example, for following a rule for a week you are given a beautiful sticker). It is worth playing team games with your child, in which the main thing is to subordinate your desires to a common goal.

Spoiled child: "Little bully!"

Misha is being raised by his mother and grandmother, he is only 3 years old, but both in kindergarten and on the playground they constantly complain about him - spoiled child. Either he hit a girl, then he ran over the kids in a toy car, or he breaks toys. The boy reacts to any prohibition with screaming and physical force. Mom says: “Misha won’t be the first to get into a fight. If he answers, it means there’s something to answer.” But in reality, the mother and grandmother themselves are beginning to understand that they cannot cope with their child when he takes aim at them. How not to spoil your child? Very often, a child begins to “solve issues with his fists” just at the age of 3, when he develops strength and dexterity, accumulates certain experience in behavior in conflict situations, but the level of emotional maturity is still insufficient. If the family, even in an implicit form, encourages the manifestation of strength and dominance over others, the baby becomes loud, pugnacious and stubborn. Therefore, when entering society, such a child cannot get along with others. Outwardly, he seems to be a hooligan, but this behavior usually develops under two conditions: lack of attention (when a child can attract an adult only by bad deeds) and the cultivation of selfishness (“It’s right that you didn’t give a toy, you should wear your own,” “There’s nothing to give in, you haven’t yet pumped up on the swing”, “Just think, he hit me, he won’t climb anymore”). Misha's mother, justifying her son, acts against him. She does not try to understand what the baby wants to convey to adults with his behavior. Perhaps he is jealous of other children and demands attention in this way; or he simply does not know how to express emotions and communicate in any other way (he always played only alone, because his parents were busy, did not draw, because his grandmother was afraid that he would get everything dirty); is influenced by negative emotions in the family if they often swear in front of him. The current situation needs to be corrected as soon as possible, otherwise parents risk one day “getting punches” themselves by not bringing candy on time.

• Children are spoiled by their parents: working on mistakes. A three-year-old child already understands explanations well, so make it clear that you do not like aggressive behavior. Show interest when your baby is busy with something and makes contact with other children, but deprive him of attention when he behaves aggressively. Feel free to show open sympathy to the victim of aggression (even books and toys), but do not shame the “troublemaker” in front of strangers. Try to make sure that screaming and fighting do not lead to the result desired by the child. For example, if a child takes away someone else’s shovel in the sandbox, do not ask to give up the treasured toy for a while, but take the child away from the walk, explaining the reason for leaving.

All these measures will be more effective if parents establish communication with the baby: you can read fairy tales and dramatize them with toys, draw, sculpt. At the development center, specialists will suggest a suitable direction of activity; it would be a good idea to visit a child psychologist. Try to find a sports section where your child will have the opportunity to burn off his energy. And most importantly, pay attention to yourself. In order for a child to relate to the world with trust and compassion, he needs to see these qualities in his loved ones. Having decided to re-educate, do not force your child into rigid boundaries. When forming new behavior, let your child understand that it is not he himself who upsets you, but his actions. He needs to know: no matter what, you love him.

Spoiled children?

It is very difficult to decide to say something that goes against the general opinion. All parents complain that there is nothing going on with their children: children, it is believed, have all suddenly become spoiled, pampered, and even boys are in danger of “feminization”; there is clearly a lack of “male” education. And at this time declare publicly that children need to be pampered? Yes, they can beat you for this!
But still...
Children need to be pampered!

According to Ushakov’s dictionary, “to play around - play naughty, frolic, play, having fun and playing pranks.” This very thing - “playing, having fun and being naughty” - is what children should do in the first 5-6 years of their lives if we want them to grow up to be calm, self-confident and strong-willed people.
Let's listen to the people's speech.
- Uh, darling! - with a gentle intonation.
- My granddaughter, minx, spoiled girl! - with tenderness.
- What a fidget he is! - with admiration.
An old woman in a Pskov village complains about her daughter-in-law:
“She’s not kind, she never caresses or pampers her children... You need to pamper your children!”
In a peasant family - at least in the Pskov region, where the author specifically studied this small problem - a child under five years of age is an unbearable creature. There is no sweetness with him: he rushes around the house, he can answer his mother impudently and fights back furiously if she tries to spank him. He plays pranks at every step - and everything is forgiven to him. Moreover, every mischief arouses the admiration of the parents. Playing pranks means he is smart, energetic, and happy. When a mother complains to her neighbor that her son is a troublemaker, she is only complaining in form, but in essence she is bragging. A naughty, spoiled child seems more natural, normal...

It would seem that what will come of such an upbringing? If you can’t cope with a child at five years old, then some people like this “logic”: at ten he will become a hooligan, at fifteen he will become a bandit.
But pedagogy has its own logic - pedagogical. In practice, this is what happens: in not many places you will meet such hard-working, efficient and modest teenagers in dealing with adults as in the Pskov region. (Suffice it to say that by the age of ten or eleven, children begin to work on a collective farm in the summer, earning workdays.)
And in city, Moscow life, I can count at least five children of my acquaintances, who, when they were brought to visit as children, were simply a disaster for the house (they barely saved the cups on the table from him, he tried to pull the tablecloth to the floor; look, he is already unscrewing the TV handles); Now these children have become teenagers - and what nice guys!
A spoiled child is an obedient teenager. Pedagogical logic may look like this.
Here we need to clarify: what does “spoiled” mean? Spoiled with what? Attention, first of all, the attention of parents.
A boy left to his own devices, only occasionally bursting into the house from some of his own yard world, is not a spoiled child. On the contrary, everyone is chasing him, pushing him around and waiting for one thing: he would quickly grab a piece and get out of sight. The spoiled one is the one who is very happy at home, whom everyone loves. That is why he feels absolutely confident in this world, believes that everything is possible for him, and does not expect harm from anyone. He is trusting, cheerful and simple-minded: he has nothing to cheat, he already gets everything he wants. Spoiled children rarely grow up to be greedy people.
From this love of adults, from this unclouded existence, the moral strength of the future adult person is gathered. It takes a lot of courage to live even the most ordinary life. Where can you get it from if you don’t stock it up in childhood? Spoiled children are happy children, and happy children are happy adults.
A happy, well-groomed, “fed” child does not become selfish at all, as is sometimes thought. If a child “everything is allowed”, if he has a joyful relationship with the world, then he will experience the first feeling of pity not in relation to himself, but in relation to others. An unpampered child, brought up under strict rules, surrounded by all sorts of “don’ts!” and “Don’t you dare!”, familiar with punishments from the first years of life - such a child first of all feels sorry for himself, focuses on his troubles and troubles, on himself. He is much more likely to become selfish.

A spoiled child does not mean a “naughty child.” The naive capriciousness of children is a reflection of the sophisticated capriciousness of adults. Then everyone was playing and amusing the baby, and then suddenly the father frowned: “9 o’clock, time to sleep!” Whether you like it or not, you cry or cry, but you need to sleep! Why? Who is this “regime” that everyone is nervous and angry about? This is incomprehensible to the baby, for him all this just looks like an incomprehensible whim of adults, which can only be fought with the same means: being capricious.
All parenting books glorify strict routines. Indeed, life is easier under the regime, but for whom? To parents. And who has studied how children raised in a strict regime grow, and how without it? Wouldn’t it turn out, upon closer examination, that the regime is not only a useful invention, but also somewhat harmful, depressing the child’s psyche? It will be more difficult for a child brought up in freedom to get used to school routines; he will cause more trouble for teachers. But who said that the ideal of upbringing is hassle-free upbringing? And isn’t it from these disobedient people that the most energetic and useful people grow into society? Children who were spoiled and were not afraid of anyone in childhood quickly achieve moral independence, which psychologists consider one of the most important personality traits.
We are so afraid of the future disobedience of children that we teach them to curb their desires almost from the first steps of life, even before the child learns to feel and express these desires. Perhaps this is why children sometimes grow up with a very poor repertoire of desires: everything seems inaccessible and impossible to them in advance. This is how lack of will and indifference to life arise. We eagerly read brochures on how to strengthen the will of a child, but at the very time when the will is being laid, when it is still a weak sprout, we are in a hurry to pull out these sprouts like weeds for the sake of a beautiful flower called “an obedient child.” Years pass, the flower of obedience inevitably fades, but lack of will remains.
If a child does not learn to get his way from his parents, where and when will he then learn to get something from someone? If in every clash with parents the victory remains with the father or mother - is it really so profitable? Ruthlessly, taking advantage of the advantages of age and strength, we rob the child of the sweetest feeling - the feeling of victory. Every mother gives her child the best piece of food. But she strives to seize victory in clashes, this tidbit of joy. Or maybe, for educational purposes, it is sometimes more useful to give in to our children? The baby comes out of every conflict defeated - when will he learn to win?
Trust, love, kindness are the foundations on which more complex feelings are built by themselves. Raise a child with goodness - and he will hate evil when he actually encounters it. He will have the strength to hate and will be completely unfamiliar with evil. Raise a child to hate, and you will raise nothing but hatred. By the way, only a spoiled child knows how to hit back at the offender, and moreover, openly, and not on the sly. Pampered children grow up to be more courageous, because they simply do not know fear - they had nothing to fear in childhood.
Raising a child while pampering him is difficult. The spoiled one requires an eye and an eye. But the easier it is for a child in childhood, the easier it will be for him in life, because his vital forces will develop better and more freely. And the more difficult it is for parents while their child is small, the more they endure his pranks, the easier it will be for them later, because the child grows up independent. When spoiled children become adults, they want more - but also achieve more in life.

Ancient wisdom: “Until the age of five, a child is a king, until fifteen is a servant, after fifteen is a friend.” If parents pamper a child in early childhood, they will be able to treat him strictly during adolescence, when he really needs firm guidance and discipline. A child of 11–13 years of age who has been spoiled in childhood can be held very strictly without fear of breaking his will. But it often turns out the other way around: in childhood, a child is schooled, they strive for absolute obedience, and later, when such obedience is necessary, they can no longer achieve it: both the parents are tired of this long-term struggle, and the children are in too much of a hurry to get out from under what is boring them (with infancy!) the despotic power of parents.
Unfortunately, not all parents have the opportunity to spoil their children. But you still need to strive for this, showing patience and relying on nature. Patience is what adults so often lack.
One children's doctor, to whom a young mother complained that her child was taking a long time to teethe, asked her:
– How many people have you seen whose teeth have not grown?
We always think that our children will not cut their teeth, that they will not learn to speak, then read... Oh, if only we could immediately get ready-made adults, such smart and sensible old people - how easy it would be for parents with them ! And how boring...
Children must go through, experience a time of self-indulgence, unreasonableness, disobedience - this is a necessary stage of development. Nothing should be rushed, even in an effort to instill in them the rules of morality and discipline. Everything has its time, teeth will grow! We are alarmed by the infantilism of teenagers and young men - but having been burned by milk, is it worth blowing on water? The premature development of children, the shortening of the time of their boundless kingdom, is just as alarming as the delayed moral development of adolescents. Or maybe these two phenomena are interconnected? Nature takes its toll, nature cannot develop faster just because a person decided to invent a television and put a child in front of a glass tube with pictures.
They will say that children grow up in nurseries and kindergartens, and there they have no opportunity to play around.
Yes, where there are more than two or three small children, pampering is dangerous: children, exciting each other, become completely uncontrollable. That is why strict discipline has to be maintained in children's institutions, although its severity sometimes exceeds the boundaries of what is reasonable and necessary.
Perhaps it would be more correct to consider a good kindergarten not the one where the children are obedient and organized, but the one where the children make noise and play around - and at the same time, some minimum order necessary for the safety of the children is maintained. Only the minimum!
However, children do not face the question of whether they can indulge. They play around without asking our permission, and therefore grow up to be healthy people!

Your opinion

We will be grateful if you find the time to express your opinion about this article and your impressions of it. Thank you.

"First of September"

Just yesterday all the relatives were touched and admired the little angel, but today he has turned into a capricious and selfish child? Previously, it was possible to come to an agreement with him and calmly solve all the problems, but now he throws tantrums with or without cause? It’s worth thinking seriously about, because this is what spoiled children look like. Many parents don't even notice when this happens. And this is a very serious problem, because spoiled children not only exhaust their parents, they can also cause a lot of problems in adulthood.

Signs of a spoiled baby

It is very important not to miss the moment when the line of spoiling is crossed. What a spoiled child looks like, the signs will help you recognize:

- a spoiled child never shares anything, be it a thing or the attention of his parents. He constantly begs for attention;

Manipulation of parents through hysterics;

Excessive dependence on parents. If a child categorically refuses to be with anyone other than his parents, then this is one of the signs of spoilage;

Small beech tree. If your baby constantly shows dissatisfaction and is impossible to please, then you should think about how spoiled he is;

The child refuses to clean up after himself. If a child is over 3 years old and stubbornly refuses to collect toys, he is spoiled;

In cases where spoiling is not stopped in any way, the child becomes rude. Due to the fact that he does not get what he wants, the child may begin to be rude. First to parents, and then to other adults;

The child begins to behave like the center of the Universe, he can interrupt, attract attention to himself in public places;

Impunity. Such children are never responsible for their actions: relatives find a lot of culprits because of whom the incident happened;

No restrictions. Such children do not hear the word “no”, they still do it their own way.

If even a small part of the signs are present in your family, this is a signal that something needs to change. Immediately!

How to behave so as not to spoil your child?

Children are not born spoiled. Adults make them this way. How not to spoil a child and raise a worthy person?

In most cases, this happens in single-parent families and in those where parents spend a lot of time at work. In this way, parents are trying to pay off for the lack of time and attention.

You should not protect your child from all difficulties; you need to give him the opportunity to solve them himself. First, the baby puts away the toys himself, and then he solves more global problems without outside help.

Loving does not mean allowing everything. The child must clearly know the boundaries of what is permitted and should not be crossed.

Parents need to remember that spoiled children don't become like that overnight. They are influenced by systematic behavior and attitudes. Based on this, in order to re-educate a child, you need to make an effort and spend your time.

Re-education

If parents discover that a spoiled child is growing up in a family, how can they re-educate him without harming his psyche? Such problems do not go away on their own; children do not outgrow them. In the process of re-education, you need to tune in to firmness. All loved ones who are in contact with the child must act harmoniously and in the same direction:

By following these rules, you will soon be able to observe the transformation of your baby. At first, of course, he will resist in every possible way, but firmness and rules that are understandable to everyone will be crowned with success.

Parents are to blame

Often, children are spoiled by parents who do not know how to admit their mistakes. It is worth working on mistakes comprehensively. Both children and their parents need to change:

Parents simply have to control themselves. Children will perceive any notes of nervousness in their mood as a signal to attack;

You shouldn’t leave things to chance and let the problem get worse. The sooner you start the fight, the better and more painless for everyone;

You can't deviate from the rules! If you can’t do it today, then you can’t do it tomorrow, even if you really want to;

If not, then no! And no amount of hysterics can change this. In such cases, you need to be firm;

A child cannot be limited only by prohibitions and responsibilities. He must have rights that also cannot be infringed. It’s better to discuss everything with your child in advance and make an appropriate list.

All prohibitions are not introduced in order to offend the child’s feelings; on the contrary, they are introduced out of great love for him and the desire to raise him as a worthy person.

What to do?

When there is a spoiled child in the family, most parents do not know what to do. Whatever re-education methods are chosen, parents must be consistent in their actions. The main thing is to remember that this is also done for the benefit of the child, so that he does not grow up rude and boorish. Such a child, and subsequently an adult, cannot fully enjoy anything. He will never be able to appreciate what he has, since he is constantly dissatisfied with everything. Children should fully experience what patience and respect are.

Family Unity

If parents spoil a child, what should they do and what should they do? First you need to agree on a tactic of behavior, and then, no matter what happens, firmly adhere to it. The child must understand that loved ones are working together, and it will not be possible to win anyone over to their side. This means that you need to accept the general rules of the game and join the majority. If a child has a tantrum, then there is no need to play the good and evil parent, when one ignores and the other runs to feel sorry. Hysteria both at home and outside should be completely ignored. The child must understand that such behavior will lead nowhere.

How to prevent parenting problems?

If children are ill-mannered and spoiled, then the blame lies largely with the parents. To prevent this from happening, you should adhere to certain principles immediately from the moment the baby appears in the house. Rules of conduct for parents:

Rules and daily routine. If a child always goes to bed at the same time, he collects toys with which he no longer plays or watches cartoons at a certain time, then questions about why this happens will not arise;

Adults should not change their minds. If they said “no,” it means “no,” but if they promised something, they must fulfill it;

You shouldn’t indulge your whims, and if a child asks for something he doesn’t need, it’s better not to buy it;

It is worth highlighting the simplest tasks for the child that he will perform. This could be daily dusting or organizing a bookshelf, these tasks gradually increase;

Never follow the lead of a hysterical child.

These simple but complex tasks should be performed by all family members.

Need for attention

If children are capricious and spoiled, which greatly unsettles parents, it is worth thinking: do they have enough parental attention and warmth? After all, sometimes they themselves do not understand what exactly they want, and in this way they try to get it. Parents should spend quality time with their children without any other distractions. You need to listen, establish tactile contact and come up with a general exciting activity. In moments like these, you belong to each other.

Conclusion

Being spoiled cannot be ignored. This is a kind of disease that destroys personality. Spoiled children who achieved everything by hysterics and screaming, when they grow up, will not know how to achieve what they want. As an adult, you won’t fall on the floor in a supermarket to get a set of groceries for the week, and at work no one will perceive a loud employee. Such people very rarely achieve success, because they do not know how to set a goal and go towards it.

A good upbringing means a worthy future. You should not doom your children by indulging their whims.

Hi all!

Today we will talk about whether to spoil a child or not, how not to spoil a child?

What do you associate with spoiled children? Are they demanding, capricious, insensitive, selfish? Write in the comments.

I think you answered this question in the affirmative. But how to raise a child so that he does not grow up like this?

I sometimes hear from relatives and friends that I spoil children because I pay them too much attention, caress them, console them when they cry or are upset.

But, I don't believe it. Is it possible to spoil a child with your love, attention and care? I think not. Babies need these factors just as much as fresh air, proper nutrition and safety. The only question is what is meant by the word “love”.

Some parents think that love means giving their children everything they want from material goods: showering them with toys, satisfying various whims, but this is not so. This is precisely where the risk of spoiling the baby lies.

But real love, care and attention are completely different...

What are the negative consequences of spoiling children financially?

1. If the child's whims are satisfied to the detriment of himself, he will begin to take it for granted. He will think that the most important thing is to satisfy his own desires, and that the needs of others can be ignored.

2. Cheering a child creates dependent behavior in him. Pleasure, toys and things replace his lack of emotions. It's like adults. If there is an emotional emptiness inside, people begin to buy unnecessary things and engage in extreme sports. The same situation is with stress. Instead of finding out the reason, we go shopping, “seize” the problem, and “wash it down” with alcohol.

3. Pampering a child distorts his self-esteem. If we constantly buy him toys and fashionable clothes, this causes envy in other children, and the child becomes highly dependent on the assessment of others. And parents must show that they and other people value him not for material goods, but for his internal qualities. They are the real value.

To summarize, I would like to note that it is easy to spoil a child with material things, but not with love. Love is attention, care, compassion, acceptance of the child as he is. We show our love when we play with the baby, listen to him, and communicate with him. Love makes a child feel safe, protected and confident.

How not to spoil a child?

We bring to your attention the main signs that parents are spoiling their child:

1. The baby’s wishes come first

In the relationship between mother and child, the mother should always play the leading role. If in most cases the rules of behavior in the family are dictated by the baby, parents need to reconsider their priorities.

2. Lack of rules for the child’s behavior in society

If parents do not instill in their child the rules of good behavior in society from childhood, they are doing him a disservice. He will not only become a nuisance to those around him, but in the future it will be difficult for him to get along in a team.

3. Lack of clear boundaries, inconsistency in prohibitions

It is very difficult for children whose parents have not set clear boundaries for their behavior. If you have established some prohibitions, you should not cancel them; you do not make life easier for the child with such methods, but only complicate it.

4. Lack of responsibility for your actions

By justifying the toddler's unacceptable behavior by saying that he is still small, adults deprive him of the opportunity to take responsibility for his actions.

5. Gifts for no reason

Gifts without any reason make children consumers and selfish people.

6. Effectiveness of tantrums

If a child's tantrums lead to the parents giving in, giving in to him, the baby learns to manipulate them. He understands that you can get what you want just by rolling it up.

Demanding is a normal quality for a child. He liked some thing and wants to get it immediately. Some parents feel guilty when they are forced to refuse a baby. He starts crying. What to do, because if you give in to him, you risk being spoiled. So the situation is this: if you give in so that the baby does not cry, he will understand that you can be manipulated. But you shouldn’t refuse a child just to show that you are in charge. We need to find a middle ground. If you have to refuse, explain why. Then your relationship will be built on trust.

Do not try to protect your baby from all the problems and difficulties in life. Firstly, this is not possible, and secondly, he will never become independent and learn to cope with his problems on his own.

Description of material: I offer you an article that can be used as advice for parents when resolving the issue of pampering children at an early age. This material will be useful not only to parents, but also to educators of all age groups.

In the life of every parent, the following questions arise at one time, which, undoubtedly, put him before a certain choice:

· Should you spoil your child?

· How?

· How often and in what volume?

It is quite difficult to give an unambiguous answer to these questions.

In the first years of life, a child is physically and psychologically dependent on his parents, since interaction with them is a necessary condition for the baby’s survival, as well as an important factor for the formation of a healthy personality. A child needs to be loved - his health and psychological well-being depend on this. How to determine the thinnest line at which care and love turn into manipulation? With the help of manipulation, parents use their power over the child, and children, seeing the weaknesses of loved ones and relatives, turn into little tyrants.

The definition of the term “pamper” is as follows: to pamper means to spoil a child with excessive care and gifts. The definition of this term only speaks of an excessive, but not harmful reflection on children (which naturally has a detrimental effect on the baby) and their relationships with people around them, although pampering a child can easily spoil him by accustoming him to the attention of adults. Over time, such excessive care begins to be taken for granted. But for healthy growth, a child simply needs to know boundaries and some rules! There may not be very many of them, but they must be motivated and constant.

It’s sad to see when we first spoil a child, allow him a lot, and then start “bargaining” with him. For example, “If you play around, you won’t get a kinder surprise,” and later, “If you come home late, you won’t go out at all tomorrow!” Of course, you cannot spoil children, just as you cannot prohibit absolutely everything. You still need to allow some things, and sometimes it’s exactly what goes beyond the usual and usual rules: watch a cartoon that runs until twelve at night, eat cereal with milk for lunch instead of soup, for example, play a little longer with toys or go to bed a little later. This way, the parent does not become a supervisor or a “policeman.” The child certainly feels that he is understood (or at least trying to understand) and grows up psychologically healthy.

It is very important to be consistent and self-confident, on the one hand, and respect the child’s opinion, on the other. Then you will be an authority for your children, and it will be easy for them to communicate with you as equals.

Quite often, children try to prove by crying loudly that they need to immediately drop everything and start playing with them right away. Here you need to know for sure that the child is crying not because he is hot, cold or wants to eat (after all, every mother can determine by crying what is bothering her baby at the moment), but to play. You need to calmly and clearly explain to your child that you will play with him as soon as you are free. Don’t deceive his hopes - be sure to play with your little one as soon as you finish your chores and such an opportunity arises. The main thing is for the child to feel your full understanding of the situation, your calmness and honesty.

If you indulge all the desires of your beloved baby, he will use a method that has been tested twice or thrice on you. He will scream and cry again and again until you fall into hysterics and offer him another new product - a toy, sweets, and so on in increasing order.

Children will begin to respect and listen to you if you explain your position to them clearly and sincerely. Play with them only when you want to, read to your children what you want to read to them, tell them what interests you and what you want to tell them about. But be sure to listen to what they want to tell you, question your miracle, and answer their questions honestly yourself. Remember: you can’t fool a child, he knows you, maybe even better than you do.

Remember, taking care of children and doing something nice for them within reasonable limits does not mean at all that you need to let them twist you into ropes. Love is when you take reasonable care of your baby, are always “in touch” and ready to support him when you give him gifts and small toys and souvenirs. Spoiling is when a child begs for something that you are not ready to give or acquire. But you also shouldn’t create in him the image of an unhappy, poor mom (or dad - this is not so important here), but you need to teach him moderation in desires. If you don’t have something (or you can’t afford it) for some objective reason, it means you don’t really need it - this is how you can convince your child from buying another car or an elegant large doll.